A dream that I had

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So in my dream I was standing in the corner of a room where there were some random toys I picked up many years ago as I walked down the street. I never used these toys of course since I picked them up when I was way into adulthood; I just felt too "sorry" for them lying around. As I was standing there, I realized that even though I may be pick up one toy in few years, over many years there were almost 10 toys accumulated! I was just standing there and randomly staring at them and thinking about other things. Then it seemed like that the toy of a teddy bear made a very slight movement, and then stopped.

I was really hoping that the movements it was making was simply due to gravity, because I didn't want to feel bad for having neglected something that was alive, for so many years. At the same time, I was almost sure that I was right since I was assuming I was awake; in fact I was thinking "hey I am awake how come I see something so weird". But I decided to double check myself. So I put a finger next to its mouth to see if it tries to bite it. If it doesn't, then this would verify that it is not alive.

Well, to my surprise it did in fact try to bite my fighter. At first I pulled away, but then I decided that it won't be dangerous since its teeth are made out of material, so I put my hand back, but still not near its mouth. Then I saw that it started to crawl, but very slowly with a lot of difficulty. I then realized that it was very sick, which is probably because I starved it for so many years since I was assuming it was just a toy. I then started to cry and apologize to it for having assumed that it was a toy. I then asked it whether it would forgive me for having neglected it for so long. In response to my question, it slowly moved its hand vertically up and down. I could tell that it meant "yes"; it was simply too weak to move its head, so it moved its hand instead. I then started to cry even more that I have neglected such a wonderful creature that is so ready to forgive.

Then after probably half a minute it told me that it "has to go". I then held it very tightly and started to cry saying "please stay; I need you, you are the only one who understands me, the only one who forgives. I am sorry that I neglected you for so long, you are the most wonderful thing I ever met, please stay here, don't go".

Then I woke up. Probably for a good minute after I woke up I felt this creature . Basically I was lying on my left side, one of my arms was on a shoulder level, the other was below my waste, and both arms were "holding" creature that was between them, and my muscles were slightly tensed, which is why it felt like something was there. I didn't want to get out of bed until this fades because I didn't want to "betray" it. I was afraid that if I start walking I might "drop" it in the middle of the street and cars would run over it. I actually faced downsards and in wisper asked it to come down to bed and to wait for me, because I will be back in the evening, I told it that I will put a pillow over it to make it more comfortable, and I did. However, I still had a little bit of this sensation in my body remaining the following five minutes while I was standing around the room so I was a bit worried that it didn't get down like I wanted it to. I also kept repeatedly asking it not to go anywhere after I leave the room, I wanted it to wait for me until I come back in the evening.

Wow intense dream. you sound like you were dealing with alot of emotional issues there. Ive had dreams about things like that.

think about what that dream meant to you and you may make peace with some of the issues your subconscious is trying to bring up.

I was actually thinking consciously about these issues for few years actually. I feel bad about flowers that are being picked up and killed (see this thread for more detail http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt104922.html ). When I moved to India to do post doc, the flower thing intensified because there are indian holidays where they lay flowers on a road and then cars drive over them. But even without this, just the picking up flowers is bad enough, if it was up to me I would be selling them in a ground.

I also feel bad about what we kill for food (both animals and plants). I actually saw vegetarian propaganda where they have described the way they let animals die a slow death that lasts few days. They have actually shown a picture of an animal that was "given a rest" for few hours between the torture they put them through, and they actually mentioned that during that rest period they are not allowed to give it water. Now, even the thought of giving it water made me feel much more sorry for it that I would have otherwise. I mean think about it. If you were to give it water, it would accept water from you, and probably feel greatful, even though you are the very same person who tortured it. And while animal is so willing to forgive you you still torture it.

But then again, when I think about it I feel bad for the plants that I eat too, so I guess being vegetarian is not a good answer.

I also feel bad about the butterflies we might step on by accident. Also when people kill a bug instead of throwing it out of the window (especially if it is a bug of larger size) I feel bad for it too.

I certainly do feel bad about toys. True, they are not alive, but still it is hard not to feel bad about them. And yes, I did actually pick up toys from the street once every few years: at least two toys I saw in that dream were real, although the teddy bear one is not one of them. Quite honestly, if there were no one to visit me and witness I would have been feeding toys like I did when I was a kid. I also don't understand why people decorate the cake they are about to eat. All these decorations only make me sorry to eat it and I have to put some effort in ignoring them in order to enjoy the taste of the cake.

