Be yourself; Articulation of the individual

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Its more than simply fitting in or getting along with people! How do individuals manifest their individuality??

I feel lke I always have to act in order to be around people. Not like "act out" in a disruptive way, but just act in general - Like I'm always following guidelines for being 'me'.

Set responses, facial expressions, purposely manipulated body language.
I feel like I don't know what being happy, sad, or relaxed is even like. I can be those things, truly, when I'm alone, but when I'm around others, I always have to embellish the manifestation of my personality in order to display the accurate physical expression/'attitude'.
I'm not 'lying' with my expressions, but I just have to force myself to display everything in a certain way.
I am incapable of being spontaneous around others, even when I've known them for a long time. It's like I have no subconscious or natural physical manifestations of personality and everything I show must be controlled explicitly by me.

I feel like nothing I do when I "hang out with friends" is genuine because I have to act everything out. I have to 'be myself' in the way that people, by definition, 'be themselves.'
I'm not saying I'm trying to 'fit in' to role/group or whatever - I'm having an issue whose foundations are with deep within me - not based upon superficial perception or visible representation.

I feel like the "human" gene is missing in me. I feel things, but I can't express them.
I mean, I'm generally pretty articulate. I'm intelligent and good with words.
The problem is, no 'normal' person communicates themselves using words. They use... other things. That they completely take for granted and see as simply inherent components (the 'givens') of human existence.

Words are limited in their scope, I know. But people aren't supposed to be. People don't need to be defined before they can portray/be themselves. They do it naturally.

I can figure out how to display those normally unconscious things. And I have them down for the most part. I've figured it out (those subtle little physical social cues) well enough to get by without a questioning glance in (most) social situations. People treat me well - in fact, I'm lucky and I've haven't had even one major issue that I can recall. But its 'myself' that I'm having an issue with.

~~~~~
I've found that I have to almost 'forge' those 'other things' in order to portray 'me' around others. In order to manifest these should-be-natural/unconscious things, I must define them first. Look within myself, ask, "what am I feeling?" Then I have to figure out "How do I show this in a way that others understand?" THEN I have to try it, see how it works. IF it works well, then I have to consciously do it over and over, perfecting it and aiming to make it as-near-to-second-nature- as it-can-be so that I can interact with others in a way that shows 'me' in an accurate way. So "human expression" is do-able for me, but it requires careful examination, definition and memorization in order to work well.

Having to define aspects of my personality limits me in the same way as words limit language and communication! I'm confined no matter what manner of expression I use!! ! I have no 'pure' form of expression and I feel constrained and isolated no matter what.

Nobody can know me at all ( I can't be me to others), unless I independently invent a 'language of expression' comparable to the ones that everybody else seems to have been born knowing.
It's a arduous process but, I've finally discovered enough of my 'words' to communicate myself well enough to others.
But they are fluent, while my 'speaking' is stunted.
Since emotions are so individual in the way they are expressed, I have to invent my own vocabulary of expression, from scratch, AND learn how to implement it, while others are born knowing a multitude of their personal, necessary 'words' and simply need to learn where and how to use them.

I can't know myself inside out and learn manifestations for every complex state of being. That's impossible! I've learned enough to get by, but... Geez! It's so darn complicated!! Why can't 'me' be effortless like 'others'?

I can't be the only one that feel limited and alone in this respect. ):

EDIT: Also, I'm so frustrated right now that I don't feel like taking the time to edit this long post. Sorry if I come across as unclear at any particular part; ask me about it and I'm sure I can find some way to re-explain myself - Lord know I have to do that enough already.

I did end up reading over this... Yikes.
I sound like a pretentious dork when I rant to calm myself. Hell, even the thread title sounds pretentious! Like I'm writing some kind of essay.... I use way too many words when I rant.

Sometimes I type rants to calm myself and explain away stress. Then when i read over them again, I'm humiliated because I get so hopelessly caught up in proper articulation, that I miss my own point. They always look like unedited, stream of consciousness essays instead of expression of emotions. Which is exactly my issue - I always make should-be simple things extremely complicated.

When I'm upset about my own deficiency of social knowledge/vocabulary I tend to retreat into words and analysis. Half the time it doesn't even matter what I'm trying to explain and others don't even care what I'm saying. It's all just unnecessary garbage that uses a lot of words to say something that is unimportant to everyone else.

Sorry about this stream-of-consciousness, pretentious sounding mess. I'm just lost and confused. ):

I find that it comes really easy for me to be myself around my friends. Maybe a little too easy.

i feel the same. but i guess somehow i manage individuality. people like me well, enough. i'm not following the crowd with each step, i occasionally step sideways or backwards of my own accord. i strike out on my own when it comes to some things.

really, no one "follows the crowd" in a true sense.

in terms of following laws, obvious things not to do in society: cannabalism, the obvious no no's, things that go against the most common of sense like not dressing yourself before you go out in public, and go against traditional morals or conscience, etc. in those we maybe be loosely the same.
but each treads their own path. you'll get lost if you wander from your ownand try to follow everyone else's. you can take cues, adopt habits from others that you like to augment yourself. it's only following the crowd & fake, if you're doing it solely to fit in. take enjoyment in what you do and your interests. show people you're unique in a "non-crazy" way. stand up for that part of yourself and people tend to respect that. everyone's a little odd. but letting what you think is odd and what is normal rule your decisions will lead you in circles because there is no one set norm for being normal. we all have our quirks, some more than others. but "normal" people are the ones who can live with them and act confidently in themselves. feeling good about your own position can even in turn give you confidence, and people take notice of that.

argghhhh, i've gone and played the part motivational speaker/guru again

whether any of this makes even cursory sense to you, idk.
but i like to try to help people in such positions, it's a habit.
and in any case i wish you well on your quest for answers to life's unanswerable questions and minor social mysteries.