I Need Moral Help; Depressed and Suicidal

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I don't want to hear "Don't do it" or any of the like. I NEVER WOULD! I put the word suicidal in there because I DO feel hopeless. Not only do I feel hopeless, but I've BETRAYED my own morals.

In December 2009 I met a beautiful and kind young lady who has Asperger's; so do I. I didn't know how to introduce myself, so when I first met her I was sitting on a bench near where she was 'cause her and I went to the same place pretty much the same days of the week. I forget how exactly we got introduced by I noticed she was a bit quirky. And I liked that. We talked and she had to go an hour later and we said bye. A few weeks later she invited me over to her house one night, asking if I wanted to come over. I said yes.

The first night I went to her house, her dad drove us there. She lives with her dad. I met her lovely rats; Spaz and Xavier. We went into her room. I looked around and opened my cellphone to check the time. The power went out. I closed it and the power went on. "Did you do that?!" I said no. I opened my cellphone again and lo and behold, the power goes out again. So we sat in the dark in her livingroom with her rats on the couch. Her dad drove to the bowling alley down the street to see what his friends were up to. The power came on a half an hour to an hour later and we watched half of a movie. Her dad came back home and I left with him and he drove me home. I stil;l have vivid memories of that night.

Over the next five months, Laurel and I would develop a friendship that, to me, became an obsession. I remember the many movies we watched; perhaps not all but many! I walked the two mile there and back trip to her house almost everyday (And she would be okay with it). I went with her to her mom's apartment a few times. The first time I met her mom was December 26th when we went to an electronica dance. Laurel and I and her mother went out for Chinese food once too; where I observed odd behavior from Laurel because she didn't want to see her mother currently.

I remember a story she told me about when she went to the capitol of the Dominican Republic and she was on a towel getting a tan and some guy cut a coconut on her beach chair and asked her if she wanted to buy it. We exchanged many small anecdotes like this. Everyone I remember only makes me more sad.

The time we spent together would gradually become less and less. We've been through a good amount together. Perhaps not necessarily event-wise but time wise. Over the course of our friendship we saw each other less and less and she'd make excuses as to why I can't come over (She's tired; busy etc.). The weekend of my high-school graduation I left her a voicemail saying I miss her and even though she hates voicemails, I just wanted to say that I wish we could spend more time together and that it's neither of our faults that we've been busy. She sent me a Facebook message the next morning saying that it's my "Right" to feel the way I do about her but it's not my "Right" to expect her to invest the same amount of energy as I do into her, into me and she will apportion her time to who she sees fit.

That was June 4th. She's now in a relationship with a friend she's known for a while but who lives across the country. She's known him longer than me. It's saddening to think that I was only a small little tick in the interim between half-a-year in her life.

I swore to myself I would have a relationship with only one person in life. After I met Laurel, my oath became "I'll wait for the rest of my life until I can be in a relationship with Laurel, if ever." I couldn't follow through on even that. I'm now in a relationship with a girl I know from Florida near where I'm moving to. But I'm not happy. I've violated my self-promise of monogany. I will always remember Laurel. I still hold out some hope that we may have a relationship in the future, although I'm not sure. I haven't seen her in months.

And I feel as if doing a disservice to this girl with whom I'm now in a relationship. I still love Laurel. I can't move on. I've violated my morals by superficially doing so. But I don't think I ever can, realistically. I've been depressed for months and life just gets more depressing by the day.

The more and more I think about your story, the more and more resemblance it has towards my current situation. I can't get over the first girl I liked and I still love her, but she lives really far away and has moved on and I have no way to contact her. I was obsessed over her, I remember it all, I feel I should've gotten her and I blame myself for not being able to stop her leave, but I also remember her through every person I've dated and feel like I'm not fully devoted to the person I'm dating as I think of her all the time. Maybe I'm so desperate for love because of the high she had me on.

I think you should tell your current girlfriend your story and I think she could either sympathise with you, know that you still have feelings for her and understand it or dump you. In either case, you feel less of a jerk, but if you get dumped, you won't have to worry about hurting your current girlfriend's feelings.

I am a certified professional life coach and therapist specializing in autism spectrum disorders. I think I can help you. If you are interested in talking to me call me.

Pam Angel
615-310-0426

Some of us tend to be all-or-nothing people who are also quite loyal, and we sometimes make the mistake of assuming other people will see that in us and either join on in or eventually come along. Hang on to your desires and you willingness to commit, but now put at least equal effort into avoiding all assumption during the days ahead.

My problem lee is that I feel unfaithful to laurel for "moving on" (I really haven't) and at the same time unfaithful to Crystal for still being in love with Laurel.

And to demonstrate the depth of my affection, I have a guinea pig/rat she made me out of clay on my birthday. And painted. And gave to me in a chinese take-out box. If I ever get to the White House, and even during my political career all the while, I'll have that little animal on my desk. I feel that that's also unfaithful to Crystal. But I can't let go of Laurel. There's only one Laurel who's HER!

make a list, a non personal list, about everything you liked about this girl.
feel free to include the physical just dont obsess over it.
Leave out how she made you feel, or how lost you feel without her.
just the points that made you interested in her in the first place.
romantic attraction turns into obsession when you can not identify the source of the attraction, and instead place the delusion on the person who is associated with it. to be blunt you might not be in love with this person at all, but some of her personality traits, or the way she makes you feel.
once you have made a list, compare the things that attracted you to this girl to your current girlfriend, notice the similarities between the two, the differences. be as honest with yourself as you can.

once you know what attracts you to a girl then you can make decisions on which girl you wish to be attracted to.

and dont forget that the girl you are attracted to has her own personality traits and flaws that make her a whole person.
just because she is easy to talk to, or has pretty hair, doesnt mean that she is going to like the same things, as your previous girlfriends or want to do the same things you do.

be open and honest with yourself and your relationships.
In my experience thats the only way to ever be truly happy with another person. you have to share yourself, and give the other a chance to share themselves...but first, you have to get to know eachother, and that starts with getting to know yourself.

:)

watch out for pamo, shes trying to make money off of autism

Think about the fun that you had, with that girl. Put her picture on your computer, for wallpaper.

I think the problem here is your rules. They haven't worked in real life, so rather than toss the rules out, you're beating yourself up because you couldn't reach some unattainable standard. You need to relax the rules.

There is absolutely no shame in not being with one person your entire life, if that's what life's thrown at you. If you feel you've let yourself down, then tell yourself not to be so silly and get over it (I don't mean to sound glib, just that once you get your head around the idea that you are the one controlling the same rules that are making you miserable, you'll be a lot happier).

Maybe you can alter the rule a bit and see if that helps? Say, fore example that you will remain faithful to whoever you're with, no matter how long the relationship lasts?

I would suggest ending your current relationship because you are still not over your ex, but I don't think that would actually help you; you would just be heartbroken afresh (you must like your new gf a bit if you are still with her) and would still be left pining after Laurel (and beating yourself up for having lost another girl too). Better to realise what you've learnt from your past relationship and focus on the positive aspects of your current one.

It may be very difficult to do, but try to forget the relationship with Laurel and move on. The more you think back to it, the more sadness you'll feel. Be realistic - you won't bring her back by just thinking about her. Don't let yourself live in the past.

I can't forget Laurel...