Sick of having no one to listen

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Kirsty_84
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14 May 2010, 3:06 pm

I've always been a "good listener" according to my friends and I don't mind offering advice to people or simply listening to their problems; I quite like that people feel they can offload onto me. However, recently I've been diagnosed with a serious illness, I'm virtually housebound and am starting to become pretty depressed. All my 'real life' friends are caught up in their own lives at the moment, work, family etc, so I just put a message on a forum I've used for eight years in which I kinda implied I was very down and depressed and contemplating drinking .... I don't drink ...
Has anyone replied? No.
Have they just ignored me and carried on as if I hadn't said anything? Yes.

I thought these people were friends, I know a lot about many of them, I listen to their problems, I email them and act like an agony aunt. Why the hell can't they do the same for me?

I'm so close to telling many people what I think of them ....



matrixluver
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14 May 2010, 3:18 pm

you run into alot- reciprocal and instrumental. If they are not reciprocating and giving you just as much support as you give them, you were involved in an instrumental relationship, and you were the instrument. When that happened to me, I focused all my energy on instrumental relationships that are healthy- helping others through my work, helping my family, etc. I would tell them that you are in need of the same assistance you've always given, and forget about them if they don't come through for you.



aloneinacrowd
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14 May 2010, 3:29 pm

Most people just don't know what to say or do in those situations.



Kirsty_84
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14 May 2010, 3:32 pm

I've just been sat pondering what I wrote and realised I've always been crap at asking for help, so maybe a little of the blame (if you can call it that) lies with me.

Re people not knowing what to say. I posted the message right under one by another member who was also very low at the time. She got the replies and the sympathy, I didn't get anything.



Lene
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14 May 2010, 4:03 pm

It is generally considered impolite to post your own problems in someone else's thread. That may be why you didn't get much sympathy at that time.

I'm sure if you posted your own thread and asked for help, people would be willing to help :)



Kirsty_84
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14 May 2010, 4:05 pm

Lene wrote:
It is generally considered impolite to post your own problems in someone else's thread. That may be why you didn't get much sympathy at that time.

I'm sure if you posted your own thread and asked for help, people would be willing to help :)


Sorry, I meant my thread was under someone else's ... I didn't hijack their thread. Anyhow, the forum isn't that 'strict' with rules, or unwritten rules, like that ... everyone just chips in :)



Lene
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14 May 2010, 4:13 pm

Kirsty_84 wrote:
Lene wrote:
It is generally considered impolite to post your own problems in someone else's thread. That may be why you didn't get much sympathy at that time.

I'm sure if you posted your own thread and asked for help, people would be willing to help :)


Sorry, I meant my thread was under someone else's ... I didn't hijack their thread. Anyhow, the forum isn't that 'strict' with rules, or unwritten rules, like that ... everyone just chips in :)


oh, ok. Sorry about that :) . Perhaps everyone was just suffering from compassion-fatigue?



Kirsty_84
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15 May 2010, 5:29 am

Lene wrote:

oh, ok. Sorry about that :) . Perhaps everyone was just suffering from compassion-fatigue?


Perhaps they just don't care. Think they must be sick of me after eight years ....



Lene
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15 May 2010, 10:05 am

Kirsty_84 wrote:
Lene wrote:

oh, ok. Sorry about that :) . Perhaps everyone was just suffering from compassion-fatigue?


Perhaps they just don't care. Think they must be sick of me after eight years ....


How often do you post threads like that? If it's only once in a while, I'm sure they aren't sick of you.



Kirsty_84
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15 May 2010, 12:19 pm

Lene wrote:

How often do you post threads like that? If it's only once in a while, I'm sure they aren't sick of you.


How often?

Never.



shawnh
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16 May 2010, 1:50 am

I always find fourms to be like high school. I always try to offer valuable information, but then in the end, I realize I'm not part of the "in" crowd and noone cares what I really have to say.