i need help

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i just got into an argument with my stepmother (it's more like her telling me off because of one thing i say). it's complicated. i think things are unhealthy, there is codependence, i've been told she's controlling, etc.

i'm looking for help to see if this is the case, bc i have difficulty in this area.

so, she tells me that she orders my 7-year old son a year's subscription to a particular magazine. i was upset about that, not upset, but i got a look on my face bc i wasn't sure about it. i am sensitive to her coming in and taking things over with how my son is raised, i don't like some of her influence on him and there are boundary issues about raising him. i said some casual comment about not being sure that i liked her doing that. she starts going off on me.....i don't know what to say back.
she totally put me down. said that i should figure out why everyone gets so mad at me, and my dad had said that i take the fun out of everything, etc. (my dad had passed away a few years ago and i moved in with my stepmother to get away from an abusive relationship). i have tried to figure out why people get mad at me, i honestly can't figure it out. there's just something about my thinking that i'm not able to, i'm thinking this maybe has to do with the lack of "theory of mind". i get along with people in certain respects and don't usually have many issues with them - as long as we are focused on a task at hand, i'm fine. but the other parts of relationships i'm not so good at thinking about.

whenever i feel attacked, i am unable to defend myself. i literally can't think from one thought to the next. if i try to defend myself, it will be a big fight. i said something very honest about when i figure out how to raise him (i've already thought alot about it), and she misunderstood me or took it too literally, and attacked me saying "we'll you'd better figure it out before he's 30!". i know certain values that i have. i am not good at communicating them. and don't want to or think i should have to, when it comes to people like this who won't even try to understand.

i just notice that i have had this issue my whole life, certain issues. when attacked, i don't know what to say. i feel helpless to defend myself. i just stand there kind of speechless, and i feel like people take that as confirmation that they are right, when i don't think that's the case. i know emotional people yelling are unreasonable anyway.
if i do open my mouth, it would be bad, a fight. i know it's just this woman. i cannot sit down and talk to her, i have tried before, and she used things i said against me. i don't trust her. she has said something about taking my son away before, and i am afraid of that. i'm afraid she'll say all these bad things about me and i'll be unable to defend myself on the spot, which i am not usually good at doing.

i know i want to get away from this woman, i do have self-respect and am better than she treats me, and have been working with people to try to get out of here. i also have to fight against my ex still as well, because he has been still been abusive towards me as well. it's just hard sometimes. i feel stronger at times, and then weak again after these arguments. i know i should keep my mouth shut so there are no arguments and my PTSD isn't triggered, but it's hard at times. i've researched about abuse and have thought about how to get out of all of this. i know i need to walk away from her next time and not get so angry, keep my thoughts to myself. pretend to get along with her while i figure out how to get out.

i just wanted to know if these are common things with aspergers - being misunderstood, and unable to defend yourself or communicate the things you need to.

It takes two to tango.

For years I had someone telling me over and over, "You are the odd one - you have to change"

If only one tries, there is no hope.