severe inertia and boredom living on my own

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I just can't seem to find enough rewarding/stimulating things to motivate myself. Doing something fun for a few hours once or twice a week really isn't enough. I am so f*ing bored and lonely I can hardly take it. I'd probably do somewhat better if I had a part time job, but I can't get started on the searching process. It's too random and open ended. Just the thought immediately exhausts me. If I had something to reward myself maybe I could get started, but there's nothing on days like today. I can't make myself shower before noon because I just have nothing to motivate me, but I start to feel awful just sitting around not dressed most of the day. I currently have two friends IRL. One is this girl I'm sort-of dating (really we're just friends though ATM) and another is an older guy my father actually paid to be a "mentor" for me (feels pathetic). On days where I can't see one or the other I just don't have much to make me even want to move. The other issue is finding a truly private environment where I can feel comfortable. It's a pain in the ass always having to arrange to meet in public within specific limited time parameters. I know I can't tolerate feeling alone and stuck like this indefinitely. I've been feeling this way for the past 3 years. Prior to that I had a mental breakdown from stress. My parents are traveling in foreign countries for another week and I can't even call them up.

Why do you need to meet in public? Regarding feeling awful sitting around not dressed, could you start your day going for a walk or go to the park? Do you have a special interest?

Sorry you feel so bad. I have severe inertia problems, also.

Wish I had an answer for inertia.My motivation doesn't seem to be very good right now.Even if there is something to do,I feel too low energy to even attempt going out.
Hope you feel better.

I know at certain points in the past where I had people to talk to and had more fun the inertia didn't get so bad. There's a direct correlation between not wanting to do anything and being constantly under-stimulated and not having enough fun. I might not make it if this is how "adult life" is supposed to be. I just don't have enough to look forward to ever. I just don't understand. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I don't know how I'm supposed to cope. I don't know how I'm supposed to want to go on living like this forever. I'll go nuts.

It's not just that I have no motivation. I feel uncomfortably bored out of my mind. Almost restless. I don't want to go to bed at night even when I'm tired because I'm so restlessly bored and unhappy. I don't know why I'm so different. Why life feels like hell. Having a job I enjoy will help, but having an empty job I hate will make things much worse.

Y'know, we're supposed to be obsessed with stuff.
But that's just a generalisation
I was really in the same boat as you, when I was your age.

Most Aspies reject human interaction, but some,
thrive on it, need it,
feel incomplete without it

...I suggest applying for jobs that will engage you both socially and intellectually
teacher, comes to mind, first and foremost

I'm not sure that this is related to what you are going through, but I think what causes me to feel the way you describe is a lack of input. I generally avoid people, but there are times when I need to interact with people just to hear something new or to bounce ideas off the other person.

When I am alone, there is no one to suggest a different approach when I am stuck on a project. No one says "hey, let's take some photographs and develop the negatives in coffee." When I am alone, I only have myself to inspire me. I can find a lot of things to do on my own, but after a while I run out of ideas.

There is also the problem of when I am alone, I start to wonder why I should bother to take a photograph or write a story or make a film. No one will ever see them. While I often do these activities for my own pleasure, I still want them to be seen. But I don't know how to interact with people so I don't know how to get my work seen. Without an audience, creative work sometimes ends up feeling pointless.

We all need a certain amount of input that other people can provide. Other people can push us out of the boxes we live in and get us to experience new things that enrich our lives. We also need to know other people hear and understand us. If we talk, but no one listens, it tends to make us feel less than human.

So how do you get out of state you are in? I wish I had a good answer that would work every time. The best I can offer is a few ideas that sometimes work for me.

Working on projects that provide a direct benefit to yourself. For example, in my case, I bought a house that is a fixer-upper. It has provided me with many projects that, when completed, make me feel pretty good. I've re-wired the entire house. I've patched leaks. I am currently installing a bathroom in the basement. These things require direct engagement of my mind and also require some physical labor that keeps me happily occupied for long stretches of time. Because I know that I will have something useful in the end, I keep going despite the occasional frustrations. Maybe you enjoy computer programming. Write a program that does something valuable to you.

As mentioned by others, go for a walk. It's surprising what a little activity can do to make you want to do more activities.

Listen to podcasts. While certainly not as good as interacting with friends, I often enjoy listening to podcasts (especially those where two or more people have a conversation) because it sort of feels like I am part of a conversation with friends. For me, podcasts about wood working, science and skepticism, photography or politics often provide information that I can chew over and incorporate into my life. They don't help with the "output" issue, but they do provide some input.

Do something different. I haven't done this in a while, and it probably should do it soon... Go for a drive to some place you've never been before. I've always loved exploring so this works for me. I live in L.A. So there are many different kinds of environments fairly close by. Within a few minutes I can be driving in the mountains or I can go out to the desert or the beach. So long as you don't live in Nebraska, you can probably find a different enough environment close by that might be interesting to explore. At any rate, sometimes just getting in a car a driving with no particular place to go can be interesting.

Take a class. This can provide you with people you can interact with. I have made friends with people I have met in classes. It also provides both input and output in that you learn stuff and then show your work. Photography classes are a great way of stimulating yourself. But consider other crafts; woodworking, ceramics, painting, writing, etc.

Volunteer. If you have a local community theatre, see if they need any back stage help. Theatre seems like an odd choice for an Aspie, but that's what I majored In, I college. There can be an intense, thrilling intimacy that comes with the panic of putting on live theatre. Or there are organizations like "Habitat for Humanity" that help others. Doing stuff to help people can be very rewarding and you can find interesting and compassionate people that way.

