I really f-ed up bad this time

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I can't believe I have the capacity to be such a horrible person.


My phone got ran over last night, and it really put me in a bad mood, so much so that I went on to Facebook to vent. My cousin in Boulder was on, and asked me what was wrong. I snapped at her and was very mean, and we ended up getting into a huge row. Here's the gist of what was said:


Me: Don't ask me what happened tonight, if you value your lives.

Her: What happened?

Me: Did you not here what I just said? I don't want to talk about it!

Her: You know I just asked, and your being a b***h like you have to go post this s**t. You know what whatever, gosh f*****g whatever, I don't give a s**t.

Me: Fine! I don't give a s**t either! This has turned out to be the shittiest most f****d up birthday week ever, and you're only making it worse! You know what, forget about coming up this weekend. It's only going to make us both unhappy.*

Her: Fine f**k you I won't go! I have s**t to deal with anyway!
And yeah of course it's all my fault b***h, god your the worst cousin ever! WORST DAMN COUSIN!

Me: RIGHT BACK AT YA! Seriously, here I was thinking it would be nice to live close by and get to see you every once in a while, but it's been nothing but trouble! Go back to Japan or something!**

Her: Oh shutup you racist incontinent bastard. And your the one posing to be some japanese person anyway dumbass. Why don't you go back to Tennessie and stop tring to live close to us!***

Me: MAYBE I WILL! SCREW YOU!


* I had invited her to come visit me in Laramie for my birthday

**My cousin is Japanese on her mother's side.

***We used to live in TN but now we live in WY, which is much closer to where she is on CO. This was one of the reasons I was excited to come live here.

....Yeah, well at any rate after I said my last line I de-friended her on Facebook.


However, once I calmed down I began to feel really bad for what I had said. I sent a message to her Facebook and her email with a long apology. This was the middle of last night, but I haven't heard back from her yet on either channel.

I really didn't mean to say the things I said. She's really my favorite relative ever, I just can't believe I was so mean to her. Now I might lose her forever.

Family won't turn their back on you over one spat, don't worry. I'm sure once she checks her Facebook, everything will be fine.

WOW...all of that over a broken cell phone?

I'd hate to think how I'd lose it if my cell phone got ran over.

Just remember, when NT's say that don't want someone to ask them about something it's because they really do want to be asked. Welcome to opposite land! If you really don't want to talk about something, just don't bring it up and if anyone does just say "I really don't want to talk about it". In this case you might have explained "Look, I know people usually say that because they want to be asked, but it's going to really upset me to talk about it". Then change the subject.
Hope that helps!

If someone says something that upsets you or doesn't seem to get it...don't answer for 24 hours. Keeps a bad thing from getting worse.

Might not hurt to send some flowers and an "I'm sorry" on the little card attached to them. Would be well worth the $50.

That's good to hear.

I know this sounds old-school, but if you can't send flowers, a nice card and a one page handwritten letter telling her that she is really your favorite relative ever can go a long ways. It's only a few bucks. Even a stamped letter would be enough.

I guarantee it would really go a long ways. Girls like that stuff from guys, even if they're only cousins.

Judging from the posts, she seems to have become upset first, but if you didn't want to talk about your day, why post about it at all? There are better ways to avoid topics than that; just change the subject and ask about her day.

I think you were completely out of order for telling her to 'go back to Japan'. It was a pathetically cheap blow, irrelevant and racist. My boyfriend is Asian and I've seen how much s**t he has to go through, even in a supposedly 'accepting' culture; the not-funny jokes, the jabs and stereotypes. He's not overly-sensitive, but imagine if you had to got through this your whole life, and suddenly some family member whom you previously trusted comes along and joins in.

If I were you, I would apologise like Hell for your comments and just cross your fingers that she ever wants to speak to you again.

This is the Haven. That means keeping the comments positive, and NOT attacking those who are trying to provide constructive feedback. To all parties, please tone it down.


M.

ROXAS, I found it better to just NEVER vent on social networking sites like Facebook or a blog or whatever. I found back when I used to do a blog that most of my posts were like this and I decided to just quit blogs and Facebook all together because I was giving the wrong impression to my friends...and in some cases, it gives them a reason to pick on me more than they already were.

Plus your anger wont last forever but the expression of it being seen on the internet does.

Now in a place like here in the Haven section, I think it's alright cuz I really dont know anyone here and for people like you and me, our outbursts are much more understandable to others.

If I didnt have this place to vent...I'd probably be going nuts right now.