suicide ideas

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I have Aspergers. I have many difficulties. I am currently on prozac and seeing a therapist and mentor however life is still very hard and depressing. I struggle alot. I dont fit in and i dont think i ever will. Im trying hard to accept myself for having aspergers but I see how succesful my freinds are and it upsets me. I dont want to go into the details but as of recently i have been wanting to die. To escape from my troubles and finish them. Life isnt even that enjoyable anymore.
After summing up all the possible ways to kill myself i have come up with these as being the quickest, most pain free and least uncomfortable
1) Using a firearm however due to my age and the fact im of british origin getting my hands on one would be extremely hard
2) an overdose of heroin. heroin is an opiate so i wouldnt feel pain. i know who to get it from and would ask them for how much. I would then cut my wrists as i wouldnt feel any pain.

please give your thoughts, opinions and suggestions etc. sorry for its morbidity
sam

I don't have any suicide ideas for you, but I do have a suggestion. You can call your local crisis line and talk to somebody about what you're going through.

yes. i have called samaritans before but it doesnt really fix the problem. thanks for the suggestion though

Have you told your mentor? or your therapist?

I had a really good suggestion for killing yourself, but you'd have to be brave, but it works, none of this silly overdose stuff. But I don't think it would be fair for you to end all your pain while I have to continue living in my misery. Sounds like your main problem is your pride, you can't handle seeing others being successful. Bide your time, if you have a secret little belief deep down inside that there might be some light at the end of the tunnel, well maybe you should toughen up and battle on through the hard times, like I had to do. I've always wanted to kill myself, in fact yesterday was a good example. I don't want to go into details either.

If you really think you can kill yourself, then you're a braver man than I.

I wouldnt say its pride. I can handle it i just dislike it. and overdosing isnt silly, no pain etc. well in my opinion anyway. thanks for the ideas. yes my mentor and therapist know. And the strategies and suggestions they give me do help, but due to my continuing difficulties with AS and social situations I will end up very bitter and pessimistic and end up fantasizing about suicide after a while anyway.

"Résumé
by
Dorothy Parker

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren’t lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live."

I think the poem is quite clever. I know it's not much, but hang in there and please look after yourself.

1) You have things to contribute. For example, journalism these days is so lousy and so pro-establishment, that almost any half-assed effort is likely to be better. And you don't have to be perfectionist. In fact, it's better if you leave the result a little rough around the edges. You're not trying to filter, you're trying to let you viewer, readers see the result directly.

Or taking on corporate radio. Again, so lousy, that almost any half-assed effort on your part is likely to be better. And mistakes honestly made and matter-of-factly corrected add texture, and are probably a good thing (so much so that you'd probably be tempted to make them on purpose!, but I'm not sure I recommend that because I think the person might be able to tell

2) I take it that when you said you'd have trouble buying a gun at your age in the UK, that you might still be in high school. There are aspects of college that are much better. For example, I was amazed, my freshman biology teacher was actually interested in the subject (instead of BS classroom discipline like my high school biology teacher). As far as brainy, intellectual kids, let's say the intensely intellectual kids, that's a minority, but it's a larger minority easier to find, let's say 10%

3)"Moderate escapism is relatively easy to find" I hit upon this when I was battling what I thought was my "addiction" to pornography, including an interest in domination and submission, particularly spanking (there I said it!) Well, how am I ever going to find a partner, now the odds are much longer. Well, the existence of pornography and my use of it, I've come to view as good things, just a matter of not overdoing it. And domination/submission is a language, maybe like a form of meditation or altered consciousness. It let's me see through workplace bullying for the unnecessary BS it is. There is good domination and bad domination.

4) Can you adapt a special interest like this summer's World Cup?

5)Irwin Shaw novels, peace activism, selling furniture, poker in Vegas (broke even), these are some ways I've picked up new social skills




For example, a study was done asking why Einstein accomplished so much? For example, Niels Bohr and some of those other cool cats were just as smart. It was that Einstein cared more that he was more intense about the whole thing.

