Major emotional problems at school - advice needed?

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I have had some problems that I would like some advice with. I am just about to start Year 13 at school and have just done my AS exams in Maths, Physics, Chemistry and Geography. These problems will be of relevance to you since I have Asperger’s Syndrome.

There have been some outlying problems that I have had in Year 12. At the start of the year I felt I was progressing very well up until the parents’ evening. I thought I was doing very well and going a very good job of keeping on top of the workload. However, our physics teachers gave us our topic test marks on the parents’ evening and mine were a C and a D. I was very shocked at this, and what made it much worse was the dramatic approach our teachers used. They were trying to stop us from becoming complacent, but if they’d have known anything about Asperger’s Syndrome, they should have known that their dramatic ‘ganging up’ approach was the wrong thing to do. They accused me of ‘overcomplicating’ my answers, but they didn’t fully understand. They assumed that I was just a typical ‘dosser’ who might learn everything off by heart without understanding it, whereas I learnt everything as well as understanding it. When I suggest things in class I’ve often been told I overcomplicate, but I think this is actually intellectual curiosity.

My confidence plummeted after this, not only for Physics, but for other subjects as well. As a result of this I have had a tremendous amount of worrying about how well I have been doing, so much to the extent that I have found it very stressful to learn new information. An analogy for this is that my mind has been rather like a metal framework, that can’t be moved by new information without it falling apart. I know a lot of students have moments where their mind completely ‘switches off’, but I feel as if I have been having these far too frequently and that it has affected my academic performance both at home and at school. It has also made me very closed-minded, and this has been very worrying because I haven’t managed to stick to a routine very well or taking advice without my mind tensing up.

Another major difference is that pupils are praised less at A-Level than GCSE, so this was a major transition for me. Some people have said that I have to think back to when I did really well at GCSE and the congratulations associated with my success. However, I feel this was exacerbated by my parents when they said that I shouldn’t rely on praise from teachers any more. I think I might have misinterpreted this by thinking that I’m not allowed to think back to when I was successful before (and I have been very successful in my school life), practically removing my only means of optimism. Whenever I have asked someone for advice, for some reason my mind just seizes and continues as if the advice wasn’t given. I don’t know why this has happened. For my AS Levels my teachers predicted me 4 A grades but I’m gravely worried I’m not going to get them; this is a major concern to me because I really want to get into Oxford University. I’ve even had nightmarish thoughts that I’m not going to cope with A2 Levels and I’ve found it extremely difficult to think positively. Whenever I have thought positively they seemed to have occurred randomly and seemingly not by my control. I’m not sure if this is a sign of depression; is it?

Speaking of university, I have done a bit of reading on the NAS website about the support that can be provided to those with ASDs. At an open day at Bath University, I attended several universities’ stalls and they all said that they have a support clinic. Are these clinics for general disability help or can it be focused on several different disabilities (e.g. Asperger’s Syndrome)?

Another reason why I have been very stressed is because I was extremely oversensitive to what other people say. For example, when I asked a friend about something even though I asked it before, he said “I’ve told you this before,” which made me feel like an idiot. When I informed them about this, my parents got the impression that he was only being truthful but he tried saying it authoritatively as well, which certainly didn’t help. Also, I have been very oversensitive to my parents’ advice as well. For example, when I said to my father, “I think I’m going to need more support next year”, he replied, “Well, the idea is that you need less support as you get older.” This upset me because it made me feel that I’m not going to cope very well independently. This was also because of the general depressing tone of voice that my father takes, which I don’t agree with. When people have said little things like this, they have often left me distressed, even if they are being honest. I know that this oversensitivity relates to Asperger’s Syndrome but it is something I would like to correct, but I’ve got no idea how to.

I had a very similar but shorter phase during my GCSEs and I got excellent results (10 A* and 4 A grades), and the teachers and learning support department say that I’ll get equally good results this year, but they don’t understand how much more challenging A-Levels are than GCSE. In a sense I feel as if I’ve burned out because I feel like I’ve been struggling to cope this year. My teachers would most likely tell you otherwise, but only I know how I’m coping with school life.

So, let me just summarise with a few questions:
• To get rid of this ‘tensing up’, what do I think to myself to make it better?
• If that doesn’t work, who else would be helpful to speak to?
• How can I train myself to rely on praise for my work less?
• I’ve thought about cognitive behavioural therapy: would it work well for my situation and is it expensive?
• How do I become less sensitive to other people’s comments, intentionally harmful or not?
• What measures can I take to reduce these panic attacks or make sure they don’t happen again?
• How can I be more systematic in dealing with problems?
• What is the best way to remain happy with myself, and how do I make sure I always believe in myself?
• How do I logically become more open-minded?
• How can I make sure that when advice is given to me that my mind actively processes it and that action can be taken straight away?

I would be very grateful if help could be provided, since I am going through very tough times.

I am not in college anymore, but when I was n school, gettng really good grades was so tied to my identity that stressed out a lot. The only way to get rid of some of the stress was to not care so much. And that is the hard part, because the grades are what always made me feel good about myself. I was away from my parents by age 18 so I didn't have to listen to their negative feedback.

But I would say that you have to have something else in your life that matters as well as the grades. If you know you are putting all of your self into one thing, the anxiety will bring you down. When I don't care so much about something and the stakes are not everything, I can do really well.

That's true in my case as well. In the year I was trying far too hard to get an 'A' grade than to be happy with the content sinking in. This was because I was predicted all 'A' grades at AS Level and I felt very pressurised to get them (I didn't want to let any of my teachers down).