Do you not recover well from 'little things'?

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I always thought I did recover well from life's upsets. I believe that I manage fine enough when things go horribly wrong, but the little things... they get to me and I have a hell of a time recovering from them. I know it is unfair of me to expect that the things that other people see as small should also be small to me, but still I end up feeling rather awful because of my inability to cope with things everyone else in my life has no problems with at all.

Yesterday started off great. I woke up to an empty, quiet house and got to be lazy without interruption and I really needed that. After wasting my morning away, I set off to fix my bathtub which had a clog. I was quite pleased with my handy work, as I had never undone pipes and whatnot and repaired them. I became so caught up in my laziness and new found plumbing abilities, that I forgot about time and the fact that I was supposed to go with my husband and three of our kids to the bank and college bookstore.

The bank was ok. The bookstore was not okay and the drive home would have also been not ok, but since I was already shaken from the bookstore, the drive home was horrible. Getting home was horrible, being home was horrible. It was one of those one thing after another kinds of afternoon and by the time I was supposed to be making dinner... I was ready to go crawl into a hole in the ground and bury myself for five minutes of silence. I was pretty messed up last night and ended up asking my husband a series of questions, but I could not make my words say what my head was thinking and he got all annoyed with my questioning and I freaked out because he sounded mad at me. I hate it when that happens. One little thing after another without enough mending time between events it seems... it is more than I can deal with. I know this. I am still not fully recovered from yesterday. I wish I was. I do not like feeling this way.

It bothers me that I react this way to things that everyone else seems to be immune to. It is an additional slap in the face, I think, that I can handle situations that others would consider emergencies without having this reaction. Had my house burned to the ground yesterday, I would have done alright in comparison, whereas my family would not have done so well. I react so very wrong to so many things. I know it is not fair to me to say that just because a thing is big or small to someone else, that is should also be that way with me, but I get envious over the way so many people take so many things in stride that seem to just destroy me. I know it is wrong to think that way, but still I think it when I am unable to recover from mundane nonsense.

I try to cope with these things by limiting my activities, taking my down time when I need it, dragging my mp3 player with me places and wearing those awful sunglasses to help with the sensory stuff... I do not know if I am doing enough or not nearly enough. I doubt I am the only one who gets all messed up over 'little things', so I come here and ask, do you get to feeling like that... all messed up over things that others are immune to? What is your recovery time if you have a day full of things like that? What do you do to lessen the damage before hand if you know you are going into a stressful situation and how do you reset yourself after? If you have a support system, people in your life who help you, how do they help you or do they not help at all? Sorry for the length of this post and the excessive questions... I am just getting tired of this and not only seek to find like minds at the moment, but any insights into making this less problematic that I can try to make this sort of thing more manageable in the future.

Hiya,

I can relate to what you're saying about the big and small things, and actually, I did have a big fire in my house a few years ago, and I was relatively ok, and had to support my NT husband through it. Whereas a small criticism or small thing going wrong, and I can fall apart for days.

One thing I have discovered is a new friend, who is NT, but aspie friendly(high IQ, highly empathic and mother of an aspie), who will talk to me, and do what her son calls "detangling". I go to her all miserable and messed up, and she has be laughing within minutes, and helps me dig my way out of the mental dead end alley I've inadvertently wandered into.

I can't do it for myself, but hope that maybe you can negotiate with your husband(or someone else) to recognise the need for "detangling" and for him to help you do it.

I wonder if the problem started because you lost track of time and weren't able to mentally prepare for the bookstore and the bank. I think that affects me. You had to transition too quickly and that affected everything else.

I have some theories on why you felt terrible.

Maybe you were afraid that your husband feels you betrayed his trust by not doing certain things you promised.

Maybe it was one of those moments where you feel "blind" and unable to determine the impact of your actions on others, so you made up something monstrous to fill the void.

Maybe it is something that reminded you that you're different, "thought I was doing so well, and then I failed here". And then being slightly upset over it made you upset that you're upset that you're upset that you're upset... escalating ad infinitum.

