I Should Just Give Up

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I am too tired to lie to myself anymore and pretend that I enjoy my isolation. There is nobody to talk to, nobody to share anything with. I am alone and I will always be alone. It doesn't get any better. I thought that finally disovering why I am the way I am would help me to overcome my problems and make friends. But the opposite has happened. The differences between me and everybody else have only become sharper in contrast and I grow more and more self-conscious about them and I retreat more and more into my own solitude. I can't pretend it doesn't bother me anymore. I see no way to avoid the doward spiral I am in. I will only grow more and more depressed, and that will isolate me even more... Just **ck it. I give up.

I feel the same. I would elaborate on that but it would probably get me banned

It is hard. I'm sorry.

eh, come on man, you have kids right? giving up is for childless people.

Yes, and my 7-year-old has better social skills than I do.

Are you wanting to make friends? You are talking to somebody who was totally isolated and reclusive, and managed to make two great friends and other acquaintances for the first time at in at 23. It can be done.

Yes, but interacting with other people gets more difficult as I get older. And my anxiety seems to be getting worse, too. At my previous job, I was able to talk a little bit with a couple of people on a regular basis. At my current job, I hardly speak at all. And last Friday we had a mandatory meetings AND company lunch and I had to go sit in my car for a bit before both of these to avoid having a panic attack.

I have tried to find others that share my interests, but seems pointless because even when I do find such people, they aren't nearly as obsessed with the subject at hand as I am, and I come as "weird".

Would anti-anxiety medication help? I mean by that, if you felt less anxiety, would it be easier?

Perhaps, but I don't really know. Even without the axiety, I don't know how to talk to people or relate to them. In the few instances where I am comfortable enough to speak to somebody, all I can really manage, assuming there is some common interest being discussed, is to spit out a pre-thought-out monologue and then I'm done. I can't think of anything else to say. And what I've said is usually only loosely tied to what is actually being talked about, or I'm giving far more detail than anybody cares to know.

Been there, I haven't had a panic attack in years. You are not too old. You anxiety is getting worse because you are getting more withdrawn, It is a vicious cycle.

You can't do everything at once. That is a very common mistake, usually due the false impression that they are running out of time. Don't try to obtain the end goal all at once. It will end up taking longer that way trust me.

I would focus first on reducing anxiety. You might benefit from some CBT book on the subject. Try Gillian Butler books. it is not specifically aimed at people on the spectrum but she is very careful not to generalise too much.

You can make relationships, because you have kids. That is all you need to know for the time being, there is no great race.

Focus on evidence based stuff. What you know not what you think you know.

What will you do the next few weeks?

What I mean is what will you do apart from eat, sleep and post on here? Who do you live with? My mum knows she can't do anything. gets angry but at the same time says she doesn't want me to go. Who else do you communicate with?

i don't mean to patronise etc, but maybe you're a damn good father? i have "father issues" with my dad, so maybe everything i say on the subject of fatherhood is biased, but i know that i wanted for my dad and he wasn't there & so i would urge you not to give up. not for me, but for your child, yourself & the relationship you could & do have together.

Last edited by Fudo on 09 Jun 2009, 12:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Hey, it's ok. You seem like a really decent person, and you're going better than you think you are re social skills just by what I've read here. I know what you mean about this, but you just do little achievable goals every day and sometimes you get a little break from being anxious. Do you have someone that can support you with this?

I go to work. I don't really communicate with anybody there, though. I talk to my wife, but she seems bored and doesn't listen most of the time. Other than that and some feeble attempts at small talk that I don't enjoy, I don't really talk to anybody.

Perhaps I should clarify... When I say "give up", I mean give up on socializing, not life. Having a child depend on me was the only thing that kept me from living with my parents forever until I died at my computer surrounded by empty food containers. Socializing is just one failure after another, though. I don't think I am ever going to get it.