Why can't I let this go?

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This girl has been ignoring me for about a month now and I can't seem to get over it. Everyone else says they care about me and that it's not worth worrying about, and I appreciate that, but I just can't seem to shake this thing. I still really like her (secretly, as more than a friend) and I miss her. I want to let this go, and I need to let this go because it's not healthy for me, but I'm just so obsessed with this person. It's like an addiction to a drug or something. GAAH!! ! It's driving me insane!! What should I do?

I dont know much about obsessing over people (or relationships for that matter), but I do know about obsessions. Mine just tend to be about things.
I have found the best way to get rid of any obsession is to replace it. Find something constructive and channel that obsessive energy there. You can actually turn that single minded focus into a force of good.

...... and besides she was never right for you anyway.

Oh geez, I wish I had advice for you but I don't. I'm in the process of figuring out how/when to leave a bad marriage and there's a friendship that I still care about a lot which fell apart a little while ago too and I unfortunately have no words of wisdom as I'm just trying to get through it all without losing my mind. I wish you luck and offer my support, though. I know how it is to obsess over these things (hint: I'm up at 2:25 AM my time obsessing)

~Kate

Ughh, Trust Me, It's Not Worth The Trouble You Making It Out To Be, I Was Obsessed With A Girl Throughout My Entire Highschool Career, It Only Brought Me Pain And Heart Ache. We Became Friends After I Fell For Her, She Had A BF So I Backed Off During Her Relationship, But After HS Was Done, She Broke Up With The BF. I Gave Her Some Time After The Break Up And I Finally Told Her How I Felt. But It Ended Just As I Had Thought, The Worst Case Scenario, She Just Wanted To Be Friends.

I Know Letting Go Is Tough, For Myself Personally, It Was Easier Just Telling Her That We Couldn't Be Friends After A Few Months After I Told Her How I Felt. It's Hard To Let Go Of Those Feelings, What I Found To Be The Biggest Obstacle, Was That Even Thought She Thought I Was Treating Her A Friend, I Was Actually Trying To Show Her My Affection, Nothing Heavy Though, So What She Thought Was A "Friend" Dynamic Of Our Relationship Wasn't The Same As My "Friend" Dynamic. So After She Broke My Heart, I Started To Act Around And Treat Her Differently, When She Called Me Out On This, I Had This Explanation For Her, Because I Couldn't Allow My Feelings For Her To Come Back, I Had To Limit What I Could Do And Feel When I Was Around Her.

The Biggest Problem Is That When Women Break A Friend's Heart Is That When They Do They Think The Next Day Everything Will Be Like Normal, Well Even With A Someone Who Is Deemed Neurologically "Normal", Has Problems With Such A Feat, Now When Someone Such As Ourselves Is Put In The Same Situation, It's As Is You Flip A Switch To The "Off" Position. Most "Normal" People Would Have A "Dimmer" Switch, They Can Adjust To The New Dynamic Of The Friendship, But Like I Said, We Can't, It's Either "Off"Or "On".

The Problem Here Is,She Wants Your Switch To Be A "Dimmer", However, You're Still In The "On" Position, But She'll get Mad If You Turn That Switch "Off". You Can Either Do What I Did And Tell Her That Since She's Not Romantically Interested In You, That If You Do Stay Friends It Would Be A Long Time Before You Find A New, Lower, "On" Position Or You Can Explain That Because We Experience Intense Emotions Combined With Obsessive Behavior, That If You Stayed Friends, It Would be Damaging To Both Of You.

However, I'm Just Giving You My Story And My Advice, What You Do From Here On Out Is Up To You. Whatever You Do, Make Sure You Learn From Whatever Experience That You Obtain From This. I Suggest, Try Finding Someone New, If Women Were Fish, The World Would Be One Hell Of An Ocean. Also., Who Knows, You May Like The New Girl More. And If That Happens, You'll Be Too Obsessed With Her To Even Think Twice About "Whatshername".

