Board index › Coping in life › The Haven

Seriously considering suicide a few minutes ago

Page 1 of 1 [ 13 posts ] 

Previous topic | Next topic

EaglesSayMeow
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 169
Location: Earth. Hong Kong or the US, probably.

03 Sep 2010, 11:46 pm

Two minutes ago, I was pretty seriously considering killing myself. The only reason I didn't was because I had no idea how one would go about doing such a thing.

This probably sounds like a stupid reason, but my parents changed the rules for computer usage.

To avoid having to type this all again, I'll just paste what I just sent to a friend. He wasn't online, so I just wrote. It helped calm me down. But I need to talk to someone and get a response.

Background: I'm in my early teens, just started High School. I'm in Hong Kong. I don't have a dx, I'm going to start the process next year. Circumstances prevent me from trying 'till I get back to the us.

My posts to my friend:

Quote:
You on?
[12:19:57 AM] Mom+dad just made a rule that the comp must be in the living room at all times unless I'm on skype or it's Friday night.
[12:21:29 AM] Normally, this wouldn't be an issue, but it's for me and my brother so that means that now, for the rest of the year, I"m either not allowed on the computer or I'm going to be forced to spend five hours after school in a room with two other people. After spending all day at school
[12:21:52 AM] I tried staying off the computer once.
[12:22:28 AM] At the end of last year, there were some issues, which ended up with Bones (a tv show), Neopets, and WP being blocked for two weeks straight
[12:22:49 AM] I couldn't concentrate, the bus was worse than usual.
[12:23:17 AM] I started acting up, like I was ten again. Everything was all out of whack.
[12:23:39 AM] To put it simply, I CAN'T DO THAT AGAIN.
[12:24:04 AM] It'd cause so many problems, to do that for months on end.
[12:24:19 AM] Staying out in the living room is even worse. I need some time to myself
[12:25:08 AM] I act weird(er) at camp for a reason - I'm spending the whole day with other people
[12:25:14 AM] Well, except for sleeping
[12:25:33 AM] There were two empty beds in the room next to ours, so my roommate didn't usually sleep in my room
[12:25:41 AM] But, that is not the point
[12:26:15 AM] The point is, I"m going to be forced to stay out in the living room with other people all day every day for a year.
[12:26:23 AM] I can't do this
[12:26:40 AM] Normally, I wouldn't be dumping this all on you, but I didn't know who else to talk to
[12:27:55 AM] Mom+dad are the cause of all this, I'm not too close to any other family members, and my other friends aren't free. My closest HK friend isn't on skype ATM, and doesn't have FB.
[12:28:17 AM] And usually I'd talk to my best friend but she won't be free until at least the 9th
[12:28:36 AM] I can't keep this in for another five days
[12:28:42 AM] I need to talk to someone


I'm not considering suicide at the moment, but it should be noted that when I said
Quote:
[12:23:39 AM] To put it simply, I CAN'T DO THAT AGAIN.
, I meant because those two weeks ended with me crying in a bathtub (similar to the situation a few minutes ago), considering suicide, just because I was feeling so ... off.


_________________
The avatar is from Neopets.

Call me Trish, please.


EaglesSayMeow
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 169
Location: Earth. Hong Kong or the US, probably.

03 Sep 2010, 11:47 pm

And please don't tell me to talk to an adult. The only adult in the country that I feel comfortable talking to is my eighth grade English teacher.


_________________
The avatar is from Neopets.

Call me Trish, please.


Meow101
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Feb 2010
Age: 63
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,699
Location: USA

03 Sep 2010, 11:55 pm

First off, *don't* consider suicide an option. This *is* a temporary problem. You *will* turn 18 if you don't kill yourself, making this a self-limiting issue.

Secondly, did your parents give a reason for the change in rules? I have a 17 year old son and almost 13 year old daughter and there are only a few reasons I would do something like that...

Third, could you take breaks, like use the computer for a while and then go to your room to be alone for a while so you don't spend *all* your free time in a room with other people?

I don't know enough about the whole situation to say more, but whatever you do, don't harm yourself.

~Kate


_________________
Ce e amorul? E un lung
Prilej pentru durere,
Caci mii de lacrimi nu-i ajung
Si tot mai multe cere.
--Mihai Eminescu


EaglesSayMeow
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 169
Location: Earth. Hong Kong or the US, probably.

04 Sep 2010, 12:18 am

Meow101 wrote:
First off, *don't* consider suicide an option. This *is* a temporary problem. You *will* turn 18 if you don't kill yourself, making this a self-limiting issue.

Secondly, did your parents give a reason for the change in rules? I have a 17 year old son and almost 13 year old daughter and there are only a few reasons I would do something like that...

Third, could you take breaks, like use the computer for a while and then go to your room to be alone for a while so you don't spend *all* your free time in a room with other people?

I don't know enough about the whole situation to say more, but whatever you do, don't harm yourself.

~Kate


I tried asking my parents. They told me that this was not a discussion and not a punishment.