Not that any of us need to be f___ing Einstein. How boring that would be. That would be just another perfectionist trap and another label. And I myself am not particularly interested in subatomic particles, even tried to get interested following a Channel 8 show but didn't really take.

And we don't even need to be more than averagely smart. But the strength/liability that we can be intensely interested in things, we can learn how to channel that, accept that aspect of ourselves, learn when it plays to strength, learn when to graciously back off (not perfectly, none of this is perfect)

And make connections, like here on WrongPlanet, as imperfect as it is, and there damn sure are so disadvantages to the Internet

Pretty much any mid-sized city ought to have a Autism/Asperger's group.

We stand with our shipmates.

I don't know your family situation but think of the people in your life who care for you, suicide is always about me me me and is a selfish act because alot of people who were successful never thought of the effect their death had on the people who loved them.
Please choose to live, I choose to live and not hurt the people who love me.

this will probably not be a very productive comment, but I have had 2 days of reoccurring suicidal thoughts over misplacing my fancy expensive new glasses.....incredibly silly...and of course I know better...but the thought just popping into my mind over and over again that somehow this warranted my offing myself....

I am worried that if I start looking for my glasses again, the thoughts will return....

It is very worth it to snap out of the suicidal mentality...you will not be helping yourself or anyone else....
I am saying this to myself to...or trying to...

Straight up, you might be better off talking with a business person who has had both successes and failures in life. Counselor sand therapists tend to be . . . rather depressive mo fo’s! And they are be-righters. By that I mean, they have spent so long learning theory that “being right” is the ocean they swim in, and somehow that trumps your life going well! It’s incredible to behold, but that really seems to be the way it often plays out. Now, you may have lucked out and gotten a couple of people who are pretty good. But when the time’s right, you can still make feelers to other people. These days, some people have heard of Asperger’s. And other people just plain can be open to people who are different.

When I was 17, a psychologist did not take my father’s violence seriously. I think he viewed me as a sarcastic adolescent, or he so much wanted to view what was happening through “family systems” or whatever little pet theory he had---and he didn’t want to get in trouble in a small way, in that if I had reported the violence, the thing goes out of control, the police might take it seriously, they might not---and he’s now at risk of being criticized by his fellow psychologists. I think that’s what a lot of it came down to.

Again, you might have gotten someone good. I hope so. Please trust your gut feelings regarding that.

And for Prozac, I think the standard advice is to come off antidepressants slowly (but I am not a doctor).

This kind of small chickenshit stuff drives me crazy, too! With anger, with depression, and yes I go through periods where I have suicidal thougths, too.

But not just me, seeing "Thirteen Days" yesterday on cable, the movie about the Cuban Missile Crisis with Kevin Costner, it was the small unpredictable things that drove the President Kennedy crazy, too.

Keep the struggle.


Spock: "I stand with my shipmates."

Having Aspergers is a wonderfully unique thing! You should embrace it. Many famous people have had it and accomplished great things. I have it and love it, but it used to make me want to kill myself as well. I also have a medical condition that is extremely hard for me to accept on top of my Aspergers. You're lucky that at least you only have one condition

Regarding suicide: If you screw up, you may come out of an attempt alive but in worse shape than you started in. Believe me, it is possible. I've seen it. Before I had children it was what kept me from offing myself: remembering the vegetables I'd seen post-suicide attempt with a tube:orifice ratio greater than 1.

You can never be sure, and IMO you shouldn't bet anything you can't afford to lose.

Just my 2 cents,
~Kate

Wow thanks for the supports guys . Ill admit my suicidal feelings are here and probably still will be in the future but you did cheer me up. I think suicide is a very in depth topic though and there are many factors affecting it. What are your stories if your willing to share. I know it may sound odd but its nice having other people you know going through the same as you are. it makes you feel less alone again thankyou. sorry if this was a odd topic of conversation to choose.

If there was an assured, painless way of dying then a lot more people would kill themselves. Dying is ALWAYS painful. I watched my grandfather die from the ravages of cancer. The official party line is 'he passed away peacefully in his sleep'. Let me tell you, his last moments in the hospital were anything but peaceful.

I have a mixture of several hundred pills which I am 99% sure will kill me, when and if I swallow them.