I wish I had STOOD UP for myself more often.

Post Reply New Topic

Know what I mean? Now that I have better social skills, or at least I'm not so afraid, I wish I wouldn't have just taken it like that. I could just kick my own *** sometimes.

Very much so.. though the thought of standing up for myself usually comes well after the situation and I hate myself for not standing up. I hate conflict and I am very inarticulate especially when I'm upset so standing up for myself in such a situation would probably end up with me looking like an idiot and the other person would "win."

I didn't have a problem "standing up" for myself. For me, the problem was more knowing when it was the right time that I SHOULD stand up for myself. There was this gang of about 3 or 5 guys I messed with one time, the ring leader who just drove me nuts one day, so I proceeded to rearrange his face. I knowingly started this in front of a classroom because it wouldn't take long before the teacher came out to break it up. Those guys verbally pushed me around about a week or two after that, but they knew good and well they couldn't start anything with me. Besides, do YOU want to mess around with the CRAAAAAAZY dude?

There are those more conniving passive-aggressive individuals that were more adept at getting people in trouble because there was just SOMETHING about them, you can't put your finger on it, but they just piss you off so bad you WANT to beat the $h!+ out of them. The trouble, though, is YOU'RE the one who's gonna be caught and get in trouble over it while the other person is the one who gets the last laugh. See, I should have been THAT guy, I just wasn't smart enough or quick enough to put it in practice. But when I was going through my clueless junior high phase, I didn't feel quite so bad about dealing with NT bullies by at least getting in a few licks. I started taking more crap later on because fights at my school got bad enough that administrators HAD to crack down on them. Don't like it? Transfer to the PUBLIC schools! Yeah, rich kids can be brutal. But man, oh man, I wish I could have been THAT guy who got someone kicked out of school, all because I was willing to take a few bumps and bruises.

But on the other hand, I did have a few very sweet NT friends in my class that, even if they didn't understand me, they at least were supportive. In the end, I think it was being nicer to certain people that kept me out of trouble more often than in it. They would have known right away if I'd been doing the whole "psych-out" thing, and I don't think they'd have had as much respect for me if I'd been that way. Nobody likes you if ALL you do is huddle in a corner in the fetal position!

Thinking back like that is futile. Rather prepare for future situations. Hurry up and wait.

I didn't suffer much physical abuse after about 7 years of age. I remember I was cutting through a creek with another kid on the way home from school. These three boys jumped us and the other kid I was with ran away crying. For some reason while these guys were beating on me I just started to wail away at their faces with my fists. I got my but kicked but their faces were bruised and swollen. They then ran off after the other kid. The next day at school when I thought I was going to get it they were instead praising me and bragging to other kids how I gave it back to them. I was then cool I guess. I thought their behavior real strange at the time. What a silly way to make friends. That other kid continued to get harassed all the time. Needless to say, that became my new response to physical attacks. It would lead to much trouble for me down the road but it saved me many troubles as well.

Yes, it's very important to stand up for oneself, and it's something I can imagine aspies having a lot more difficulty at. But there's no use dwelling on the past; social skills don't just happen, you have to acquire them, so there's no need to be hard on yourself for something you or anyone else couldn't have really fixed immediately anyway.

Oh man, it does happen like that sometimes. Like, you go to say something and can't reason fast enough so your reasoning ends up all over the place. Or you might be fearful of what they'll say if you manage to get one in. Or that they'll seek retaliation somehow.

But you know what, even if you look like a jack***, in retrospect at least you sent them a message, and didn't take it lying down. I relive some events in my mind, and wish I had said this that and the other, but the few times I did, even if it backfired, it was worth it.

I believe right now that your trapped if you do, trapped if you don't. If you stand up for yourself, people don't like it and you can suffer consequences like getting fired. If you don't stand up for yourself, people walk all over you and take advantage of you.

This is so true.

I'm not sure if it's necessary? I think that it probably is a good idea, if you want to win. I'm not sure being harmonious is a key factor in winning.

Over the last 5 years, I have stood up for myself more. The Neurotypicals that used to control me can no longer do that and it scares the hell out of them. Anyway, I am an extremely aggressive, abused Aspie who will no longer back down to them.

I get tired of the standing up for myself. It seems like I have to in almost every conversation.
Edit: Not like I don't think it's necessary.