Feeling Blocked By Everyone

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My father died, last year. And now, my mother is on her way out. As if that weren't bad enough, my family is all assembled around her death bed, and nobody wants to be bothered with coming to fetch me. I'd like to say good-bye, too. Just because I don't have a car, and it would only be a 45 minute drive for whomever, I don't see why it's so hard. My oldest brother took a flight all the way from the Northeast, to Florida, and was picked up at a distant airport with no difficulty. It hurts that I am not a priority in anybody's life, right now. When I ask for a ride, I get told about how expensive gas prices are. My one friend is actually at her father's, in Colorado, because he might be dying, too. I tried to e-mail someone that I thought was a friend, on WP, and she ignored me.

I have left messages on several siblings phones, only to have them ignored. I wish I was dying myself. Then, I wouldn't have to care about all these f****d up people who are supposed to be my family. I wouldn't need anybody at all. I would be well out of it.

That truly does suck-I'm sorry-Can you take a bus?

Bus? Taxi? Ask them to take up a collection to pay when you get there, if they are worried about one person paying for gas (which I find an incredible excuse)... I cannot imagine what you are going through; just the impression is making me agitated. Thoughts are with you, and hope you find a way to see her.


M.

I am positive that it isn't about gas money. I am the black sheep of the family, and this is how they have been treating me for the past 10 years. When my brother's plane arrived, they had to drive at least 4 hours there and back, to the airport. So, you can see how hurtful it seems when I have to hear excuses. He could have taken a bus, as well. As for the bus, I have an illness that makes me get tired very quickly, and to get to the bus station I would first have to take a city bus, and then a Greyhound bus. Even then, I would have to hope that somebody would pick me up at the terminal. A few years ago, I went for Christmas, and had to sit in the terminal for 3 hours, waiting for someone to pick me up! I guess I am just low in the pecking order, and of no consequence, in their eyes.

I am so hurt that I can't even cry. It feels like a big rock, sitting in my chest.

Call them and remind them they are doing something that can never be fixed. My father left his father when the hospital's visiting hours were over and he died 1/2 an hour later. That's hard enough but the last time my father had seen my grandfather my grandfather tried to hug him and my father brushed him off angrily. He was in a coma in the hospital and my father tortured himself with regret for the rest of his life.

I think that is true about people holding off and I think the good people who work with hospice would say the same.

You might contact the hospital and see if they offer assistance and services - it is worth the effort.


M.

makuranososhi wrote:

My experience with hospice workers are that they would strongly disagree with the idea of keeping a family member from their last goodbyes. Can you contact the local hospice there?

We used hospice when my father died at home and they encouraged the participation of the family. That's kind of the whole point of choosing to die at home. Well, I have to turn in but I hope you fight like hell to get there. But if you can't don't torture yourself. I had a friend who went to visit his family from college. When he got there -there was a note on the door saying get to the hospital immediately His father died from a heart attack right before he got to the hospital. It's not easy whether you know it's coming or not, and it's not easy even if you're thankful they are not suffering anymore. I hear a lot of "I hate my parents" on here, it's only natural, but let me tell you, when it really happens it's like someone suddenly pulled the floor out from under you. You find yourself feeling like an abandoned infant. I don't care how old you are. It's a visceral thing to lose a parent.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I wasn't able to see my father before he passed away. I had spent a few days trying to get the money together to cover the airfare because my family had been calling me to tell me he was close to the end, but everytime I got (what I thought) was enough, the price went up. That's when I got the call he had passed away. We were never very close, and I felt like I always disappointed him. To this day I have no idea if he was ever proud of me. The only comfort I got was that he wasn't suffering anymore (he had been fighting lung cancer for over 4 years) and he died in his sleep. I hope you're able to see your mom.

I can also relate to being blocked out by loved ones. A few months ago I found out my sister's husband was in the hospital. The problem was that nobody told me she had gotten married. I had pretty much gotten used to this from so-called "friends" who couldn't bother to tell me their major life changes, but it hurts on another level when it's family.

I hope you're able to get everything worked out.