I don't even have to wait until I'm eighteen. I'm applying for boarding school next year. Mostly so I can get away from this all. Every time my dad comes home from a business trip, the rules change. I told him this, but he's not really listening.

I can try taking breaks, but there's nothing to do in my room. Seriously, the libraries around here are tiny. So, I'd kinda just sit in my bed doing nothing.


I guess I can just try and wait 'till the next business trip. Mom's more lenient on the rules, and Dad's away half the school year anyways.


_________________
The avatar is from Neopets.

Call me Trish, please.


conundrum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 May 2010
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,922
Location: third rock from one of many suns

04 Sep 2010, 12:24 am

EaglesSayMeow wrote:
I tried asking my parents. They told me that this was not a discussion and not a punishment.


:?: :!: :?: Well, from what you've said in earlier posts, this sounds like their (or your dad's) way of "forcing" you to "straighten up and fly right." :roll: This is NOT the right way, but...oh well.

EaglesSayMeow wrote:
I don't even have to wait until I'm eighteen. I'm applying for boarding school next year. Mostly so I can get away from this all. Every time my dad comes home from a business trip, the rules change. I told him this, but he's not really listening.


I hope you get in and that things are better there. I doubt they'll restrict computer usage.

EaglesSayMeow wrote:
I can try taking breaks, but there's nothing to do in my room. Seriously, the libraries around here are tiny. So, I'd kinda just sit in my bed doing nothing.


I guess I can just try and wait 'till the next business trip. Mom's more lenient on the rules, and Dad's away half the school year anyways.


That's probably the best thing you can do. Hang in there--Meow101 is right--suicide is NOT the answer to anything.

Things may seem bleak now, but they won't be that way forever. Eventually, you'll be on your own and making your own rules for yourself.

Take care.


_________________
The existence of the leader who is wise
is barely known to those he leads.
He acts without unnecessary speech,
so that the people say,
'It happened of its own accord.' -Tao Te Ching, Verse 17


EaglesSayMeow
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 169
Location: Earth. Hong Kong or the US, probably.

04 Sep 2010, 12:40 am

conundrum wrote:
EaglesSayMeow wrote:
I tried asking my parents. They told me that this was not a discussion and not a punishment.


:?: :!: :?: Well, from what you've said in earlier posts, this sounds like their (or your dad's) way of "forcing" you to "straighten up and fly right." :roll: This is NOT the right way, but...oh well.
I think my mom might have had something to do with this, for once. Dad and I are getting towards the right direction; he's stopped trying to teach me how to be popular.

Honestly, I've recently figured something out about my family - I'm pretty sure that this whole issue of parents trying to change their children goes further back than I'd thought. My dad puts a huge value on being popular, and my dad's mom apparently put a huge value on being wealthy/successful. One of her kids is successful. Dad's sister, though, is in her thirties, still being pressured to make more $. Even though they're doing decently.

conundrum wrote:
EaglesSayMeow wrote:
I don't even have to wait until I'm eighteen. I'm applying for boarding school next year. Mostly so I can get away from this all. Every time my dad comes home from a business trip, the rules change. I told him this, but he's not really listening.


I hope you get in and that things are better there. I doubt they'll restrict computer usage.
They did last spring. Which was a nightmare. Every single AS tendency I'd been doing so well on hiding started popping back out.
conundrum wrote:

EaglesSayMeow wrote:
I can try taking breaks, but there's nothing to do in my room. Seriously, the libraries around here are tiny. So, I'd kinda just sit in my bed doing nothing.


I guess I can just try and wait 'till the next business trip. Mom's more lenient on the rules, and Dad's away half the school year anyways.


That's probably the best thing you can do. Hang in there--Meow101 is right--suicide is NOT the answer to anything.

Things may seem bleak now, but they won't be that way forever. Eventually, you'll be on your own and making your own rules for yourself.

Take care.


Thanks. I'm trying to hang in there. But, if I go without anything special-interest related for too long, I start to have a lower tolerance for noises, etc. And my school bus is infamous for being the loudest, hardest to manage, out of the 28 buses my school uses. It's so bad that this year, we have one person driving the bus and two people managing the kids. Every other bus has 0-1 "bus mother"s, the ladies who manage us.


To top it off, tomorrow is swimming. That deserved a whole different topic, this one.


At least I can probably get out of swimming. If I feel like lying about when my period is.


_________________
The avatar is from Neopets.

Call me Trish, please.


jec6613
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 19 Aug 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 126

04 Sep 2010, 1:04 am

The reason you're doing it is because you're a young woman and the internet isn't the nicest place in the world. Remember this message?

DALNet IRC Welcome Message wrote:
Welcome to DALNet! Where the men are men, the women are men, and the teenage girls are undercover FBI Agents!

Well, probably not, because it's from around the time you were born, but it isn't any less true today. The internet isn't a nice place (just look around WP to see what I mean), and your parents don't understand it and so are attempting to control you and keep you safe the only way they know how. For NT children, this is an effective method with little downside.