I also feel that virginity is an alive object, too, and doing sexual things that leads to losing virginity kills it and I feel sorry for it (I have a separate post on it, see here http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt86324.html ) But at the same time I also feel bad for ruining my relatioship with Jennifer, the girl I had last two years (see http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt110419.html ), especially remembering how much she trusted me when I took care of her while she was sick, and also remembering how at one time when she thought I changed back to the very good person I used to be she told me "I missed you"; even though a couple of days later I disappointed her again. The funny thing is that my feeling sorry for virginity (and thus refusing to do sexual things) is part of the reason why we ended up broken up, although by far not the main reason. So its like no win situation, either hurt virginity or hurt the love.

And also in general if I think of all the times I disappointed anyone, if I just put my pride aside and just focus on having disappointed people, I feel bad. Even the fact that I went to school far away from home when my mom didn't want me to makes me feel bad. True, I am 29 years old now, and I was 21 when I left home, which means that I was old enough to do that and my mom was the one underestimating me. But again, if I put pride aside, I just feel bad I hurt my mom. My being away from home was financial burden on her and I am sure she suspects that at least part of a reason is not academic but actually my wanting to be away from home.

Now since I brought up my mom then, at least in the situation of her conflict with Jennifer (the girl I had the last two years) I was bound to hurt one or both of them, since they weren't going to take the same side, and I ended up hurting both (see http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt108539.html ). But even though that was bound to happen I still feel bad that I hurt my mom by partially siding with Jennifer and hurt Jennifer by partially siding with my mom.

I know that some of my posts here are very arrogant and prideful. And I feel sorry for that too. I think that attitude also hurts the sensitive aspects of things and when I put my anger and everything aside I just feel bad for having said most of the things that I did in these posts. I also feel bad for lashing out at people, whether it be Jennifer or others. I shouldn't be doing it.

I dunno, do you guys feel like crying when you just stop and think of all the flowers that were killed and all the toys that were neglected, and all the relationships that were compromised.

You seem like you feel a little too guilty about EVERYTHING, as if it's all up to you to make the world right. Also, you are giving inanimate objects feelings. It shows your sensitivity that you are taking it to this extent, but maybe you need to redirect your compassion. In your last post, you intertwined virginity, failed relationships and dead flowers, as if they all have the same value. I feel like you are projecting your personal losses onto other things. Try to make peace with your past; we all have one. And as far as remorse over your posts....fear not, as this is an anonymous forum. This is a place where you can self analyze without judgement.

When I was very young I would project human/animal like qualities into inanimate objects. At some point, I realized this isn't rational, and that my emotional capacities can't even be extended to all the people I know all the time.

Animals are a different case. They're not people, but they're not things, either. If one's sympathies are to be extended beyond people, then animals are the next logical step. I'm also somewhat uncomfortable with the idea of killing animals for food.

I am uncomfortable with being a meat eater too, but not enough to give it up, yet...Some people argue that plants have feelings too. I think they are called fruiterians, but I'm not 100% sure. I used to think that it was a shame that we didn't mourn every time someone in the world died, which is totally irrational and would have been impossible, but I was "traumatized" at the time.

Personally I feel pity for whatever is weak. So this reverses a chierarchy since people are the strongest, animals are weaker, and plants are even weaker.

I never heard of fruiterians before. Interestingly, I had the idea along these lines few months ago so I am glad others thought of that too.

As far as eating meat I don't feel bad about it because it is already killed. But I do feel bad that people kill it. I wish there was something I could do about it. Unfortunately, my own eating or not eating meat won't influence their decision how many alimals they would kill. If it did, I woul dhave definitely stopped.

Just a thought...are there any hobbies or interests that you used to enjoy doing as a child that you no longer do? The toys could represent those, but the dreams might be saying that there is still energy there to be had, fun, if you can find out what it is that wants to be expressed in 'play' or a playful way.

Animals in dreams are usually something deep, instincts, or feelings. Perhaps it just wants to remind you that he exists, to acknowledge a feeling or an instinct...Bears in dreams can also symbolise strength, and new life. Maybe the new life would come from doing something playful, or what you would normally think of as as 'for children only'.

i basically agree with Starr. It seems the dream says a part of you (teddy bear) that's been forgotten or ignored is now once again set to play an important role in your life .. if you let it. Playfulness? Joy? Innocence? Energy? ...

It seems also, it strikes me, this means a lot to you. You say you keep feeling the teddy bear close after the dream ends. You really seem to care a lot about it. i feel like suggesting: yes! keep hugging and loving the teddy bear!

You are wrong. As more people stop buying meat the profits from killing animals and selling them falls. Every year more people choose to not eat meat.

Yeah but that would require several people stop eating meat, and I can't change that statistics by my own personal decision.