On July 3rd, my father was arrested for a DUI and driving a car with illegal tags. Yada yada... long story. Now, I am here taking care of my mum who is bedridden (lupus and rheumatoid arthritis). Lately, she and I have been fighting like cats and dogs. It's like everything I say upsets her somehow and I'm really doing my best to not upset her, but I'm not sure what I am doing wrong. Mum and I are super close usually.
Here are some quick examples.
This past week, she wanted to redecorate the entire house and move furniture around. Since she is bedridden, that means that I have to do all of the work. That's fine though if it will make her happy. This morning, I met her in the dining room and began to get back to work. She started talking about my uncles and aunts and complaining about so and so and who did what and why and how. She's been complaining for days on end about this, so I said, "Can we talk about something a little less stressful? All of this negative talk is depressing me." She said, "You always shut me up whenever I want to talk about something, but you'll talk on and on about whatever is on your mind." This is not true. I've been making a ton of effort to listen to her and let her vent and such. Either way, that sent her off into a tizzy... which to her is giving me the silent treatment... and she wheeled herself back into her bedroom and has been crying like a baby for the past few hours. I tried to go hold her and make her feel better and tell her that what I said wasn't meant to upset her, but she refuses to talk to me.
What the... ? What did I do?
Also, she gets mad if I don't want to chill in her room. Sorry, but taking care of a bedridden woman who can barely feed herself and all of her doctor/medical stuff and talking with her case worker and dealing with a furious landlord and bill collectors... on top of being really sick right now myself... it's all too much. If I get some quiet time in my day, dag nabbit, I want to take it. I don't want to sit in her room and listen to her complain about so and so in the family. I do make sure I give her time each day, but it's not my job to entertain her. I want to go up to my own part of the house, smoke a bowl and watch Trauma ER (medical shows are one of my current obsessions).
She also got furious with me two days ago over something I said. Someone in the family called and asked for the title for dad's car. I didn't tell mum about it. She got really furious that I didn't tell her who called and when and what they said. I said, "If it is for you or concerns you, then I'll let you know. Why would you need to know otherwise?" and Mum said, "Because I want to know," and I said "Well, I'm not your secretary." I do think that was kinda rude of me, so I apologised for that already, but still.
It's like we're constantly agitated at each other. I don't know if I'm in the wrong or in the right or if it doesn't even really matter. /rant
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21 Jul 2010, 12:26 pm
She and I talked earlier and I told her that I need her to be very direct with me. She's a metaphorical speaker, and while I generally do good with metaphorical things, I can't handle metaphorical statements when she is asking for something. I told her I need her to be literal and straight out say what is on her mind or what she needs and that I am not a mind reader. She said, "Isn't that what I've been doing?" I said, "No."