Perhaps you were set off balance by the having to go out, and then the sensory problems there sort of wore you down. I know because that has happened to me. Then once that happens the feelings of "Other people can handle the shop. Why not me?" are the final stressor.

Detangling... I like that. It would be nice to have a detangler. I do have the mother of an old friend who manages to get a good laugh out of me when she comes around. Perhaps I should get in touch with her and see what she thinks of that. While growing up she was very much like a mother to me and would likely enjoy visiting more than we do now. That is a good suggestion. Thank you. I tend to forget about people in my real time life when I get all bent out of shape. Heh. I can be altogether too reclusive...

It likely did. I do need a lot of prep time for anything, especially things outside of my house... to have it suddenly jump in my face like that... yeah... no good was going to come from that. I should have just tried to hold off a bit before running off to run errands like I did. I still have a hard time pacing myself, though I like to think I am getting better about it. It seems to be difficult for me to be honest with myself about my own limitations or realize that things could go wrong while I am in that moment.

Well, in my own dysfunctional way, I did do what I was supposed to do, so I did not break any promises. More likely I ended up feeling bad because I was quiet and withdrawn due to the stress of it all. I tend to start thinking he is mad at me when I act that way. I had not thought of him being an early part of my upset, but he likely was.

I do not know.. I am no good at knowing how my actions impact others until later... even then it is questionable at best, unless they flat out tell me. I do make things into monstrosities though. That is truth for certain. I tend to go in extremes. Something is not moderately bad, it is really bad or completely manageable. I need to chew on this...

It was a harsh reminder that I am different, and I had been doing good that day... I had been doing good for awhile now. Yeah, harsh reminders are just that... and they are not so fun. I am bet that helped fuel my fall yesterday.

Your post kind of has me taken aback. I get like that... sensory issues drain me. I go and try to do things that everyone else can do when I need to and it takes so much to just barely maintain and it is seems so easy for so many people and I try and trying drains me. I know that no matter how much I try, I will never be able to pull it off like he bulk of the population does. I wish I could. Some days it kills me that I cannot.

I feel you on this one. It does seem large emergency's I am cool as a cucumber, but something small happens like the store is out of what I am there to get and I fall to pieces. e.g. I was living with my father as his caregiver, and one morning my roommate came and told me that my dad was unresponsive in his wheelchair. I go check for a pulse, listen for breath sounds and assertain he has passed away so I called 911 to report it, kind of like I was following a mental checklist. All this time I am cool, calm, and collected. I even went to work that day (although I did call them and tell them I was going to be late as I needed time to "decompress" after my hysterical sister left). Now in theory the "proper" reaction was my sisters. When she got there she broke down in tears and was lying there on the floor by his body weeping. (I was 25 at the time and she is in her 40's (half-sister from dad's first marriage)). But I had a mini meltdown when walmart was out of the size wiper blade I needed or when the lunch room was out of soft pretzels (which is part of my morning snack routine).

Walmart on its own is enough to give me a mini melt down. Heh. I hate that place. It is crazy though, no... we can put up with the most 'upsetting' of situations just as cool as can be... It blows my mind some days. I guess the functioning well under duress is a good trait to have though.

Big things like almost dying (not that that ever happened to me; it didn't) are fun to talk about after, unless people feel bad for me; then it's awful and BECOMES traumatizing because it's like they are scolding me for being stupid or think I'm pathetic.


Little things are BORING to solve so they cause more trouble.

The same thing happens to me. I get so upset over stupid things that don't bother most people. I have to quit talking when I get like that or a giant argument starts about how I overreact. Always happens if one of the kids misbehaves in a restaurant. I go to the restroom for 10 minutes; if not I will start making a scene too. Then my husband starts yelling at me for overreacting. I can't handle Walmart most of the time. I think I have flipped out there more times than anywhere (except my in-laws).

Most times I react fine with emergencies because I'm always thinking what would I do in an emergency.

I get upset when things don't go according to the plan or when I forget to turn in paperwork or schedule an appointment.