Missing News..

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Ok.. my cousin died.. about a month and a half ago. Nobody told me. (Well, she wasn't really my cousin, but that's irrelevant because I didn't know that until I was 16. But I'm not sure that she knew that. She was my uncle's now-ex-wife's daughter that he adopted. Apparently when she was young her real father sent her birthday cards, but other than that they didn't mention that she wasn't genetically related. I only found out about it because my parents were exclaiming that I was the only lefty in the family and I said "Lynn is left handed too.." and my dad was like "But she's not really your cousin" I was like HUH!?)
My parents were down here to visit on Wednesday, and while we were out at dinner, my mom asked if I knew Lynn died. Uh, nope, guess it doesn't occur to anyone to mention something like that to me. She had a baby too. She'd had cancer, and gotten pregnant after it went into remission, and then when it came back they couldn't treat it 'cause she was pregnant. I didn't know about the baby either.
Guess I'm just totally out of the loop.

I think I should be more bothered by this.. both by her death and by the fact that I didn't know about it. I hadn't seen her in quite awhile anyways, so I guess maybe it doesn't seem real. I never really got along well with my cousins.. they could be kinda stuck-up. Is that horrible of me?

I think it is perfectly normal at least for us aspies. I've lost three grandparents and a great aunt in the past nine years (and 3 of those 4 in the past 3 years) and I never felt anything for any of them, despite the fact that two of the grandparents and the great aunt practically raised me. In fact the great aunt's funeral is tomorrow and the only thing I'm feeling is annoyed that I have to get up before 3pm on a Saturday and that I'd rather spend my day playing WoW...

I've always been detached in that way. It doesn't mean I don't care about the person either. It's just that I have to process it differently I guess.

When my grandfather died, I was in shock. I knew he was going to die soon but I wasn't expecting it happened that one day. Everyone in my family was shocked so we all came to Montana for his service. Some even cried but not me because he was old and I didn't feel anything. I figured it had to do with his old age and the fact he was very sick and he was weak, couldn't do anything and his memory was gone and he wasn't the grandfather I knew growing up. My mom said she was relieved when he died but ironically she was crying at his service and crying again at the cemetery when we put his box of ashes in the ground. My aunt cried too. She was there when he died, he was alive and then the next minute she heard he just died. My little brother didn't want to see him dead because he decided he didn't want to remember him that way and he wanted to remember when he was a live, not remember the last time he saw him, he was dead.

When my great aunt died and my great uncle, I felt nothing. I was 11 when my great aunt died and I was 15 when the great uncle died.

same here, i don't cry when people die either,even when it was my mom! I'm glad to read that others are that way too, I always feel like a freak, I can't explain it to people, but now I know it's probably the autism. I like what the other poster said about intellectualizing it, because I always think things like, at least they're not suffering anymore.

Same thing happend to me when my Dad passed away last year, he was my greatest hero and I always looked up to him. I did cry but it was because of the somber mood at the funeral. But I actually thought he had gone to a better place. He suffered cancer for more than 10 years.

I think it's strange indeed that they didn't tell you about Lynn's death. I don't have too much contact with my family anymore, but evens o they do inform me when someone dies.

As for your not-too-emotional reaction, I guess indeed that's pretty normal Aspie stuff. I lost three grandparents and dint'respond emotionally too much either.

I'm usually sad at the fact that someone is going to die, rather when they actually die. Preemptive bereavement = false habit.