My husband looks at young girls 24/7 ! !!

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My husband (53 years old, AS and ADHD) is always looking blatantly at young, sexy girls in the age beween 15 and 25 years.
We are nearly 30years together now and he never stopped this behavior - no matter how I was hurt and cried. He told me he
is just a man and other men do the same. He also is obsessed with pornography - he even prefered pornography on the internet
instadt of having sex with me.
I am so hurted that I have moved out of our family home.

During the last weeks I was even afraid of going shopping with him - because of his constantly surching for "Barbies".
I am 53years old and I feel the older I get - the more he hurts me!

I am sorry for my mistakes - English is my second language.

Thanks for reading this - and hopefully answering!

I take the subway train into work to DC every day and I can't tell you how many times older MARRIED men stare at me. I'm 32 years old and still single. I'm half Korean. I can't stand it when married men stare at me. To me that's simply adultery. Married men should stare ONLY at their wives. Their wives should be a goddess! I really don't know why married men stare. It's annoying, rude and just simply wrong. So sorry your husband is doing this.

Have you told him how much this hurts you?

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Last edited by Willard on 01 Sep 2010, 11:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Hi Anna,

yes I told him 1000 times that I am hurt. But he just said I would be oversensitiv.

From time to time he made me really feel small - when another young girl was there.
Then he critisized me in front of that girl.

Thanks Willard - your reply is was I really needed!! !

Might I remind you that this is the HAVEN? The OP doesn't need misogyny right now.

Yes I expect she drove him to it with her NT ways. As we all know Aspies are perfect and cannot do wrong, unless driven to it by a bad NT. I am being sarcastic there. IMO aspies need to be more honest about our faults.

what should the wives of bad aspie men do instead of venting here, just leave them? That will only fill the forum up with more angry and lonely hooker/porn buying men to complain.

You need to just get over it, almost all men on the planet look at porn and pictures of good looking girls. It is their nature to do so.

Willard: Do you have a husband with AS?

Kati: I'm not married but based on most guys I know I think its partially just a lifelong guy thing to want to stare at multiple pairs of boobies. That doesn't mean its a good thing but I think its part of human nature. I'd talk to your husband about it (particularly due to the age of the females he's looking at... 15 is pedophilia in his case) and explain to him how to you really feel about it. My only other suggestions to get him to stop are silly thing like hitting him in the head with a newspaper for ogling and literally picking the kinds of porn you like and forcing him to watch it .

Why does this have anything to do with AS/ADHD? Plenty of NT men do the exact same thing - I don't see why it should be any different for someone with a different neurology. We sometimes have trouble picking up on things, but here you've explicitly told him that it bothers you so that's not an issue - having AS isn't an excuse for being a jerk.

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Last edited by Willard on 01 Sep 2010, 11:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Well, it could be that many of the NT men also look at the young women, but they're better at disguising it.

It's probably this. Expecting someone to not look at other people is a bit ridiculous, but I could understand why it'd upset the OP if someone was blatantly doing this all the time.

Pornography is another issue, however. But it just seems to me that you're complaining because your sex life isn't what it used to be (if it ever was anything.) If he has Asperger's Syndrome, he's probably going to be blunt and not understand why such things might bother you.

STOP IT! I am an AS *woman* who has been bashed nonstop for 25+ years by an NT husband and I don't think this has anything to do with AS but rather with hurt feelings over a behavior. It's a common behavior in both NT and AS men (my NT husband has done this many times, even told me he thought about other women while having sex with me...like what a turn on _NOT_) As far as looking at young girls, I think this is something that most men do and looking isn't illegal nor is looking at physically mature females truly pedophilia (although acting on it is certainly not legal if <18 ). However, I think it is cruel, AS or not, to rub it in to one's spouse that you're always looking at other people. It's a fact that people of both genders DO it, a fact that most people should get used to, but there's a difference between a look at a good looking guy or gal or a fun glance through a porn site and *always* doing it.

To me, the AS isn't really the issue here, but rather someone's feelings being hurt.

~Kate

My intention was not to "toss" anything at you, Willard. Just to point out that even if we feel that we must disagree with what the OP is saying, we can at least be gentle about, seeing it has been posted in The Haven, and not General discussion.

I don't understand why everything is supposed to be lovey-dovey here. I've always seen it just as a place to vent. Not everyone that's going to do it is deserving of sympathy. I think the description of the forum really needs reworked, I don't see an announcement/sticky thread that points to rules here. This just seems like some unspoken rule (until someone brings it up.)