Feeling hopeless

Post Reply New Topic

I will have been without a job for a year in a week. The combination of the bad economy and my ASD issues are making me feel like it's time to just give up and kill myself. It starts to feel more and more like a rational reaction to my situation: I am very tired of draining resources from my parents. I cannot remember a time in my life when I was not more unhappy than happy. I tried very hard for a very long time and it seems to have come to nothing.

I do have some good things in my life-- a financially supportive family, a boyfriend, a decent education, some talent and intelligence. I see a therapist. I've been on and off anti-depressants. Nothing helps enough to make me feel like the world has room for me.

If you are currently off the meds, seriously consider going back on them. Anti-depressants aren't a solution by themselves, but if your brain chemistry is messed up, trying to think is just about impossible. My brother was bi-polar and whenever he was feeling good, he stopped the meds and crashed. I don't like taking them, but I do know they help.

Please don't kill yourself.

I don't know exactly what you are feeling, but when I was severely depressed and suicidal, death seemed like the only option....and honestly, no amount of logic made me see otherwise.

It may be hard for you to actually see that you are NOT a burden to your family....but that is the depression talking. I'm terrible with words and I feel like I'm doing more harm than good.

I also had similar feelings that my life was filled with more bad times than good times and it was not going to get better (I have suffered with depression most of my life). The last part was the kicker....I couldn't deal with that. The reality is that even though I do still have some depression, I am getting better....and I'm glad I survived my suicide attempt.

Depression distorts you perception. You have to trust in your loved ones to help you through it....please don't take matters into your own hands.

(((HUGS))))

My ASD son recently lost his job because of the onset of a painful auto-immune disease he will have for the rest of his life. If he ends up needing a subsidy or to come back to live with us, I WILL NEVER consider him a financial drain. He is my son and I love him madly.

He and the rest of the kids know that they get next to nothing in the will because it all goes to a trust for our daughter with autism plus. They are happy with that because it means they don't have to take in their violent sister who is happy and mostly non-violent in her own home with 24/7 care. If my son ends up in that category of needing life-long help, we will adjust.

If he killed himself.... even the thought is making me cry right now. I would be so devastated. I don't know how I would cope. Really. Please don't do that to your parents.
I'm so upset now I need to sign off.

I made it through the day.

David, I think you may be right about anti-depressants-- thanks for saying it in a way I'm hearing.

M_P, I'm glad that things have gotten better for you, and I am grateful for yor compassion. You made things better, not worse.

Lelia, I'm sorry I upset you. I really needed your message, though. It's hard for me to feel that my family feels connected to me, doesn't just resent me. I sometimes feel like I sense their negative emotions but not their positive ones-- thanks for helping me remember that the positive feelings are there. If I didn't have my own very supportive parents, I would envy your children. Thanks.

Calmer now.
Thanks for hearing me. Is there anything sweet you can do for your family now that you have more time? Chatty letters with remembrances from childhood would do it for me. So would raking leaves or dusting the entire house.

Hi Vector,

I'm just letting you know how happy I am that you wrote back and made it through the day.

I'm keeping you in my thoughts.