Also Just To Place Some Emphasis On What FJP Said, She Probably Wasn't Right For You Anyways.

Remember, The Greatest Enemy Of Any Challenge, Is Determination, As Long As You Don't Give Up Trying To Find The Right Person, You'll Find That Person. And Just Because You Lost This Battle Doesn't Mean The War Is Over.

Hope This Helps.

I don't know the history of your relationship with this girl but I know how you feel. I love and miss someone who doesn't want anything to do with me also. It's not easy to move on that's for sure. I believe finding a new obsession to distract yourself from thinking and wondering about her is a good idea. Writing about the situation has helped me change my focus some. Lately, I have been focusing on myself and my short term goals. More than anything, it's going to take time.

I dunno about finding someone new. If I tried that and that person broke my heart I don't think I could deal with it. I'd end up dead or insane. I have to disagree with that. too risky. I agree with whoever suggested focusing on yourself. That's what I'm just barely starting to do because I am really really really (really really) turned off to relationships right now and it will be a LOOOOONNNNG time before I will be ready to take any sort of risk in that regard, even for a booty call or superficial friendship. Yeah, it makes me f**king lonely, but that is a hell of a lot better than feeling like a reject.

~Kate

I Guess I Should Have Clarified With A Little More Detail.

You/He Doesn't Have To Find Someone New Right Away. During The Process Of Trying To Find Someone, You/He Can Find And Try New Things, Maybe You'll/He'll Find A New Interest, Such As A New Hobby Or Activity Where You/He Can Focus On That Instead.

Trust Me, Not Only Is This A Great Way To Get Your/His Mind Off "Whatshername" But It's A Great Way Expand Your/His Horizons While Meeting New People, Discovering New Interest, And Who Knows Maybe A Chance Encounter With Someone Special.

And Yes I Paraphrased This Post As It's A Reply That Not Only Serves As A Response To The Original User But As Clarification Of My Advice/Opinions Of The Matter, To Anyone Who Has Replied.

Everyone's different, I suppose, but IMHO if you're an obsessive type, if you're not completely over one relationship you shouldn't even allow yourself to let another one "just happen" or even put yourself in a position where it could, much less actively go looking for another relationship...because if that one doesn't work out, even if it's no one's fault, it is just horrendously heartbreaking and a double punch in the stomach. And if the other person isn't a massive jerk/b***h, you obsessively tell yourself that you have no one to blame but yourself because you *should have* waited till you were over the first relationship before falling for someone else. That's why I will be treating men like the PLAGUE for a LONG time now and only focusing on me, my kids, my job, and my interests. I don't hate men, I'm even starting to forgive my husband for crap he's said and done even though I know I have to leave him for my own good, and I may want to have a relationship some day in the distant future with someone who accepts me for who I am, but I wouldn't recommend that anyone still hurting over a relationship go looking for another one until they are comfortable that they are operating from a personal position of strength and not one of pain. Otherwise, if they get hurt in their new relationship it will be devastating.

Just my two cents.

~Kate

To Meow 101:

And Your Two Cents Are Very Valid, I'm Just Giving Advice On What Helped Me Out Because I've Been In A Similar Position And It Was Nightmare Until I Found The Strength To Go Out Try New Things And Meet New People, It Not Only Did It Keep My Mind Of Thinking About My "Whastername" But A Lot Of Good Came From It.

And I Don't Blame You For Treating Men As A Plague And You Should Focus On Your Family, As A Child Of Divorced Parents, I Know They Need Support From A Parent(s). So I Feel That You're Doing The Right Thing.

To Nintendogurl1990

I Hope You're Able To Digest And Take In All The Advice That Has Been Given To You, Because Ultimately You Could Have A Thousand People Give You Advice. It Could Be 100% Crap Or A Gold Mine Of Info But It's All For Nothing If You Don't Take The Time To Think About What We, You're Friends, Your Family, And What The Situation Tells You.