They want to be able to monitor what you're doing and restrict it, and you want to be alone while going about your special interests. The technological solution I can think of is VNC, which would allow your parents to monitor what you're doing remotely, while you remain in your room. It's not ideal, but it'd work.



conundrum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 May 2010
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,922
Location: third rock from one of many suns

04 Sep 2010, 1:17 am

I just read about the swimming incident...ick. :eew: :ncool:

EaglesSayMeow wrote:
At least I can probably get out of swimming. If I feel like lying about when my period is.


I would do that. What that teacher did is NOT okay.

Regarding the rest--well, I'm not sure if understanding your family's motives makes things any easier now, but at least now you can see why they're acting the way they are. If they were just willing to talk with you like an adult, maybe some kind of understanding/compromise could be reached.

Why would a boarding school restrict computer access? That is NEEDED for homework! Were they blocking specific sites (I HATE it when that happens!)?

Sorry you have to deal with all that noise on the school bus--that would drive me completely insane. The city buses where I live are relatively peaceful at the times I need to take them--the loudest noise is the engine itself, which is bearable.

Take care, I hope things improve somehow.


_________________
The existence of the leader who is wise
is barely known to those he leads.
He acts without unnecessary speech,
so that the people say,
'It happened of its own accord.' -Tao Te Ching, Verse 17


EaglesSayMeow
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 169
Location: Earth. Hong Kong or the US, probably.

04 Sep 2010, 1:23 am

jec6613 wrote:
The reason you're doing it is because you're a young woman and the internet isn't the nicest place in the world. Remember this message?
DALNet IRC Welcome Message wrote:
Welcome to DALNet! Where the men are men, the women are men, and the teenage girls are undercover FBI Agents!

Well, probably not, because it's from around the time you were born, but it isn't any less true today. The internet isn't a nice place (just look around WP to see what I mean), and your parents don't understand it and so are attempting to control you and keep you safe the only way they know how. For NT children, this is an effective method with little downside.

They want to be able to monitor what you're doing and restrict it, and you want to be alone while going about your special interests. The technological solution I can think of is VNC, which would allow your parents to monitor what you're doing remotely, while you remain in your room. It's not ideal, but it'd work.


I'd think so too, except for two things:

First, they can't see what I'm doing from where I sit in the living room

Second, I've been allowed on the web without having someone hang over my shoulder since I was ten.

(Third, my NT brother is also being told to stay in the living room with his laptop. He's 12 and my parents can't see what he's doing. He tells them most of it anyways. I know because sometimes he goes on my laptop, and I encounter everything in the history. He plays some online games where he interacts with /nobody/, and once or twice he searches for pictures of beautiful women. Ah, the joys of puberty :roll:. But, he's not allowed to do that on my comp, so he doesn't give it viruses)


_________________
The avatar is from Neopets.

Call me Trish, please.


EaglesSayMeow
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 1 Nov 2009
Gender: Female
Posts: 169
Location: Earth. Hong Kong or the US, probably.

04 Sep 2010, 1:27 am

conundrum wrote:
Why would a boarding school restrict computer access? That is NEEDED for homework! Were they blocking specific sites (I HATE it when that happens!)?


Not at boarding school yet That's why I'm hoping to get into boarding school; it has to be better than arbitrary rules like these. My current, HK, day school restricts sites, but it seems to be very arbitrary - Neopets is blocked, but not gaia.


_________________
The avatar is from Neopets.

Call me Trish, please.


kraken
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 10 May 2008
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 180

04 Sep 2010, 1:51 am

You could always try writing out your concerns and presenting them to your parents, along with proposed compromises that would meet both your needs and theirs.



Synecdoche
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 3 Sep 2010
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 261

04 Sep 2010, 4:47 am

Don't.

I've actually been through the same thing. I've seriously thought about suicide because of my inability to adapt in social situations and people judging me as a result. And that one specific time, I got really hurt as a result.

But really, it wouldn't have been right.

As Camus put it, accepting suicide would be to reject your freedom. We're all going to die anyway, why not accept that? And then, why not accept life as well?

We can't predict the shifting turbulence of life but that doesn't mean we should shun it. Instead, we should accept it even if it makes no sense. After all, did it ever make sense in the first place?



Philologos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jan 2010
Age: 83
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,987

04 Sep 2010, 11:45 am

Hey -if you CAN talk to your teacher, maybe you can talk to your teacher [you would be surprised how many students have talked to me about all kinds of things.

That said, two things it took me a lot of grief to learn:

BIG ONE - there are NEVER only two options. I nearly killed mysdelf when I thought there was no way out. Then I spotted the OTHER alternative.

JUST ABOUT AS BIG - what saved me that time was that I had just advised [big expert] my then girlfriend, Do not do anything drastic without being COMPLETELY sure it is right. The only reason I am here to typde this is that night I took my oswn advice.