There's nothing left.

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I can't be myself to anyone, only myself. When there's other people there's nothing but an empty shell. I'm trapped in this and there's no way out. No one knows who I am. No one can ever love me.

Everything is dull. Black. My heads has been messing itself up over the last year I can honestly say there's nothing left. And no one seems to understand anything.

I have to do it tonight. Hopefully I won't again fail. I'm sorry. To live your life as no one is the same as not living at all. The only differnce is all the pain it brings. There so many problems in my life it has became nothing but a pile of ash. You could nether see anything close to what's in my mind.

There's one thing that can stop me killing myself. I'm afraid that thing can never exist.

I really hope you don't do this. I know where you're coming from but I hope you don't anyway. I would've done it already if I had no kids but I hope you don't anyway.

I don't know what else to say. I know I sound like the world's biggest hypocrite, but listen to me anyway. Maybe my misery wants company...or maybe I like to think there's hope for other people. Or maybe it's just that August 25 is my birthday and that's bad enough as it is.

~Kate

Please don't leave us yet. Perhaps the thing you need is something that only you can create. Please don't leave us yet!

Please don't do this.

The thing that "cannot exist", I am sure you'll find it one day.

Give it time. You still have time. Time to think, and figure out what's best to do as time goes on. Things will get better.

You may not believe this, but there is something or someone or whatever out there that cares. I know it may seem hopeless, and it may seem like it's never going to get better but I promise that it will. You can PM me and explain whatever is going on and I will listen...and you can hold me to that promise.

My best friend took his life 9 years ago because he felt the same way as you. And it devastated me at the time and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss him and wonder why he couldn't hang on just one more day. Just one more day and maybe things might have been tolerable. He didn't think anyone could help him and didn't understand how much I cared. And there isn't a day that I don't feel somewhat guilty that I didn't see the signs or hear the cry for help. Someone in your life will be grieving for you for the rest of their life. It may not seem so, but I promise that it is true. Someone. And maybe tomorrow you will find that someone or something that you feel is missing. You never know what tomorrow will bring.

I've been where you are and it is only because my friend took his life that has kept me from taking mine...it will get better and maybe the key is to find something in yourself that makes life bearable.

Please don't do this...there are people that care and people that want to help...maybe just try to get through today. Don't worry about tomorrow or next week or next month. Just today.

There are some who do care. Just look at the responses to your post. We care because we took the time to respond. I know what it feels like when everything seems so hopeless. Many of us have been there too, but we have managed to pull through. You can't know what the future will hold for you. You might be pleasantly surprised some day.
For now, just follow the advice of Spyral and focus on getting by one day at a time - just today. If you have specific problems, then try posting them here and perhaps one of us can help. Please remember that you are NOT alone!

I tried killing myself when I was 20, thinking I was slowly going mad and that I would ultimately develop schizophrenia, as my mother before me.

It didn't happen.

i also thought there were some things, other than my mind, that I would lose forever. I did lose them, but in hindsight, they weren't as important as I had thought.

I would really not recommend an attempt at suicide. I still have the scars from mine, and I suspect the hypoxia to cause lasting damage - nonetheless, it made no difference to my circumstances, other than giving me something to hide until some hair managed to grow on my arm. I also learned, over time, to correct the things that led to my poor state of mind: things like my home environment and peer group at university.

What exactly drove you to your decision? Though I'm sure you thought through your circumstances thoroughly, people here might be able to suggest alternatives you haven't yet considered.

I really hope that you reconsider, because I care about you, and I would feel sad, if you passed away.

I kinda know how it is. In fact, I have been feeling that I wish to die.

However, I just can't bring myself to do it, and moreover, I don't want to be seen as a coward after I'm gone.

So, I begin just hating everything. Not just humans. All forms of biological life are anathema to me when I get in most dark of that mood, of wishing to die. I wish I could not just kill myself, but all forms of biological life, not just humans; trees, wildlife, even microscopic bacteria and viruses, with a simple application of nanotechnology - to replace it all with cold, clean, precise machinery, guided by an artilect of supreme power - based on my darkest part of my soul. Although that is also perhaps a slight megalomania of mine, it ultimately stems from my wishing to die as I am now. However, by some Divine Providence, just as I go to, say, "play in the traffic", or do any form of suicidal act, I just seem to be unable to carry it out. I don't know what it is, but I take it as that I have a destiny that, though obscure to me now, may very well benefit me, or at least others that I will love.

Believe what you will, but it is my belief that perhaps, if you can get through this, you will only be a stronger person. I'm not suggesting taking up any kind of particular religious affiliation, and it is not my intent to try and tell you to convert to similar beliefs to mine or anything like that as I do not believe in proselytising, but I have found adopting a form of spirituality (in my case, you would categorise me as New Age, although my exact personal beliefs include a loving form of Divine Benevolence - call him/her "God", if a Christian analogue makes you comfortable - and the aim to live as good and honourable a life as possible) to be a good way to find hope in an otherwise hopeless existence.

I'm not suggesting any particular path (although as I said I am, or at least endeavour to be, a deeply spiritual person, not necessarily of the Judaeo-Christian sense but something closer to a New Age type path - although I don't strictly consider myself of that religious ideology either), what may work for me may not work for others. Perhaps studying a path of spirituality that appeals to you, provided it is somehow based on a Divine Light of some sort, something that gives you peace. It doesn't have to be a New Age type path like that I take; it can even be something like Christianity or Buddhism, so long as it does no-one harm, and that includes yourself. What I will say is that I am very reserved about beliefs that are proselytising (as that keys into my disbelief in such) but if such is what helps you and it does no-one or yourself any harm, go for it.

But, if I can't offer you any kind of consolation, I can admonish you with this, this line that I admonish myself with:

"No matter how bad my circumstances are, there is always someone worse off than me."

Bear that in mind if you can, and if you choose life again, your recovery may actually make me, but more importantly, the people here on this forum at least, happier.

I have been there. I have seen it in others. I had a student who killed himself - and tried to kill his ex girlfriend - becaise there was nothing left.

Been there. I KNOW the feeling. It is a lie. YES - there is a whole lot of dreck on the road and it is long and weaery - but there are - THERE ARE - oases where there is shade and water and you find someone who DOES speak your language.

I did NOT remove myself when the world ended ONLY because I had just that day told my friend she should not do things swithout being TOTALLY certain. And I listened to what I told her - and after a while the world was not empty and there were oases and I met people who think and talk like me.

I can only urge you, hold on, it is NOT infinitely unbearable. Just really hard in places.

and I really hate to break it to you but more than likely killing yourself doesn't really end the problem. You will probably go to another reality and have to start all over again or figure out or see the consequences that results afterwards. We have to keep going even if this s**t doesn't make sense because we must always remember that someone else is suffering worse than we are. No matter how dark you think that you are, there are others who have a bigger burden than yourself and the sad fact is that we really don't have the right to take our own life. And from what I learned, you can't take your life. It begins again somewhere else. All indications to me seems to be that we are infinite and since we are, it is impossible to do away with any problem we have, you just have to keep overcoming it for whatever reason.