My personality is extremely inconsistent with AS sometimes

Page 1 of 1 [ 12 posts ] 

nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,552
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

15 Nov 2010, 10:16 am

I notice sometimes when I'm around certain people or in situations with people I don't really know; I am very unlike my usual typical self. I can be friendly, talkative & joke around. During those times I do not have the social interaction problems that I typically have. I am more aware of things around me & I also notice nonverbal social signs/cues/signals like hand-gestures, posture ect. During those times I like socializing & I feel comfortable interacting with strangers. I do NOT feel or act like an Aspie. It's like I have a sperate NT personality comes out & takes over. If you would see me in a typical situation & see me during one of my NT moments; you would think I am a different person. I like that NT personality but it doesn't come out a lot & it doesn't last long. Sometimes that NTness leaves while I'm in a social situation & I suddenly feel overwhelmed & I have to force myself to keep acting the way I was before. I wish I was that NT person all the time instead of only sometimes :(


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


ZakFiend
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Sep 2007
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 547

15 Nov 2010, 11:30 am

With AS I find I can be myself only around people a good deal younger then me or a good deal older, but I never feel connected with people my own age. It's ironic.



FluffyDog
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Oct 2010
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 639
Location: The rainiest part of Germany

15 Nov 2010, 11:37 am

Maybe you can figure out when those "NT moments" are more likely to happen and then try to include more of those situations into your lifestyle?

My ideas for going at it:

-Write down a list of those people that tend to be around you when you are feeling more NT.
-Is there music playing or isn't there? If so, which kind of music? Is it slow or fast-paced?
-Do those moments happen when you are in a public place? In your own home? In the home(s) of specific people?
-Does your eating pattern figure in? Maybe you are more relaxed after a meal you enjoyed and that helps with your behaviour?
-Are there any moon phases/times of the month/weather situations in which you are more likely to feel NT?
-Does alcohol consumption help you to feel more NT? (If so, beware of developing a drinking habit. It would certainly be tempting...)
-Do you have certain clothes/items that are more likely to be in your vicinity in those NT moments than others you own?
-Does conversation touch your special interests when you feel more NT? Are there other topics of conversation that are likely to be talked about in NT situations?

That's all I can think of at the moment, but with a little patience this list could be finetuned to your needs and help you figure out what is likely to help you feel good.


_________________
Yes, I am serious about that avatar...


AardvarkGoodSwimmer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,665
Location: Houston, Texas

15 Nov 2010, 12:37 pm

nick007 wrote:
. . . During those times I do not have the social interaction problems that I typically have. I am more aware of things around me & I also notice nonverbal social signs/cues/signals like hand-gestures, posture ect. During those times I like socializing & I feel comfortable interacting with strangers. . .
Do you think it might be because you're in a situation where you feel it's safe to turn down the internal censor, where your default setting becomes 'it's probably okay to go ahead and say it'?



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,665
Location: Houston, Texas

15 Nov 2010, 12:41 pm

ZakFiend wrote:
With AS I find I can be myself only around people a good deal younger then me or a good deal older, but I never feel connected with people my own age. It's ironic.
In high school, college, and even my 20s, very much so. Now, in my 40s, not so much. And I think it's because the other kids are so quick to judge others---where you are on the hierarchy, what can you do for me, that kind of thing. They're not really open (and this is a generalization, but it's a largely true generalization) just to meeting another human being and they are put off by 'different.' Whereas different is actually good! Or at least it's interesting, let's say that.



SuperApsie
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 11 Sep 2010
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 482
Location: Athens, Greece

15 Nov 2010, 1:58 pm

I would say, try to melt the two personalities together, rather than forcing to suspend the time when you feel NT

The very first important thing is not to change too fast, you have to be aware that it has to be gradual, in order to check if you are still OK with yourself and to make the change coherent for the other.

I suspended time as NT for about 8 years, I end up making parties for 150 in my flat people, everything seemed fine. I stopped pacing for almost all the time and when I tried I got seasick (lol) but there was a contradiction inside myself, and at the end, it blew everything up.
That contradiction was precisely the switch you describe. There was still a duality in me that prevented a few things, so my advice would be: try to see why you switch states, how to agree both.


_________________
I came, I saw, I conquered, now I want to leave
Forgetting to visit the chat is a capital Aspie sin: http://www.wrongplanet.net/asperger.html?name=ChatRoom


RainingRoses
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Oct 2010
Age: 54
Gender: Male
Posts: 731
Location: New York City

15 Nov 2010, 2:23 pm

I can definitely get into a "comfort zone" (although I haven't been able to figure out what makes it a comfort zone) and feel what I imagine is "normal." Fun, spontaneous, free. And it builds on itself: the better I'm feeling about how a situation is going, the more I feel "normal." It *always* collapses though. Maybe a little break in the conversation where suddenly there's an awkward pause, or moving from one person to another in a conversation, or maybe just slipping back into introspection mode. And then I turn into the guy sitting all alone in the corner again -- completely shut down.

When the stars are aligned perfectly, I can fake it OK; but, it's just that -- faking it. And I'm destined to fall back into "real self" very quickly. At least I feel destined, because that's how it's always been. And, strangely, good experiences don't build up any confidence. In other words, a little bit of social progress made one day does not carry over into the next, unfortunately.


