suicide gun blast in mouth?

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I mean , I don't even have a gun , I've never had one~
I mean , on a certain level , I internalize/whatever a certian Black Flag/Johnny Thunders/Bukowski " be laiarare-ly tough " thing ~
But , I am still homeless , the hospital program that made themselves my payee have kept me homeless , made an infection of lice/whatever worse by their REFUSING to let me move into a place that wanted to let me move in a week later , because they wanted to spend my money on elaborate bathroom fixtures - Then , later still , they announced they they should pick out my clothes for me , paying for them with MY MONEY , sight unseen .
If I could access the approximatly $2000 they spirited away , I could , immediately , get a temporary room , clean up ( I'd have to get all new clothes - and shoes , my only ones are collapsing ) , and plan what to do from there_
At least I contacted some other people who , MAYBE , might help me - next week - and , maybe they'll say " There's nothing we can do "
415-336-2420
It is looking like , at least , suspicious things may have happened with the hospital program's belated paying of a tax bill on a tiny inheritance of some mineral land my father had left me , I had to pay it uup or lose it , supposedly - after I PESTERED them - they did it , just in tuime , I called the county in question today...And they said that they had sent the receipt of the tax payment - to a new to me address - Is someone else taking the money without telling me now ?
I have had to , very much , hurry up/pound out this letter~

It sucks when others are making the decisions in your life without giving you any input at all.

it does sound suspicious that the tax bill wasn't paid until you pestered them about it and that they wouldn't let you in that place.

How did the hospital program become your payee in the first place?

...Through , briefly , what is appearing to be " not exactly by the rules " circumstances , also whenI tried to get the facts from them earlier , the head M. D. there appears to have been not telling ,e the truth...or even lying to me actively !

I'm in the same city as you, but I don't know if say $100 would help you at all.

...It wouldn't hurt .
In combination , too , with the small amount of money I'll get tomorrow...
BTW , this has been moved to The Haven ? !

...I meant , I get my teeny $ tomorrow...

...Extending upon what I have said before...
Had I extra money perhaps , then , I could get some temporary place and clean myself up...
However , I'd have to get all new clothes , since I would really have to throw out what I have , and , since it would not be for long and I guess I would have to return to being HL , get a new tarbulin and blanket/what kind of " homeless gear " , since I guess , as " clothing items " , I'd have to throw those out too...And , I would have to buy the anti-infestation goop retail...
The room the hospital program proposed seemed acceptable , then...
But , given that the justification they gave for my money being taken from me was " to save $ for the security for a room " , I wanted at least to start moving towards my money being given back to me...
Instead , they , strating with one set of special bathroom fixtures , made it two , keeping me from moving in at the time the room offered to have me move in , making my being dirty/the infestation get worse...Then , they started ignoring my demand that they not spend any money on these fixtures , telling me then that they were ignoring my E-mail communications , then , as the day they had set for the move-in ( Which I had rejected already . ) drew closer , announced that I was to consent to them buying new clothes for me , which would be paid for from my account , but that I would bnever see until they brought them ...In other words , they were extending and extending the excuses to keep my money ! !! !! !! !!
It all comes down to money , doesn't it ? And power .
This is looking like a situation where , if I went along with them , I'd likely be in the same situation when I'm 60 , nothing having developed , them keeping my money , with me not having seen my brother for 22-plus years by then rather that 12-plus...
Their keeping me homeless and allowing my condition to get worse is enoughto show they don't really care ! !! !!

ASS-P: Good news on the $$ even if small!

I suggest that you don't go that route. Suicide is a permanent solution, to a temporary problem.

Just remember your a long time dead so make the best of what you can i sure this may be very hard but you must try to be as optimistic as possible.

...Well , it's the money I already get , and I've spent almost all of it - Meaning the money I get on MOnday , it being Monday nite about 8:15 PM now in S.F. , I went from my " crappier " side of town to a cafe on the edge of the Castro to get some 'Net time in , having missed my free library time to-day 100%... - That money , the " teeny $ " I referred to , is almost all gone now - Including , um , feeding my comic book additction ! !! !! !! !!

...On the " good " side , I am indoors now... ...BUt , it was me , in a sense , accepting that the hospital had taken so much of my money already , I might " as well accept it " and improve my physical circumstances for now...
Plus , I was feeling better towARDS THe staff there...BUt , for one , I have , in a sense , even LESS personal things now than I had before , they are trying to suck away ALL my money !
I can't even get most of my books/mags from before , they have to " be inspected " ( for lice , etc. ) , and , it very much occurs to me , someone might declare them " contaminated " ( though they're paper )...just because the organization works that way , or , to steal my things for themselves !
I am rushing this out...
Really , I have NO! money , and I HAVE to get away from this ...

...I received a PM from Monsterland , IIRC his/her name , and I replied to it , but , I think I may have delted it , too...
Could he send it again , please ?
In answer to what was said , yes , I am interested , and , I am in the Downtown/Tenderloin area of SF , I am at the main Library now posting this --- Yes , that's me ! !! !! !! !! !!

...Again , I sent a response to your PM , it appears to have gone out , but I think I deleted your PM from my box!

I got your PM and replied.

...To all:
As I think I said above , I think my foot got gotten a touch WORSE! , perhaps because I've walked a little too much , maybe the additional upward distance to the place where the room is , other possible reasons too...
The think is , I DON'T have the " normal " things most people have to distract them [ Like , a TV , video player , audio player , let alone computer . }
It seems like I need to have more $ , or , I will , NEVER heal , possibly...I mean my foot healing ...