Why is it wrong to have friends?

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Do you ever feel like its socially unacceptable to have friends, or that having them just causes you trouble? I just had one of my closest friends delete me on facebook. This is what she wrote to me:

Because I have had enough. The last straw was when you showed up at my apartment without any notice late at night and stayed for a long time. And then when you kept asking me again and again for that information. I have been so sick to the point of almost dying. I just don't like being stalked and smothered. You need to stop posting on other people's walls that I deleted you because it's immature and just plain stupid.

I think it's stupid that she got mad over FACEBOOK. It's not wrong to have friends, but you have to find the right people..sorry about your friend. Maybe you can talk it over one day, and you will both forget about it.

For a long time, one of my definitions of 'friend' was, "Somebody whom you could visit any time, for any reason, and they'd never get tired of you being around." As I grew older, I found this was less and less always the case, for me AND them.

Fact is, certain friends have certain rules. They won't think to tell you these rules because they don't think of them as rules, but simply as common sense (a phrase which often times enrages me, since it's not always sense and it's rarely common). Overstaying your welcome is one of those rules. As much as I like a person, or they like me, enough is, eventually, enough. I know that it's hard for us to know how long is too long is, or to read the subtle hints people give that it's time for us to go. Like they say in show business, "Always leave them wanting more."

I'm sorry this situation happened to you. If you'd like her to be your friend again, I'd suggest giving her some time; say, 2 weeks. Then leave a message saying something like, "I know I can be clingy sometimes and I don't always get the hint to go home. I promise to be more considerate from now on, if you promise to tell me when you're ready for me to say goodnight."

I was raised by a 1950's mom who instilled some very basic social rules into me at a very early age. There were a lot more specifically voiced social rules when I was growing up, and they made life much easier to navigate: never call or visit after 9 pm, especially during the work week, since many people are winding down for bed by then; never visit anyone, even family, without calling ahead to make sure the timing is appropriate; never stay longer than one hour if visiting someone in their home (I usually do good to manage 30 minutes, so this one's not an issue;) never invite oneself along on other people's outings (it's okay to ask if one can go if the person is known very well, but otherwise assume that if one was wanted, one would have been specifically invited.)

Some of these rules have changed over the years. My daughter insists that it's now okay to call after 9 pm and that people are now expected to invite themselves along on outings if they want to go, but the others seem to still be good rules of thumb. After all, how do I know the person is even going to be at home if I don't call ahead to let them know I'm coming? Also, I like some warning before visits, so I try to treat others with the same courtesy. As for not over-staying, I usually find that I've said all I have to say within an hour, anyway. If the person then invites me to stay longer for some other reason, then I can decide if I wish to do so. That way, I'm not imposing on time they would prefer to spend otherwise and neither of us gets tired of the other.

As for your friend's waiting until Facebook to drop you, I really do not understand the current preference for airing grievances as publicly as possible rather than dealing with them in private, then complaining if the other party does likewise. It's a bit cowardly, like taking a date to a fancy restaurant to dump them where they won't make an emotional scene. I think you're better off without this "friend."

It's not wrong to have friends. But part of friendship is that you need to respect eachother's boundaries. Meaning, showing up late at night w/o notice is bad.

It still is socially acceptable to have friends, but it's not acceptable to cross boundaries.

If you do manage to make up, next time be careful to ring beforehand and ask can you come over to her house. Also, don't overstay your welcome (impose your own time limit if you're not sure of hers; say an hour max).

As for posting on people's walls highlighting that she deleted you... well, to be honest, the only person who looks bad there is you unfortunately. It does look immature that you are 'telling tales' on her (even if that's not the case), and also may make people wonder why she deleted you in the first place. Better to not draw attention to it and not let it get to you.

It was around 9 pm when I stopped to visit. It was on a Sunday evening in mid June I think.

I don't get why she said that I was stalking and smothering her because, as fas as I understand, I wasn't.

It seems some people don't understand how we feel sometimes.
I am sorry about what your friend did.
I hope you feel well in short time and I am certain people here will be of great help.
A good day to you. *Hug*

We met in real life at work and became friends there. Then I added her on myspace first and facebook second. She has not deleted me on myspace and I did noticed that she has logged into her myspace account today. She deleted me from facebook on Thursday.

For a short time around this time last summer, she was dating a guy missing his corpus colosum. I wonder if she has similar issues with him that she did with me. She was not my girlfriend and I was in no way interested in such a relationship. I was not physically attracted to her.

In March 2009 she became employed at a call center that hired me in May 2009. I worked there until late October to go to another season job that paid more. Shortly after she got hired at another call center that pays better that I've tried to get a job at too. She's been trying to convince me to work there too. My mother has also suggested me trying again to get hired there. My friend was to send me a link to an application for this job, that might make easier to get hired, since she would be in a sense be referring me. My friend had been out of work sick for a while and was returning to work thursday. I ask her that day if she would be able to send me that link, and thats why she deleted me.