I have some issues.

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I think I might be paranoid. I keep getting the feeling that my family members are plotting to kill me. When I go outside I get afraid that some street thug is going to burst from nowhere and break my neck. Or worse - some of the bullies from high school are going to show up and succeed at making me cry. Sometimes it feels like there's an invisible audience watching my every move - they see my thoughts and they'll lash out at me If I even think the wrong thing.

When I go to bed at night I can often see shadowy figures standing around my bed - half visible. Their sadistic smiles like many crescent moons, like many Cheshire Cat smiles. Their eyes are glowing and unblinking, like the eyes of wolves watching prey. They seem to be scanning me. Their eyes frequently focus on my neck, gut and crotch. I frequently get quick mental images of what they might do. They might tear me apart and eat me in pieces, sharing the meat among themselves, one might jump on me and choke me to death ect. ect.

Sometimes I get a quick flashback to one of the times I was bullied in high school. It activates my fight-or-flight response at an innapropriate time. I got in trouble at work for running with the shopping carts because of it. They destroyed my brain, they knew exactly that they were, their prescence is in me even when they are gone. Those filthy swine knew this would happen. They want me to bend over to their will. I wish I had brought a gun to school and made a school shooting when I had the chance. I would have saved the rest of the world from their mind dissolving tactics. I didn't even punch them or anything. I only punched others in anger. They made me a monster.
Make it stop. Make the flashbacks stop. How do I make it stop?

I wish somebody would hold me for just a minute - maybe it'd be less scary if I wasn't alone.

I sometimes feel like that. I feel like someone is watching me while I sleep. I get nightmares of someone breaking in the home and doing things terrible to me. Sometimes I have dreams of a family members trying to poison me. I don't know why.

Unless I am much mistaken, this is what drugs (medicine) are for when it is as severe and intense as you describe.

I do feel paranoid like this some of the time, but I just ignore it and then forget it. For me, the thoughts of actions of harm to others or myself never have intent-- they are just images and harmless because of it.

You're not a monster. It sounds like PTSD symptoms.

Is there any way you could talk with a therapist/counselor?

Sending you a hug right now...hope it helps.

I've been hesitant to describe it as that. That sounds a bit like I'd be comparing myself myself to soldiers suffering from shell shock and that would be terribly insensitive.

[quote/]Sending you a hug right now...hope it helps. [/quote]
It does.

It does. [/quote]

Anyone who has experienced extreme trauma can develop PTSD. It doesn't just have to be on the battlefield. It's very common among survivors of abuse.

(((Hug))) again. Take care, please look into getting some help for this.