Terminology - Married/Widowed

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There was someone who was very kind, and explained to me that my dead husband was not my ex-husband, and ironically, that it was my status that has changed, not his.

Ummm, I was wondering if I could ask another question based on that subject.
If someone asked "Are you married", I of course used to confidently answer "Yes".
Can I still say that, or do I have to say "No, I am widowed", or even "Yes, but I am widowed".

I suppose I am still very confused. So many stupid little details that I keep on falling over.

I think the simple "I am a widow" response is best; if they want to know more, they can ask.


M.

Do I have to tell them that? I just want to get past the married question without lying.

Agreed -- "'Til death parts us." -- and from another of your posts I see you know how to handle nosey or intrusive people having no legitimate reason to even know!

Last edited by leejosepho on 09 Jan 2010, 2:57 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I think that if you believe you are still married (I don't see why death should be a divorce), you should say yes.

I think I can be good at it, but suspect that because it's a subject I'd never really thought of having to deal with for another 30-40 years, and it's a tad raw, my brain seems to go bye-bye.

To be honest, I would like to be able to say Ebec's answer, if it's not lying.

"I've never been divorced, but my husband is no longer here."

I'm not sure, but there has to be myriad options that express what you feel. Keep playing with it until you find one that feels right. Just be aware that if you are seeking to date in the future, that telling others you are married might affect things.


M.

Say what you want to say, and if they're nosy, just tell them it's not of their business. I know it must be a hard time for you, and if it helps you to say that you're married (which I think is true), then say it. I don't think you're required to say you're a widow, not until you're ready (if ever) to do so.

BTW, thank you for the compliment.




Maybe I do have a really bad/morbid sense of humour, but that made me laugh. The confusion that could cause, the accusations, the exciting of interest of dodgy people who like married women!

There are many facets to the problem, in many painful aspects, but one aspect is that I seem to attract dodgy men I'd never dream of considering.

This was embodied by the latest run in that I've described elsewhere in this forum. It dodgy character who butted into my conversation with someone else at a bus stop, asked if I was married, and then when I answered "Yes", he kept on telling me how lucky my husband was, despite me trying to carry on my conversation with someone else.

I was really angry at my husband as this character muttered at me, thinking

- if he were alive, we'd be doing something else
- I wouldn't be at a bus stop, he'd be driving me
- was I not confident enough in answering "Yes" to "Married?", and maybe that's what some vulture instinct in this character has picked up.

With creepy people like that, instead of saying yes, you could say that it's none of his business.

I should do that, thank you.

This guy would have bothered you regardless of what you said to him. If you were single and said so, he'd have kept asking for your number regardless of how many times you told him no. Or bothered you in some other way in response to other answers.

I'm sorry for your pain. About the anger, it's a part of grief (and being irritated by this guy at the bus stop certianly didn't help).