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unitedprayr
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19 Jul 2010, 1:03 pm

I had a meltdown which resulted in very hurtful and hateful words coming out of my mouth. Now my close friend tells me she can not trust me. I am so hurt by that just because I had a meltdown. Well to add into it, she lost her best friend to cancer and now tell ms that I can not support her. I love her so much she is my close friend and it hurts me so much I really want to be here for her but she will not let me. What can I do guys please support me please and help me here?



Xenu
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19 Jul 2010, 1:57 pm

Well why don't you wait a few days and give her some time to calm down and then go talk to her and apologize to her to see if that will help.



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19 Jul 2010, 4:42 pm

The term MELTDOWN is not an excuse for being a jerk. If you feel an emotional breakdown coming on, you can go somewhere and do it alone, punch a bop bag, or cry into your pillow, but if you say ugly things to people close to you, or hit somebody, you'd better by god be prepared to suffer the consequences, because the real world does not tolerate that kind of behavior from anybody, and Autism is no free pass.

If this friend ever speaks to you again, consider yourself extremely lucky and don't let it happen anymore. An apology is certainly in order, but apologies are only words. What you do is who you really are.



buryuntime
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19 Jul 2010, 6:24 pm

Willard wrote:
The term MELTDOWN is not an excuse for being a jerk. If you feel an emotional breakdown coming on, you can go somewhere and do it alone, punch a bop bag, or cry into your pillow, but if you say ugly things to people close to you, or hit somebody, you'd better by god be prepared to suffer the consequences, because the real world does not tolerate that kind of behavior from anybody, and Autism is no free pass.

If this friend ever speaks to you again, consider yourself extremely lucky and don't let it happen anymore. An apology is certainly in order, but apologies are only words. What you do is who you really are.

What? Not everyone can feel this coming on, or help themselves verbally lashing out, or pull themselves from the situation at all times.

A jerk just chooses to be one. But I agree, not everyone is going to be understanding. Most people don't have meltdowns.



Kat15
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19 Jul 2010, 6:56 pm

I have meltdown's over the smallest things all the time.



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19 Jul 2010, 7:20 pm

I hope you two make up & things work out okay

i can relate on the cancer thing though. My GF just found out she had a possibly cancerous brain tumor a couple days ago...


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19 Jul 2010, 8:24 pm

I'm sorry that the incident happened, and I hope that things do work out, for you and your friend, in the future.


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leejosepho
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19 Jul 2010, 8:40 pm

Willard wrote:
The term MELTDOWN is not an excuse for being a jerk. If you feel an emotional breakdown coming on, you can go somewhere and do it alone, punch a bop bag, or cry into your pillow, but if you say ugly things to people close to you, or hit somebody, you'd better by god be prepared to suffer the consequences, because the real world does not tolerate that kind of behavior from anybody, and Autism is no free pass.

If this friend ever speaks to you again, consider yourself extremely lucky and don't let it happen anymore. An apology is certainly in order, but apologies are only words. What you do is who you really are.



Difficult words to swallow, but true ones. I have had "breakdown outbursts" in the past that have left irreparable damage, and the accountability for that damage can only be mine. I used to blame my wife for triggering some of my episodes, but then they often still happened even after she had backed off or backed away and my anger over knowing I would then not be able to blame her for driving me into this next one took over and drove me on anyway.

Emotional outbursts happen to satisfy inherent emotional needs and desires, and there *are* things we can do to prepare ahead of time for handling ourselves more appropriately even during times of "meltdown", breakdown and outright collapse.


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unitedprayr
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19 Jul 2010, 11:10 pm

You say there are things I can do can you give me examples? I am bursting at everyone lately because I am so stressed out and not doing well at all. It sucks so bad. That was not very kind what some of you said but I communicate very poorly to try and explain.



leejosepho
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20 Jul 2010, 7:59 am

unitedprayr wrote:
I had a meltdown which resulted in very hurtful and hateful words coming out of my mouth.


leejosepho wrote:
Emotional outbursts happen to satisfy inherent emotional needs and desires, and there *are* things we can do to prepare ahead of time for handling ourselves more appropriately even during times of "meltdown", breakdown and outright collapse.


unitedprayr wrote:
You say there are things I can do can you give me examples? I am bursting at everyone lately because I am so stressed out and not doing well at all. It sucks so bad. That was not very kind what some of you said but I communicate very poorly to try and explain.


You might begin by looking at your thought of some things said here being unkind. Initially, I had read your first post and had just moved along because I suspected my response would have been seen that way, even by many, but then I could not do that again after Willard has said what he did, and so very well. So, and right here amongst friendly people who are definitely not adversaries, might we all talk about that? Nothing unkind had been said ... and if you can come to see that, you might begin to be able to see someone such as the friend you recently offended a little differently next time and be able to get through a meltdown without causing harm.


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