worthless and hopeless

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I haven't felt even remotely happy ever since August 19th, 2010. That was the day before my girlfriend dumped me. My whole world was turned upside down. Since then I haven't been able to get through the day without at least having a long depression spell and a crying spell. We dated for 6 months, and on top of that she was my first true love and my best friend (still is).

I felt soooo comfortable around her, and I rarely feel that kind of comfort around anyone. She made me feel so happy, like she was the only thing that mattered in the whole world. I would do anything to make her happy, and I would always be there for her no matter what. She was the first person that I felt truly understood me, and didn't judge me for anything I said or did.

She is the most beautiful woman on the planet, and she's has the most amazing personality ever. I love her soooooo much, I was even planning on proposing before she broke it off.

But now without her, and seeing her with another guy and that that other guy makes her happy, and that they do the things that her and I used to do (holding hands, cuddling, kissing, probably sex but I don't wanna think about it but I do anyways) it just it's like torture. I've cried so much that I thought I would run out of tears but I keep making them.

Without her, I feel like no one cares about me anymore. Like I could go away to the middle of Alaska and die in the wilderness and no one would even notice. She says that she loves me like a best friend, and that's why we broke up. I don't really know what was going on in her head but I just can't stop thinking about the two of them.

We used to be together everyday for nearly the entire time we dated. Now they're together all the time, nearly everyday and they just started dating last Tuesday.

I care about her too much to want to hurt her, or even him for that matter. I can't kill myself because I care too much about what other people would think. I'm stuck in a stupid depressive limbo. I can't drown my pain in alcohol becasue it doesn't work. The only thing I could do is take a ton of sleeping pills so I could sleep for a really really long time. But if I sleep, then I can't be there for her like I promised.

I can't even say what's going on in my head because it's probably inappropriate for this forum but I just keep replaying him and her together, being intimate, and it's driving me nuts.

I want her back soooooo much! I would do anything to have her as my girlfriend again. Even just for a day.

What you need to do is not make such a big deal of it. I would be surprised if anyone thought anything aside from "loves his girlfriend" if asked what they thought of you.

You have great sentence structure so I know you're smart and you're obviously sensitive as all hell. What you need to do is make something of yourself rather than placing so much emphasis on relationships. I'm guilty of this too! I've devoted myself to speed and that along with my morality is what defines me and gives me self worth. You need to do the same or you'll always feel the way you do.

I know what it feels like. It feels like there's no other way, that you can't do anything. But that's not true. Right now, you're weak because you're tired of fighting. Not fighting with you ex, the guy who hangs out with her or any other person. It's you, or should I say - your wimpy former self. There are no stable things in relationships with other people, that's why you sometimes fight with others and sometimes you have a good time. You aimed high, you approached a girl you like and started a relationship, and you achieved this goal. Don't you think that's a huge success? Now that you took a major blow from life, you want to back off and drown your valuable experience in a sea of self-pity? I don't think so. Also, don't rely too much on others because it may backfire on you at some point. That's a kind of fight you have to win alone. Look, I don't even know you but I want you to heal your wounds, evolve and crush every fool who wants to break you.

Peace.

But you had to do something to start a relationship with her, it's never one-sided agreement. Don't underestimate your efforts.

You will be a lot happier by letting go of finding some meaning with women and focusing on what you want in life.

I'm so sorry this happened. There's really no pain quite like this kind. Alas, there's no cure except time, but one thing you can do is get yourself a new project, something non-girl related. Thinking about this over and over again drains your energy and makes it all seem worse than it is (yes, that is possible). Get dressed and get out of the house, even if it's just to take a walk with your ipod. Stay active, keep moving, ignore your instincts to curl up on the bed. I promise, you'll feel better and get some needed perspective.

I think you should get that ipod back from her. Sure, she may use it more, but it is YOURS. I loan things to my friends when they need them, but something like that is something I'd want back. If she wants an ipod, she should buy her own. Don't deny yourself a simple pleasure like walking and listening to music you like for someone who would deny herself to you. Get it back.

I think you should set aside your feelings for a moment.

One common mistake of ours is to think that: When we give, we will get in return.

But, Earthians do not have this rule built-in, they place themselves on one side of the equation: their side. Witch is very unfair, but if you see from a evolutionary perspective, is quite understandable.

So she found that from her side of the equation, because you love you will carry on giving, she could dump you and take someone else without suffering any loss.

So carrying showing your love and giving stuff will not solve the problem.

The only reasonable attempt to solve the problem seems to me:
- Take back your ipod and whatever (say you need it)
- Don't speak to her anymore, ignore her (be the most credible possible)

And let's see what happens...

I may sound harsh but, I know too well what it is

Normally, I don't say things like "You're just rationalizing", because I certainly can't read minds, especially from a forum post. But with the ipod thing, you, Sir, are rationalizing.

Are you hoping that by allowing her to keep it, you demonstrate your affection and loyalty? If so, take it back. It's more important to establish respect for yourself, and show her that she cannot take you, or the things you give or do for her, for granted. That's exactly the sort of thing that keeps you in the dreaded 'friend zone.'

Are you thinking she's under the impression that you GAVE her the ipod, and you don't want to make waves by trying to reclaim it? An understandable problem, but again, you should get it back. If you ask yourself honestly, I think you'll answer that you DO want it back. You deserve it. It's yours. Tell her to return it. Why deny yourself a simple pleasure to avoid what'll probably be just her saying "Oh, um, OK, here you go"?

Or are you afraid she'll just simply say no? That she'll say "No, I need it more than you, you'll just let it gather dust. I'm keeping it."
That's an irrational, unlikely scenario. Lots of people are thieves, but very few openly admit it. She'll give it back.

I let her borrow it. I also let her borrow my netbook, which I later broke in half. She can have the thing I don't care. I have no need for it.

I'm seriously considering that killing myself is the only way out of this misery. I've actually had the though cross my mind for the very first time today.

It just keeps getting worse and worse and worse and worse. I honestly don't know what to do, what to say, what to feel anymore.

I'm angry and sad all of the time. I just found out today that she's f**king this new guy of hers, because she's a wh**e.

I have no job, not going to school, and I don't do anything interesting with my spare time. I'm just a complete loser.