The hardest part is getting started, but remember, inertia does not mean siting still. A body at rest tends to remain at rest. A body in motion tends to remain in motion. If you can push yourself into motion, it can take on a life of its own and you can keep moving forward.

Good luck.

There isn't really anyone here I even want to hang out with,nothing really in common.
I'd rather be by myself than to try and act interested in something I don't care about.
I feel like the Townes Van Zandt song,"Waitin' Around To Die."

When I felt like this, I had a serious depression. They may have called it agitated depression or depression with agitation. It was a long time ago. The medications or combination of meds and therapy helped me out of it.

when I get like that I just tell myself SELF DISCIPLINE over and over. I set things for myself that have to be done and then make myself do them. Dishes, laundry, bills. No excuses. Specially if I notice myself putting something off more than 2-3 times, I make a point of making myself do it. When you start moving your body chemistry starts to function differently. Exercise is really important because endorphins make you feel happier. I don't ever want to move out of bed but I force myself to over and over again. That's just how it has to be. It's not too bad when you get used to it.

I don't think you can understand me. I'll never get used to it. I take care of things eventually because I feel even worse if I don't, but I still get sick of negative motivation being the only drive to do anything. I need positive rewards too. I need happiness like everyone else. Otherwise there's no point in continuing. Telling myself "SELF DISCIPLINE" simply makes me feel a burning rage and strong desire to die. All I feel is desperate frustration and rage at myself. I'll be backed against the wall. I'm 33 years old. I've been fighting this for close to 20 years now. I'm not naive. I already know what doesn't work for me.

I know I did better when I had regular meaningful social interaction. I know meaningful interaction is a need, not just a want. I can't survive on solitary special interests. I'll always get bored if I don't have enough to share. I've been participating in Meetup groups, but they don't occur often enough (I go do one or two per week). I have fun for a day, get exercise with others, etc... but I just haven't been able to get the deeper more regular connections I know I really need to feel whole. I know what I need to survive. I just don't know how to get it. Modern society seems f****d up. It just doesn't cater to the psychological needs of someone like me. I really think I'll end up in the mental ward or worse if I can't find an alternative way of existence.

I COMPLETELY understand you. I was just sharing my experience not suggesting you take it up if it doesn't suit you. I am 42 years old and still feel that way almost every day. But I also feel happy sometimes. I don't expect anyone or the world to cater to my needs. I am prepared for trouble and hostility all the way and feel pleasantly surprised when this isn't forthcoming.

Have you tried Cognitive Behaviour Therapy? Sometimes we have limiting beliefs we are not even aware of, and if we can identify and change those, it is as if a mountain is lifted off one's shoulders (in my experience and experience of others)

Mental wards are worse than what you are going through. Google it.

I think it's insulting to claim you are certain you understand me. I shouldn't expect anyone to cater to my needs, but that doesn't change the fact that I have real needs. That's a conundrum aint it? Pretending I don't have emotional needs hasn't exactly worked for me. What I really need is a complete change in my life situation. Simply being told to "suck it up", "appreciate the little things", etc... won't help. Having multitudes of pill concoctions thrown at me won't help. Having the same crap fed to me over and over and over isn't going to help. I need some major change, and soon. If I don't want to go to a mental ward perhaps I shouldn't even talk about wanting to kill myself. Perhaps I should just secretly go off and do it. I don't understand why society would insist I must live when the scales simply don't balance or add up to anything that would make living worthwhile for me. Call it selfish, but that's what it really boils down to. I think anyone would feel the exact same way in the same situation.

I have been beyond self-discipline. When I was suicidal, medication and talking to someone (psychiatrist) got me out of the angst and misery. With a few exceptions, it does not have to be this way.

My therapist is doing CBT. I'm really sick of trying medications that never have a definite positive effect on my mood yet always have detrimental side effects. My therapist seems to think I'm making progress because I do go out and do things with people a few times a week. He doesn't really get it that it's not really going to be enough and that I might not be able to keep it up in the long run. I also don't know how things are going to work out with the one friend I have. She's so stressed out with school work I'm not sure she wants to see me that often.

Planning outings just takes a lot of energy out of me. If I get to the point where I'm working 5 days a week and supporting myself I doubt I'll have the energy for major social outings on weekends. If my job winds up being too tiring and stressful I'll need the weekends to recuperate. Either my job has to be something more stimulating than stressful, or I have to live with some kind of close friend so I have something to look forward to in the evening. Spending my evenings alone, tired, and bored will be the death of me. In that situation my depression will become intolerable once the days grow short. I'll be forced to quit my job. I know that's how it is from past experience.

Maybe if you print out this thread or what you wrote on this thread and have the therapist read it will help him understand the depth of your depression. The meds that helped me were from the 1970s. So far, I have not liked the meds I tried in the last 20 years or so. Feel free to send me PMs if you want a PM friend. Will you feel better when your parents get back from travel?

I don't know why I'm so damn sensitive. I talked to some random guy at a meetup I attended, probably shared too much info regarding my depression. He kept saying that I just need "more experiences" and "perspective" and need to "get out of my comfort zone". I think it was at least 50% dead on, but part of me still took it the wrong way. It just came off as him talking to me from some position of "superior wisdom" which always just bothers me, especially when I could tell he probably didn't experience the same level of depression I have, or really comprehend that life hardship does not equate to depression. I think I've already realized that I do need to push myself out of my comfort zone which is why I ended up moving 3000 miles away from parents so that I'm forced to try and broaden my social network. I just ended up feeling a bit of tension in the conversation and ended up feeling more sour afterwards. It just f*****g sucks.