I'm always wrong!! !

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Besides arguments leading to threats to get kicked out of the house. I say something wrong and get told while out shopping with family "If I'm going to be like that maybe I should of stayed home" OR I decide to cook dinner at 8 or 9 (NOT the normal 5:30/6PM) like my family. "If you are going to start doing that and not be a part of the family you need to find another place to live." DAMN IT! I'm never PART of the family to begin with!! !! I take my plate into my room!! !! !! (Mainly IMO I got sick of hearing "you eat too fast slow down! "If you are going to eat that fast then go eat in your room!" IMO I thought to myself FINE I WILL! (HINT why I've ate in my room for years!) SHEESH! (my exceptions are gatherings/holidays otherwise even Bday parties me by myself in my room. Sorry for venting I just feel bad sometimes I'm always saying/doing the wrong thing.

I get told off for apparently doing the wrong thing all the time, I hate it because, like you, I don't even realise I'm doing anything wrong. Annoys me to no end.

if they say what I do is wrong, I usually end up doing it constantly just to piss them off. There is nothing wrong with any of the things you got told are wrong, personally if I were in your shoes, id make it a point to get a steady income flow and just move the f**k out. They are NTs, they will never understand the desire to just eat instead of barely picking at the food and talking instead. But yeah, there is nothing wrong with you, so stop putting up with their BS and speak for your self.

I know exactly how you feel. There's nothing you can really do except get that steady income, and get out on your own. It is freaky as hell at first, but well worth it. Of course, if they had MADE you a PART of the family instead of chastising and belittling you at every turn then they might not have this problem. I agree with you on the food thing as well. Why just pick at it and talk instead of do what you are there for? Hopefully things will work out for you.

It seems to me that your family will nit pick at everything you do. It's not fair on you. If I was in that situation I would try and stay out of trouble by honoring them or asking them what is the right way to do things.
Pissing them off more would just lead to getting yelled at more.
How often do you get out of the house? It might be a good idea to go for a long walk somewhere. Get away from all that criticism.

I'm sorry you are having so much frustration with your family.

You are NOT wrong. What you are describing is a difference in preference. The other people in your family may agree amongst themselves on a good time for dinner and a good pace for eating but simply because they agree does not make that the RIGHT choice. It is only right for them. What works for you is the right choice for yourself.

Obviously this doesn't answer the problem of being in conflict with your family. Getting along can be beneficial. Is it possible to discuss these issues one to one, pointing out to your parents that, like it or not, you are wired differently and you are more comfortable eating at different times? If you make a sincere effort to meet them half way, will they do the same?

Sometimes a great deal of tension and anger can be dissipated by simply having a serious, but calm talk.

One thing to understand about parents; they tend to feel a great deal of responsibility for their child's well being, but at times feel utterly powerless to help. Often the reaction is to nag or yell or belittle in the hope that somehow this will get the child moving in the “right” direction. They can want your life to be better and may really be trying to help, but don't have the understanding of the situation to navigate the mine field of an Aspie's personality. If they don't know much about Aspergers and especially if they are all extroverts, when faced with your inexplicable behavior, the only answer that they may be able to come up with is “if you only behaved normally, then everything would be alright.”

You and I know demanding that you be a different person isn't going to work. It may be helpful to collect some information that clearly and simply describes common Aspie behavior and show it to your family. Try to make a sincerely polite attempt to communicate with them. They very well may reject this argument, saying you are making excuses or that you don't know what you are talking about. Sometimes you need to present the information in small doses or over and over until they begin to understand. It needs to be done calmly and patiently. They probably will not accept it immediately, but if you remind them perhaps once a week, over time they may come around to having a better understanding of you.

And don't forget, it's a two way street. Try to understand how they see things. You don't have to be the same as them, but it is helpful to at least try to understand and accept that they need to make the choices that work for them just as much as you need to make the choices that work for you.

Good luck,

Lars

Time to move out.

seriously move out. be your own man. i remember the first thing i did when i moved out on my own was eat ice cream for dinner, why? because i could.

I think that you should move out and forget about your parents. I hope that things get better, when you do.

i've gotten this all the time throughout my life...

i have mentioned in other threads that it is VERY hard for me to know when it is OK to say something in a group conversation. i have been accused of "interrupting" so many damned times that just the word "interrupting" makes me want to throw up or rage or whatever.

growing up, it seemed like my parents or others were always correcting me about some (to me) trivial little detail of social interaction that i was getting wrong. to the point where i would get really uptight with worry about committing some faux pas and getting scolded for it...and then i would get scolded or made fun of for being too uptight and acting like i had a stick up my butt or whatever...i just couldn't win for trying!

it happens in my marriage relationship too...i do something that i think is being nice and helpful like washing dishes or putting away clean clothes, only i end up doing some part of it "wrong" according to my spouse, which then makes me feel like why did i bother in the first place....and the next time i am inclined to do that particular chore, i worry whether i am doing it "the right way" or if i will get scolded for doing it "wrong" again.

Blimey! This thread is 7 months old. I didn't realize that, when I posted. Sorry Zelda.

LOL! You are fine. Yes this post is 7 months old LOL! Which is why I found it strange to see a new reply in it. Great replies though.