_________________
Put the curse of loneliness on every boy and every girl,
Until everybody's kickin', everybody's scratchin',
Everything seems to fail ?
And it was all for the want of a nail.


nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,552
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

15 Nov 2010, 3:58 pm

ZakFiend wrote:
With AS I find I can be myself only around people a good deal younger then me or a good deal older, but I never feel connected with people my own age. It's ironic.


In some ways I relate better to younger people but in other ways I relate better to older people. People my age are the hardest for me to relate to in some ways because I have less in common with em & we are on different levels.


FluffyDog wrote:
Maybe you can figure out when those "NT moments" are more likely to happen and then try to include more of those situations into your lifestyle?

My ideas for going at it:

-Write down a list of those people that tend to be around you when you are feeling more NT.
-Is there music playing or isn't there? If so, which kind of music? Is it slow or fast-paced?
-Do those moments happen when you are in a public place? In your own home? In the home(s) of specific people?
-Does your eating pattern figure in? Maybe you are more relaxed after a meal you enjoyed and that helps with your behaviour?
-Are there any moon phases/times of the month/weather situations in which you are more likely to feel NT?
-Does alcohol consumption help you to feel more NT? (If so, beware of developing a drinking habit. It would certainly be tempting...)
-Do you have certain clothes/items that are more likely to be in your vicinity in those NT moments than others you own?
-Does conversation touch your special interests when you feel more NT? Are there other topics of conversation that are likely to be talked about in NT situations?

That's all I can think of at the moment, but with a little patience this list could be finetuned to your needs and help you figure out what is likely to help you feel good.


Those moments seem kind of random to me. When I was working I would be AS one moment & NT the next & AS again. I did not notice any changes with things at work except with myself. It's like my personality just switches/cycles sometimes. I've noticed that I have a harder time remembering things when it changes. When I'm an NT it's hard for me to remember some of my Aspie stuff & when I go back to Aspie; I have a hard time remembering the NT.


AardvarkGoodSwimmer wrote:
nick007 wrote:
. . . During those times I do not have the social interaction problems that I typically have. I am more aware of things around me & I also notice nonverbal social signs/cues/signals like hand-gestures, posture ect. During those times I like socializing & I feel comfortable interacting with strangers. . .
Do you think it might be because you're in a situation where you feel it's safe to turn down the internal censor, where your default setting becomes 'it's probably okay to go ahead and say it'?


I do notice that I feel more comfortable during those times but I'm not sure why I feel more comfortable. I notice when I'm around certain people that I know somewhat I feel more comfortable & if I go to an environment/situation with em; I'm more likely to be comfortable & NT & I stay that way even if the person leaves for a while but other times I may not be comfortable when I'm in that same thing even if the person is around. It's hard to explain.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


Sahmiam
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 6 Oct 2010
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 106

16 Nov 2010, 2:14 am

Are you getting better at faking it, or are you really connecting more? I notice in some situations I feel more typical, and sometimes I try harder to fit in with society, just to get through the day. In the first instance it's a low-stress event and in the second, I feel like I'm pretty convincing at the time, but it's exhausting.



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,552
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

16 Nov 2010, 6:53 am

Sahmiam wrote:
Are you getting better at faking it, or are you really connecting more? I notice in some situations I feel more typical, and sometimes I try harder to fit in with society, just to get through the day. In the first instance it's a low-stress event and in the second, I feel like I'm pretty convincing at the time, but it's exhausting.


I'm not faking it. I can fake when I have to for job interviews & stuff but when I have those NT moments it doesn't feel fake. My Aspie stuff feels like it's not there & it's hard to imagine being an Aspie. It's the same way when I'm an Aspie & thinking about NT stuff. I've been officially diagnosed with Schizoid Personality instead of AS but that personality is not natural to me. I think I became Schizoid as an adaptation thing because of my AS & other issues; it is not my natural state. I guess maybe it could be that I have my natural personality & my adaptive personality that I switch between :?


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


AardvarkGoodSwimmer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,665
Location: Houston, Texas

18 Nov 2010, 12:43 pm

nick007 wrote:
. . . I've been officially diagnosed with Schizoid Personality instead of AS but that personality is not natural to me. I think I became Schizoid as an adaptation thing because of my AS & other issues; it is not my natural state . . .

Evidence yet again (if we need it!) that psychiatrists, 'mental health professionals,' psychologists and the like are not always all that accurate. (How's that for British understatement! :lol: )

I really think, although mental health professionals might help, a movement for change, social and political activism for advocacy and rights needs to primarily be self-advocacy. It is the right to be fully ourselves, and yes, even if that means being 'different'!

So, whether Aspie, 'Normal,' Different in Different Ways, let us endeavor to build a society that is more fully inclusive. Let's build multiple paths and multiple ways for us to be accepted and appreciated (I'm thinking mainly of jobs, but I think this would apply to many, many areas.)



AardvarkGoodSwimmer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,665
Location: Houston, Texas

18 Nov 2010, 12:45 pm

And I tell myself it's about engagement, not conformity.