'Coming out' with AS to my friends - help please

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Hi guys, I'm in need of a little advice here.

I've done a lot of thinking recently (argh, dangerous) and have decided that my close friends deserve to know that I have AS. I was diagnosed two years ago when I had virtually no friends. I hid my AS to all but one friend, who is also an aspie, because I had no real reason to tell anyone. As I said, I had hardly any friends, so I had no real need to tell anyone about it.

Now, I'm about to start my 2nd year of Uni. I found some aspects of Uni life hard last year, but made more friends in that time than I ever have done in my life. Socially, I coped well, and my AS didn't hold me back from making a small but solid group of friends...there were even people who had similar interests as me. That in itself was amazing. I thought that I had no real reason to tell anyone about my AS. Most of my friends think I'm quirky, but none of them suspect that I'm anything more than a bit unusual.

From this thursday, I'll be living in rented accommodation with 4 of my uni friends. They're some of my closest friends and we all get on well. But we're gonna be spending a lot of social time together, so I feel that they should know I might find some things difficult that they take for granted. Last year, I lived on campus in a flat with 5 other people. I never got to know them very well (except one guy who's now my sort of best mate) so there was no reason to tell them. Because of that, I could just go to my room and chill on my own when I'd had enough of socialising for the day. It's going to be different this year, because there's only 5 of us, we know each other well, and I'm probably gonna have to be more social.

So I think it's only fair that they know why it is that I need time on my own, why I might not understand some things they take for granted, why I need routine, why I might come across as rude or abrupt at times, and of course why I'm getting a Disabled Students Allowance. Here's where I need your help, guys and gals of WrongPlanet: I just don't know how to tell them. I don't think any of them know anything about AS/autism, and they're likely to be shocked at first. I'm also scared that their relationship with me will never be the same after I tell them about it.

The only people who currently know that I have AS are my close family and some of my Uni lecturers, but I know this has to change. Any advice or tips on how to 'come out' as an Aspie would be fantastic. Feel free to share your own experiences if you've already told your friends about your AS. Has it affected the way they treat you?

Cheers

I personally wouldn't bother telling your friends if I were you. I wouldn't have thought it would benefit you much. If You really want to though, you should probably tell your friends one at a time instead of all at once. And also try not to make it sound like a big deal (regardless of whether or not you think it is).
Good Luck.

I can't honestly imagine wanting friends that I'd ever have to not tell, my AS is too horrible and frequently invasive for me to keep a relationship of any kind without divulging my condition, at the very least because I find it a massive inconvenience already to survive it by myself. If they can't deal, they're likely horrible human beings, but if you value what you have, I can't tell you without bias.

If you tell them, you may end up just finding out who your "real" friends are...

I have had nothing but positive experiences with full disclosure. Usually, my friends just shrug it off, in much the same way that they do when someone comes out as an homosexual. Overall, I find that it is liberating to not have to put up any sort of quasi-NT front. A word of caution, however... My friends are fairly liberal.

In regards to how to do it... I usually just blurt it out.... I have found that the easiest ways to do it are either to fit it into the context of the conversation, or to simply say, "Oh, By the way, I'm Autistic. Not sure if I have previously told you."

I have a few very long time friends that I have told about my AS. It is actually really funny to tell certain people that have known you for years (15+). One of my friends actually started laughing and saying something along the lines of "... well that explains a lot....". It was all in good fun and I had a good laugh, too. I love to refer to myself as an "ass-burger"...... it makes my friends (both of them ) and my husband laugh. If you can't laugh about it.... you'll probably just cry.... so why not? Eh?

This.

I divulged my Asperger's to my 3 closest friends and for each one I just said something along the lines of "oh, speaking of cars... I'm autistic." It took a lot of the pressure off me to act normal and if they want me to go to a party where, say, the music will be loud and it will be crowded I can now just say "My ass-burger is to big for that." and they'll laugh and understand. OP, if they are really your friends it shouldn't really change much between you and them except maybe an understanding of your pet peeves and such.

From my own personal experience, I'd say go for it.

Okay, some of you are saying one thing, and some of you are saying the opposite. Thanks all of you for the advice, but I'm not sure what to make of it. My closest friends are unlikely to care if I tell them I have AS. If anyone starts avoiding me or acting weird, they're not worth having as friends anyway. However, I only plan to tell my 4 housemates for now.

So I'll tell them if the opportunity comes or if I'm put in a situation which I can't handle because of my AS, where not saying anything would make me seem daft or stupid. Does that sound sensible?

The only people I really talk to are my wife and therapist and they both know. Hypothetically, if I had close friends I would tell them. If they don't like you and accept you for who you are, then they are not friends. How you tell them can be tricky. If I had to do something along these lines, I would probably just leave a few books about aspergers around the house and car. If/when someone saw it and asked, I'd just give them the "oh, you didn't know?" line. That way its part of a nonchalant conversation which your not stressing so it doesn't appear to be a big issue to you either. Plus, then the onus of the conversation would be on them, they can ask a question or change the subject.

But, then again. You got to be careful who you take advice from. I'm not even close to experienced in the subject.