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nah,i'm too depressed and bored as of the moment.. that's why I decided to write something..




Hi! Just call me Visnofsky. I am 14 years of age and currently studying at Notre Dame-Siena College... I started school when I was three. At first, the teacher won't accept me because she doubts my capabilities. I tried my very best to act like a mature kid. Unlike other kids of my age, I focused much on studying and less playing. That’s another reason why I didn't enjoy my childhood. I usually hear my mom and dad quarrelling about certain things which opened me to very mature things. When I was 5, my dad nearly killed me. He choked me but my aunt hurriedly went to the living room and saved me. Thanks to her, I’m still alive.

When I turned 7, my mom and dad started living separately because my mom found out that my dad has a MISTRESS or should I say, mistresses because they are more than one. I thought at first that I was an adopted child because they didn't treat me well. Until one day, I found a Xerox copy of my birth certificate. Out of curiosity, I observed it...





"Delayed Registration"

"Marriage Date of Parents: May 15, 1995"

"Date of Birth: July 16, 1995"

"Mother's Age (during the delivery): 19"

"Father's Age: 21"



Look at the marriage date, birth date, and my dad's age. That would explain everything. I am an accident. My mom and dad were just forced to marry each other. I started living with my aunt since I was seven. When I was 10, she realized that I am weird. Actually, she already noticed it since I was 3 but she just thought that it's just because I’m still young. Asperger's Syndrome. That's the cause of my weirdness though not yet diagnosed. My aunt is sending me to a psychiatrist but I’m trying my best to escape it. Why? It will just label me. I don't care whether I have Asperger's Syndrome, Schizophrenia, Bipolar Disorder or Autism. I just know I’m different and unique. Didn't you realize that ASD's (Autism spectrum disorders) do not really exist because it's just a difference? Didn’t you realize that everyone is different and nobody's alike?



I am a loner. Being alone isn't terrible, it just hurts like hell. I don't have real friends at all. I do well in school and I used to be the youngest in the class. I had piano lessons when I was 5 because my mom wanted me to be a musician like her but I’m a failure. I'm also having violin and guitar classes as of the moment but I never learned anything from it. I am also a daydreamer. I daydream about good things like having a happy family, etc. I have imaginary friends and I love them so much. I am obsessed with math and science. I love telling things about it but I realized that no one could relate to my obsessions that's why I tried to keep and hide my thoughts. I was definitely the queen of the blabber mouth before but now, you could rarely hear me talking. I don't trust anymore. Why? I’m afraid of getting hurt again... I never tried loving someone (except for my imaginary friends) I have suitors since I was 10 but I never dated anyone because they never tried to understand me. Love is like a puppy. When you loose it or they run away, it breaks your heart but finding a new puppy fills your heart with joy. The problem is, where to find that puppy .









"Teach me how to hate you, teach me how not to care, teach me u never wanted me that u were never really there. I was so use to us talking every night, but I guess I have to get use to the silence between us. Even though I want to see you, talk to you, touch you, I know I can’t. I need you to love me. Open the sky, let the rain fall, let the rain wash away my pains. I wanna sleep on the hard ground, in the comfort of your arms. On a pillow of bluebonnets and in a blanket made of stars."

I suppose it is natural for someone your age, to want to be around others, even if deep down you know that you are more inclined to solitude. I was the same. But I can tell you this, it's better to be a loner than to be make yourself something that you're not. I was never a sociable person, and most of my pain and misery came about when I forced myself to be around others. Others who I did not understand, and who found me weird, and thus fair game.

Just be patient, and have hope. Best of luck.

Hi Visnofsky,

You have had a difficult childhood but, as I hope you know, none of it was your fault and all of that is out of your control. I went to school before autism was diagnosed and got hundreds of detentions because of my stimming. Thankfully, like you, I was a good student, particularly after grade nine, and my academic success gave me a future. If you keep your grades up, a good education can probably assure a good future for you, too. In the long run, math and science are positive things to be obsessed with.

It is sometimes hard to believe at your age, but things do get much better. As a dad, I can tell you that if your aunt is the listening type she would really appreciate hearing your thoughts. I say this admitting that I wasn't able to share anything with my parents at that age even though I know that they would have liked that.

Anyway, I related to your post and wanted to wish you well.

Yeah,she is..but the problem is she's not always around