The universe is against me

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Let me preclude this by saying that I'm not hallucinating, delusional, or hear voices. There is nothing in my mind actively (And by this I mean literal visions and/or voices) telling me s**t like "They're all out to get you" or "Don't trust him/Her," etc.

What I do mean by this is that I feel like there seems to be a cosmic agenda against me. I came from making no eye contact at all with anyone, to having fits of rage, to not caring, to building a presence on the internet and even making a few friends. But that still seems all for naught. There's times where I am convinced the universe has scheduled me to f**k up big time.

Case in point: Hot girl I speak to a lot who works at this pharmacy I go to. I met her last year, and since I frequent the place, we usually chat. Well, couple months ago I find the strength to ask for her number, and I GOT IT!

On that particular day, I was having a really stressful time. But at that moment, I drove home cheerful and happy, thinking something was finally going right in my life. Then BANG. I forgot a prescription that my mom needed, and my mom thought the girl forgot it. She called the place back, was directed straight to my prospective girlfriend, and my mom let her have it, and she screamed back at her. Needless to say, further attempts at communication have been nonexistent. Any other time, I would have regarded it as an "Oh well, I tried" kind of maneuver, but it had to CONVENIENTLY BE THE f*****g DAY I GOT HER NUMBER! SON OF A b***h!

When I was in grad school, I felt like I was singled out by my professors and fellow grad students, and that they just seemed to hate the fact that I was there. Students hated me, despite the fact that the universe seemed to point me in the direction of teaching.

And to top it off, my old autistic behaviors are coming back too, maybe because my life is teh suck.

I think the Universe is leading me to fail. Maybe I'm supposed to be the person who allows others to look at themselves and say "Thank God I'm not him," or maybe I'm the person who has to exist to be stepped on by others destined for greatness. I don't know, and it's pissing me off. Is it Karma? Is it the "Law" of Attraction? Or is it just me rolling bad dice one too many times. I Want to know!

I know exactly how you feel. I call it the malevolent universe hypothesis. A few months ago, my brother wrecked my car before I even got a chance to drive it. That seems a lot what happened with the girl at the pharmacy.

There are a lot of people out there who will tell you, "Life isn't fair," "Other people have it worse," or any number of things associated with the possibility of a malevolent universe. But I respect you as a conscious being -- there's more to life than a pecking order. If the universe were malevolent, I would try to be a symbol of compassion against its creator, even at the cost of social acceptance. I think the world would need something like that.

Maybe 'evil' is just the property of the world we're sworn by the laws of nature to get rid of, something we only see until it disappears. I used to have a signature quote that said, "There are two extremes of beauty in the universe. One is the abhorrent lack of empathy among conscious beings, and the other is the splendor of orderly perfection in the laws of nature."

I certainly hope that over time, the reality of others' consciousness and the empathy inspired by acceptance of it will feature in the greatest happiness we can achieve.

Um, your mum screamed at the hot girl or vice versa? I've long since abandonned railing against God at individual unfortunate events and come to accept that this is how things are going to be

i'm not against you.