Self identity crisis

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I'm not sure how many people will relate to me here, but I'll give it a go.

Currently, I feel like I don't know myself. My opinion and understanding of who I am changes regularly. It affects many different parts of my life and areas of my persona.

My main are of difficulty at the moment is my immediate identity demonstrated to people through interests and knowledge. I feel that I have got stuck between one type of person and another. One part of me is obsessed with buses. I can sit and watch YouTube videos of buses non stop for hours. I could also spend a long time studying route maps or timetables. Even just the motion they have when they move just get's me excited. The other part of me will avoid this and stop myself from talking about buses with certain people or from partaking in any evident action showing the fact I like buses, like filming them with my camcorder or buying models of them.

This example, I have mentioned in a previous thread, but it's a good one that represents similar issues in all areas of my life.

Does anybody have or has anybody ever had a crisis like this? How would I go about resolving it? I would like to at least start with focusing on something to work my out of it. Right now, I feel like it's an impossible task and I'd rather give up and end everything.

I forgot to say, I think the second part of me is concerned with fitting in with other people. I usually still fail, though.

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling confused. I have found the identity question to be a difficult one at various pivotal points in my life.

I think the problem for me (and I suspect other aspies too) is that we are unable to see ourselves (our identity) reflected in others in quite the same way that neuro-typicals do. And because we are trying hard to focus on something which we can only ever glimpse in traces of shadows, and that is always going to be a bit crazy making.

I can say that because at this point in life I am relatively well supported. I have a place to live and a job I quite like. I have literally a few good friends and feel I must at least be tolerable company... i can pretend not to care, but that would be a lie.

I would say that you are in some ways lucky that buses bring you so much pleasure. I have had a few different hobbies over the years, I can get quite fixated on something for anything years at a time. Then I notice it has gone: the magic is gone and the hobby is suddenly little more than a memory. Well, when one diversion ends, I reckon you should start another one

Your interests do represent some of who you are but not all of who you are, because we are way more complex as individuals. I think that aspies are no more or less complex but we are sometimes different enough from the norm for some people being scared to take us on as friends.

If you're struggling with self-identity, have you considered you may have borderline pesronality disorder? I'm not saying you do, but that is definitely a symptom. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality

I know exactly what the original poster means. I feel i am made up of 2 sides in many ways.

One side is my sociable side which wants lots of friends and is fascinated with people.

The other side of me is my aspie side which is preoccupied with objects, sounds, sensations, and research and doesnt feel the need to conform and try and get along with people at all, only recite opinions and information, argue... being opinionated, flamboyant and non-conformist, which is not really something a lot of female aqcuaintances like.

Anyway just to say I know what you mean.

Thanks for this. It's nice to hear other people have experienced the same problem. I think the understanding you have both explained is just right to how I feel. I guess it's just something else I need to research and work on.

rmgh, I think it's okay to have two sides to yourself, or even more. People are not one-dimensional and it's normal to recognize that certain behaviors and ways of being are preferable in some situations over others. And if in the course of behaving differently, you discover that you can function equally well in either realm, and experience a bit of a sense of not knowing who the "real you" is, I think that is just you experimenting and adapting, which is what humans do.

Maybe you will reconcile the two "selves" and maybe you won't, maybe you will abandon one for the other, or maybe you will blend the two, or maybe you will always have a slightly different "persona" depending on where you are or who you are with, or maybe you will become something else completely different from either one. People are not meant to be static, and change is common and not necessarily bad.

I think that sometimes we fixate on the idea that we are "X.Y,Z" and ONLY "X,Y,Z" and we perceive any change or variance as a denial of self or some kind of problem (I used to!), but I also think that as long as whatever you are doing works for you, and you are happy, that is the only thing that matters.

If you feel unhappy, then that is something to take a look at and work on specifically - like, if you WANT people to know you like buses, yet feel like you are somehow hiding it from them, then try to share just a little of your interest with people who were previously unaware of it. Or, if you feel your obsession with buses is stopping you from functioning, then try to cut down on the time you spend on them, by focusing on something else. Most importantly, don't attach value to either way of being, like one is better than the other. You be the way you WANT to be, in as many incarnations as expresses all of your sides.

I know what you mean, I feel the same way. Actually I have been required to sit down and evaluate my "other" side recently, it's more of the rock chick kind and has somewhat been fading as my confidence in who I am has been shaken.

i never have a self identity crisis because i always keep my birth certificate with me.

I have BPD. I frequently loose my sense of identity. Sometimes I feel like a crude caricature of the people around me. At my worst, I felt completely depersonalised.

If you think you have it, you should see a psychiatrist and get assessed.

Thank you for your advice.

What support are you given for this?

Right now none as I made all my therapists hate me However I am on meds and have a psychiatrist appointment coming up. I'm also on the waiting list for CBT but I'm not sure whether that will be of any help.

I had a bit of an identity crisis, back in October after coming out of a Punk Rock fantasy. Identity crises are no fun. I hope that you can manage to work yourself through yours, like I was able to work myself through mine.

Good luck.