angry

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Was annoyed a couple of days ago; my bf and I were out celebrating our 6th month together and his ex girlfriend rang him. He started chatting to her and was on the phone for about 10 minutes before I started crying (I'd had a couple of glasses of wine). He told her he had to go because he 'was heading out with friends'.

My issue with this was:

a. him talking to his ex at all in front of me, especially when we were supposed to be out celebrating (yeah, 6th month anniversary sounds a bit stupid, but it was his idea and I thought it was sweet). I knew they kept in contact, but so long as he didn't rub my face in it, I was ok- she lives in a different country at the moment. He said he was only talking to her because she got a new job, but he was on the phone for ages before I got upset.

b. He told her he was going out with his friends, not that he was already out with his girlfriend. I was angry because it looked like he was trying to hide me from her. His explanation was that it was the first thing he could think of (why not the truth?) and that he didn't want her to feel bad for calling during a date. Jeez, if he knew she'd feel bad, why didn't he feel bad for chatting away?

Maybe I'm being way to oversensitive, I don't know. I managed to calm myself down by rationalising and telling myself that he just didn't think when he made the 'out with friends comment' etc.. but today, I was trying to clean my flat and I found a box. I wasn't sure where it was from; wasn't even sure if it was his (he's moving in with me for a few weeks & moving his stuff up and leaving it all over the place), so I opened it. There were about 3 girls bracelets inside and a pendant, neither of which I've seen before, and I can't help leaping to the conclusion that they belonged to her or that he was planning on giving them to her.

It really hurts because I've told him before that I'd appreciate it if he didn't leave 'mementos' from his exes lying in full view whilst he was staying with me. It also kind of hurts because he'd been saying for ages that he wanted to buy me something nice for our anniversary, like a piece of jewellery or something, and I was really looking forward to it. I'm not material; I pay my way equally in our relationship and spent as much on buying him a gift as he did me, but in the end, he bought me a top, not a piece of jewellery. That sounds fussy and piccy I know, but I was kind of looking forward to having something small to remind me of him, like the other girls in my year have, and it hurts that he can buy jewellery for other girls, but not me. Sorry, I realise the above might sound stupid; I'm not going out with him because he buys me stuff, or I want him too, it's just that I had been looking forward to it and feel a bit let down. I didn't mind too much until I came across the jewellery for the other girl though.

Sorry, this may just be a stupid unsubstantiated rant, but I just want to get it out and continue tidying my flat.

im going to NOT be the devils advocate in this one, and try to be positive

hes a guy
it COULD be some... almost reflex-action of his, to not mention you in that particular call. maybe it was a surprisingly nice phonecall, and he didnt wanna ruin the friendly-vibe by cutting the chat off by mentioning that his new gf needed him more.

like... to her, you took him away, and now your getting his attention while she phones.
now these arent MY opinions on how it should be done

but it could be how he ?subconciously reasoned.

you are right to be upset about it tho, and it is definitely something he should have been a lot more aware of BUT... im just saying he MIGHT be more of a simple dumbass, than a cheater :]
look for patterns tho, if he repeats this behaviour, it would be a sign of worry, and you should think of yourself. but dont act in a jealous way or anything, or you may contribute to a snowball effect.

Thanks LiendaBalla and ZEGH8578 for your replies; I was half expecting to be given out to for being oversensitive, so it was very comforting to read your posts!

I think he might fall under the 'dumb ass' category than 'jerk', and I'm going to give him the benefit of doubt for the moment, but I'm glad you guys think that I'm not being unreasonable in getting mad.

(still feel a little odd that he's still friends with her; he's always said to me that if we broke up, he'd never want to be friends... I don't know why she's different )

You're right both points, he shouldn't talk so long while busy with you, and he should have said he was with his girlfriend

I hate to tell you this. You don't have to be with this guy, he doesn't really value you.

A loser from my church does that to me. Not that he's my girlfriend

Had a chat with him. I meant to be all calm and maybe not even bring it up, but I ended up mentioning it & we had an argument. He got really angry at me for not trusting him, but he did admit that he chose the wrong words when talking to his ex (apparently he always uses 'friends' as an excuse to end calls suddenly, so he jsut said it wthout thinking). I ended up apologising for being paranoid and not trusting :S

I don't know, he was believable on the phone, and I'd like to think that I genuinely have nothing to worry about, but he can be quite manipulative when he wants and I'm bad at seeing though lies. He offered to cut all ties with his ex if I wanted, but I don't think anyone should hsve the right to say who someone else talks to, so I said no.

I'll let it go this time, I guess. Thanks for your responses everyone; I feel a little less paranoid

I always hated it when my ex used to ring her ex all the time. Hated it. Asking all lines be cut is not unreasonable

argh. Something similar happened again. It's not worth its own thread; I'm just blowing off steam.

This time I was the one on the phone; he asked me how my gran was doing (she's very ill) and I was repling when he starts up a completely different conversation with someone he spots on the street, all the while, keeping me hanging on on the other end of the phone...

This time his excuse was that he hadn't seen the other guy 'in ages'. I don't know, to me, it's still bad manners; if I was in the other person's place, I wouldn't interupt their conversation, I'd just wave and walk on. In my bf's place, I might say hi, but I wouldn't try to catch up with them whilst on the phone to another person.

I don't know, it's not as bad as him talking to the ex on the phone, but it still feels like I'm being shunted to the side everytime someone more interesting to talk to comes along (it's happened on a few occasions before, but I guess I'm finally getting fed up with it). He's been trying to ring me back, but I really don't want to talk to him at the moment.

edit: just got a text. "What happened? I tried calling you 10times. I hope you're not ignoring me because that would just be rude."

I love that, that he's accusing me of being rude. I finally answered and he was all angry, going on about how he'd 'never see that friend again'. He just doesn't get that brushing me off to talk to other people is rude. If it were a once off, I could overlook it, but it's not.

I've turned off my phone. I don't care if he turns up tonight or not.

Sorry to hear that, Lene. I can't believe people think we're the ones with no social skills.
Would it have been so hard for him to say "Do you mind if I call you back in 10 minutes?" before he started talking to his friend?

Thanks for your responses. He apologised in the end, but I don't think he really knew why. I'm going to try and talk to him calmly about it and how it makes me feel. Hope it works, because I'm seriously getting sick of it...