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serenity
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19 Aug 2009, 8:43 am

I've never posted anything in The Haven before. I do have a lot of depressive moments, and suicidal thoughts, which I believe are mostly the result of letting myself go into loops of thinking that is totally negative, and self-defeating. I'm not sure exactly where they come from, or when they start. It's like suddenly I feel like nobody likes me, and I have failed at everything. It's the most horrible feeling. I've been trying to figure out what triggers these moods, and what I'm feeling before it happens. I have such a difficult time trying to do that. It's like I don't notice any emotion until it's extreme.

It isn't new. I've been this way for at least 20 yrs. I don't know how to fix it. I have always felt like such a misfit. Like I don't belong anywhere, or with anyone. To others, it looks like I'm throwing myself a pity party,and maybe I am, but I don't want to be. I want to stop. I want to feel better. I know that I shouldn't care if people like me, or accept me, but I do. I feel so invisible.

Does anyone else experience this, or know how to get out of this way of thinking?



kissmyarrrtichoke
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19 Aug 2009, 9:24 am

I have been complained at by my parents for this way of being since I was very young. My friends have helped me get over some of it, but at times I can still experience the feelings you are describing, and I have often claimed I don't think there is anything I can do about it.
I feel like a failure alot, at the moment one of my best friends hates me cos apparently I have been spreading rumours when I haven't, and he won't listen to me and I don't know what to do. That is pretty upsetting cos we were very close. I think you just need to find people you can enjoy spending time with, I have actually changed because of the guy who now hates me cos he got me out of my shell, but my other close friends also helped :)


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drowbot0181
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19 Aug 2009, 10:25 am

serenity wrote:
I've never posted anything in The Haven before. I do have a lot of depressive moments, and suicidal thoughts, which I believe are mostly the result of letting myself go into loops of thinking that is totally negative, and self-defeating. I'm not sure exactly where they come from, or when they start. It's like suddenly I feel like nobody likes me, and I have failed at everything. It's the most horrible feeling. I've been trying to figure out what triggers these moods, and what I'm feeling before it happens. I have such a difficult time trying to do that. It's like I don't notice any emotion until it's extreme.

It isn't new. I've been this way for at least 20 yrs. I don't know how to fix it. I have always felt like such a misfit. Like I don't belong anywhere, or with anyone. To others, it looks like I'm throwing myself a pity party,and maybe I am, but I don't want to be. I want to stop. I want to feel better. I know that I shouldn't care if people like me, or accept me, but I do. I feel so invisible.

Does anyone else experience this, or know how to get out of this way of thinking?


You just described me to a tee. I, too, get on these negative, depressing loops of thought that just get worse and worse as the day goes on. I have feelings of being a failure, nobody liking me... And I get very afraid of death. Not so much my own, but the death of loved ones. And I just obsess over it.
I really can't say it better than you did. You really described what I go through. I'm sorry to say, though, that I am also at a loss as to what causes it or how to stop it. :/
Coming here and reading about others having similar problems helps a bit though, I guess.



serenity
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19 Aug 2009, 10:59 am

kissmyarrrtichoke wrote:
I have been complained at by my parents for this way of being since I was very young. My friends have helped me get over some of it, but at times I can still experience the feelings you are describing, and I have often claimed I don't think there is anything I can do about it.
I feel like a failure alot, at the moment one of my best friends hates me cos apparently I have been spreading rumours when I haven't, and he won't listen to me and I don't know what to do. That is pretty upsetting cos we were very close. I think you just need to find people you can enjoy spending time with, I have actually changed because of the guy who now hates me cos he got me out of my shell, but my other close friends also helped :)


I guess that's the point. I have to figure out how to help myself feel better, without having someone to reassure me that I'm a worthwhile person. I don't have any friends. My husband will sometimes help me feel better, but it's like just putting a band aid on it. It doesn't really solve anything. Other than my husband, I really don't have any support network. That's just the way it is right now.



serenity
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19 Aug 2009, 11:09 am

drowbot0181 wrote:
serenity wrote:
I've never posted anything in The Haven before. I do have a lot of depressive moments, and suicidal thoughts, which I believe are mostly the result of letting myself go into loops of thinking that is totally negative, and self-defeating. I'm not sure exactly where they come from, or when they start. It's like suddenly I feel like nobody likes me, and I have failed at everything. It's the most horrible feeling. I've been trying to figure out what triggers these moods, and what I'm feeling before it happens. I have such a difficult time trying to do that. It's like I don't notice any emotion until it's extreme.

It isn't new. I've been this way for at least 20 yrs. I don't know how to fix it. I have always felt like such a misfit. Like I don't belong anywhere, or with anyone. To others, it looks like I'm throwing myself a pity party,and maybe I am, but I don't want to be. I want to stop. I want to feel better. I know that I shouldn't care if people like me, or accept me, but I do. I feel so invisible.

Does anyone else experience this, or know how to get out of this way of thinking?


You just described me to a tee. I, too, get on these negative, depressing loops of thought that just get worse and worse as the day goes on. I have feelings of being a failure, nobody liking me... And I get very afraid of death. Not so much my own, but the death of loved ones. And I just obsess over it.
I really can't say it better than you did. You really described what I go through. I'm sorry to say, though, that I am also at a loss as to what causes it or how to stop it. :/
Coming here and reading about others having similar problems helps a bit though, I guess.


It does help know that I'm not the only one that goes through this, even though I don't want anyone else to feel as bad as I do. That's the thing with me, though. I can get almost obsessed with other people's feelings. It's like I know how bad it feels to feel this way, and I'll go out of way to try to make sure no one else feels as invisible, and left out as I do. Like, if I see a post here that no one has replied to, and it's been awhile, I will feel compelled to reply to it. I just can't stand the thought of someone else being left out, and feeling unimportant. Unless they are mean, and nasty or did something that would cause people to leave them out.