Is my mother ashamed of me?

Post Reply New Topic

I feel that my mother wishes I was born an NT. Everytime I have a meltdown, she yells at me as if I'm doing something wrong as if crying is a serious offense. The only times that she acts loving is when I'm doped up on Adderall for ADHD and Celexa for depression. She had me put on Ritalin when I was three years old to get me talking faster. I switched to my current pill combo when I was 16. I want to be able to live without my pills but I feel like mother won't love me without them. I know I'll need the Adderall because my attention span is really small. I'll never succeed in the work force without them. I want to at least drop the anti-depressants but I melt down without them. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't talk to my mother about how I feel anymore because she yells at me saying that I'm "being ridiculous."

She probably wished for a small version of herself and was disappointed when I came out. When she was young, she was in the top 10 percent of her class, got lead parts in musicals, and had more boyfriends than she can remember. I'm not like her, I will never BE like her. I'm not pretty and successful like her and I wish she could just accept my Aspie behavior as who I am.

I know how you feel, sounds exactly the same with my parents They said it's ok I'm AS, but what they act is like saying "it's not ok!" "we don't accept it."

Blah parents suck, my mom spent over $4000 over 4 years trying to fix my head with psychologists. I would have been much happier if she just gave me the damn money rather than forced me to waste her money to talk about my feelings which I already tell all my friends anyways.

If your were a carbon copy of her she would hate you more because you would then be the center of attention. A loving parent is understanding and nurturing. Berating you is in no way helping you cope with life. Stay strong and hopefully you can move out on your own and be happier.

Yeah, my father was similar. If your parents aren't going to accept you for who you are, then eventually you just have to quit caring what they think and live life for yourself. Let her be miserable, you do what makes you happy.

I am sorry to hear that your mother needs to attack you to increase her own self esteem. It is a coping mechanism, but not a healthy one if she wants to keep a relationship with you. I believe in avoiding people who constantly try to bring me down, and I think your mother is one of those for you. She probably thinks being mean to you helps mold your behavior. That only works on little kids, and you are grown now.

You are very pretty, and whoever tells you different needs to get bit by a dog.

Maybe. But that's her insecurity isn't it? She put you on Ritalin when you were 3 for God's sake. That is not normal for a parent to do as all toddlers have short attention spans.

You are 20. You are your own person. Going off the medications your on can cause emotional instability, but usually it's transient as your body re-adjusts.

It is not advisable that you quit them cold turkey. If you want to go off them, talk to your psychiatrist about going off them so it can be done slowly.

My parents used to try to "fix" my perfectly normal AS behavior with medication and they were really just making things worse as the medication disagreed with me. When I was 15 I said enough, stopped taking them, and proved this to them.

This will sound horribly arrogant, but my family learned the hard way that...
1. I'm generally smarter than they are.
2. I'm usually right.

A word of warning. Now that they realize this I find that they typically thrust me into a position of leadership in situations I'd really rather not deal with.

Suddenly, I had to be the one to call the landlord because no one else could understand exactly what was wrong with the sink. I had to talk to the mechanic because no on else understood what he was talking about. I had to reassure my sister that she wasn't going to die from eating peanut butter that had been left out all night (you don't even have to refrigerate peanut butter!).

Thank God they know my limitations though and don't expect me to make sure the taxes are done properly!

At your age, even if your Mom once hoped for a replica of herself, she's long since seen that isn't going to happen.

You're old enough to have been surviving on your own for a couple of years now, so the fact that you're not on the street says she cares for your welfare. What she's trying to get across to you is that the workplace and the world in general are not tolerant of meltdowns and excuses, and if you're going to survive, you'd better learn some coping mechanisms and learn to put on the ol' NT mask. Its not pleasant but its the way things are. Your Autism is unacceptable to the rest of the world and will get you bullied, abused and fired over and over again - they call it a disorder because they don't allow people to be like us.

Drugs or no drugs whining and complaining about not being accepted for who you are will get you nowhere. The neurotypical world doesn't care. Play the game their way, or you'll be living off your family forever. Your Mom's just trying to teach you survival skills - I know that because she can't think like you, a lot of her advice is not very helpful, but she means well.

This world is never going to 'just let you be who you are'. That's the price we pay for the opportunity to view this world through an alternative lens. Just 'being ourselves' is a luxury we are very rarely afforded. You've got to be tougher than that.

My mum's the same way. She wants me to live for today, in the present, and she secretly wants me to dress, like my same sex, female peers. I'm pretty sure that she's embarrassed, that I still haven't had sex, at the age of 35, and I know what she thinks, when she looks at me. That I'm exactly like my favourite member of my favourite band, in every way. She even said it to my face, 12 years ago, when I was first diagnosed with and given pills, for Depression. I'm glad, that I look and act like Mick Avory, and not like "The Slut Muffin Next Door", and that's the way that it's going to stay, too. My sister can have enough sex, for the two of us, for all I care, which would be good, because I wouldn't have to have any.

sorry to hear that. A parent should not be like that

you're in you're 20s (I think from what I read) so this is YOUR time not hers. Trying to live up to other's expectations is the worse way to go around.

You're you. If she doesn't like it then that's her problem. Rather than trying to be like her, be yourself and do things that would make you proud. Its your life not hers. Live it

Thanks guys for the support. I haven't checked in on this thread in a while so I figured I'd update a bit.

A few days ago my mother asked me how I was, I said "depressed." That's all I said, no elaboration. She then rolls her eyes and says, "Megan I'm getting really tired of this. I'm not in the mood for your s**t."

To which I reply, "I'm sorry that I'm such an inconvenience" and went to my room. I don't know what to do. This happens a lot. Any time when I ask to talk to her about something, she agrees and as soon as it sounds negative or sad, she freaks out on me saying that she doesn't have time for my bitching. She b*****s to me about her job every day and I listen. Why can't she do the same for me?

Hi Erisad,
Do you think it would help you to move away from her?
My relationship with my mother was very difficult, she kept invading my space and would disregard my feelings and wishes. I think she was and still is very immature and having a daughter to her was like playing dolls.
Moving to another town helped, but it became even better when I moved to another country. Have you thought about that?