Another fight with roommate

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I need to vent. I'm really upset and sad.
So ... another fight with my current roommate.
I'm beginning to count the months until I can afford my own place.
Just another in a long string of people who hate me.
Because I offend everyone without meaning to, or knowing that I'm doing it.

I know that I could have handled this a tiny bit differently now.
But can at least one person say that she's taking it too personally so I don't feel so dern sad and mad?

I'm really hurting here tonight.

She's a teacher, knows I have Asperger's and I've told her what that means ... that sometimes I offend people without meaning to. Isn't an excuse for me being rude to her -- IF I KNOW THAT I'M BEING RUDE! But you can't not be rude if you don't know that you're being rude. *sigh*

I just wish she would have handled the responses to me with a) less sarcasm, and b) more nicely explain what I did wrong.

It feels like she's always mad at me. I don't even want to see her any more.

Here's the scenario.

She sent me 5 long texts at work.
I responded to the first.
Then I got mad because my phone kept beeping.
I couldn't turn my phone on silent because I was waiting for doctor's office to call.
My phone doesn't have a vibrate mode.
I wanted her to stop texting me. It wasn't an emergency.

Me: "Pls. stop. I'm at work." [here's where I could have been nicer but honestly didn't occur to me to say anything else.]
Her: "Wow. So am I. You shouldn't have responded to my first text if you're not allowed to text."

After work, I answered her text.

Me: "Issue wasn't text at work but number of texts. I couldn't turn phone on silent because I was waiting for the doctor's office to call."

Her: " 'Sorry I'm busy' or 'can't talk' would of been a nicer way of saying that! 'Pls stop' sounds like I was just pissin you off!"

[Yes, "can't talk" would have been nicer. I see that now. But I NEVER EVEN THOUGHT of saying that. I wasn't *trying* to be rude. I just wanted her to stop bloody texting me at work so I don't get fired. So this is actually a good tip. I just wish she wasn't so snippy, and I wish she understood that I wasn't *trying* to be rude in any way.]

At this point, what I wanted to say here was $#!$!#@ you!

But instead I said, "How about this. 1 text during work except emergencies and e-mail if you need to say more. This way neither of us will be mad but will still have a way to communicate." [I thought this was a good compromise, and would give her my expectations.]

Her: "I'm not mad, I was hurt. I didn't care that you couldn't talk it was the way you told me. I will be sure to e-mail from now on! Texts can be taken the wrong way!"

I hate people.
Hate myself.
Hate this planet.
Gotta say something nice now. Um ... I like my phone.

She could have responded better. You've already said to her that you don't know when you've said something rudely so the assumption should have been made that you didn't know that what you said could have been rude.

She could have responded better. You've already said to her that you don't know when you've said something rudely so the assumption should have been made that you didn't know that what you said could have been rude.

Sorry to hear about that. For what it's worth (nothing really), on first reading your message I really didn't think anything of it (the please stop, I'm at work). I was actually thinking that was just more background information and the offensive part had yet to be mentioned That sounds very similar to what I would think in the same situation. To me it just seems to suggest that you would like the texts to stop (for now) because you are busy with work (not that the content of her texts was annoying, or that you just generally didn't care).

Of course reading further I guess there are better ways to phrase things in this kind of situation, but it can be hard to think of that spur-of-the-moment when you have other things occupying your thoughts like work and doctor's office calls.

Anyway, hope things work out for you.

Sorry, double post. Just trying to up my post count apparently.

I'm beginning to see *I* took it too personally, too. I feel better. But boy was I so incredibly sad an hour ago.

Also my roomie is conveniently forgetting that sending someone 5 texts in a row while you know they are at work is also rude.

Your roommate situation sounds a lot like the ones I went through during college and I can tell you it's still really getting to me to this day. I hope you will be able to afford your own place soon. Dealing with that kind of crap is NOT worth it...not worth it at all.

I apologized to my roommate.

She didn't apologize to me.

That pretty much tells me everything I need to know.

But I still can't move right this second.

Sorry about that, it sounds unfortunate. At least you tried to make things better by apologizing for your part. I think that's about all you could do. And yes, I very much agree that sending 5 text messages in a row is somewhat rude on its own.

Hope things work out for you.

Hey, me too! No laughing matter I guess, but I'm trying to be more apathetic in life. I feel like it would be better than hating everything and being sad and angry all the time.

I thought your response was fine. Who the hell sends 5 messages in a row if the other person hasn't responded to all the previous ones?

You explained well and you apologised. She's the one who is being rude and out of order. Don't let the fact that you have aspergers make you think that all arguments are your fault.

I've seen arguments like this amongst couples (including my bf and I). They can usually be explained by insecurity on the part of one, rather than insensitivity from the other (which explains why she felt 'hurt' even though she expressed it as anger). She's like a naughty kid that's just been chastised. That doesn't make it easier for you though and it's a bit rude of her not to apologise for her role in the argument (namely sending the texts and getting upset in the first place).

I've found that telling angry people they are 'mad' or 'angry' doesn't help. 'Upset' tends to go down better...

I read in another post you're thinking of moving out. Good luck with that, seriously. Life's complicated enough without being stressed at home too.

Sorry but she's the one who should be sorry not you jesus she had a go at you just because a text was worded in that way stress!