The point is?

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So tell me: what's the point of putting endless effort into life when things work out the same anyway?
Tell me: what's the point of trying and trying to change one's approach to find something that works, when all approaches yield the same results?
I have a knife here. Give me one good reason not to use it.
Tell me: for years I've felt like I'm just filling in time until I die. The things that give meaning are taken away one by one. I enjoy things but they are just temporary diversions. I'm terminally bored, life is not worth the effort, and I'm sick of it.
Two days ago I was happy because I managed to do some of the things that bring me joy. If I could manage that all the time life might not be burdensome. I spend too much time trapped in the wasteland between thought and action, and when I do manage to break out of intertia, it leaves me exhausted for days.
Tell me: what sort of a life is moments of joy in endless landscapes of being unable to break out of the greyness?
Right now I am alive because I don't want to hurt my mother.
All the effort I put into things yields either nothingness and pain, or more effort. Nothing works. Nothing makes things better.
Things will only get worse or harder.
I calculated that with the average human lifespan I have approximately half a million more hours to live.
The hours drag, and I try to fill them in. They drag and drag, and drag still.
I am bored with life.
I am so bored with life that it hurts.
Enjoyment is a diversion.
Things that seem meaningful and worthwhile are cruel, as they make the crash worse when they are taken away.
Tell me: why do I put up with it?
Tell me: why am I alive still?

I dont know, I wish i had the answer of that question myself. Life does seem like a bunch of mundane hours strung together, at times, and I get so bored and restless that I go and blow my benefit budget and treat myself to lunch out, or go buy chocolate and DVDs, just to get by.

I am living in an isolated area, where I only see my boyfriend, his parents, the odd visitor, and some sheep, goats and the dog.

I spent much of yesterday afternoon sitting in the shadow of a rock and having a heart to heart with a lamb named Doll, and she turned out to be a very good listener.

But life does change. Phases end and you can find yourself moving on, living in other places, and doing other things. If things are dragging, it doesnt mean they are going to drag forever.

And you will find better and better things to do with your time, and better ways to manage time, and manage your energy levels, also better ways to handle the people in your life.

So, I guess what I am trying to say is, yes, life can be very hard, and yes it can be mundane, and make no sense, but you never know when you are going to turn the corner into something better. And that is a reason why to keep on going, even when there doesnt seem to be any reason to.

I am not really sure if I can talk, I feel so fatigued and unmotivated all the time, and so sad about certain things that are happening that sometimes I wish that I could have a reprieve from all this.

I guess we need to really realise that sometimes things can be really, really hard and it can give us extra incentive to do fun things for ourselves to cheer ourselves up.

Anyway I am hoping this has helped a bit...

C
~

It did, and thank you.

The point is to have fun.
Change things. Travel. Work illegally in a cool country and explore it.

Last edited by Subotai on 30 Nov 2010, 3:50 am, edited 2 times in total.

Travel? How? I'd love to, but I can only afford the bus/train fares to my job and study, nothing more.

If you`re that depressed you could probably take time off your studying? Save up money, even find a second part time job to increase your saving potential.

My studies are the one thing that keep me going at the moment, and the one thing that gives me hope for the future. If I can take them as far as I want, I'll eventually have a PhD and be a uni professor in my primary special interest.
I've tried to find another part-time job but I even get rejected for things like cleaning jobs, and noone will tell me what I'm doing wrong.
I was getting help from a job agency, and they gave some helpful ideas that I incorporated into my approach, but even they were puzzled about why I found it so hard to find work.
I've been clinically depressed before and this isn't the same thing. I still enjoy things when I can manage to break my inertia enough to do things, and if things hadn't been painful lately, I'd probably be happy. What this is is being hurt and discouraged.

Hmm.. well I don`t know...

If you do want to travel and study you might be able to continue your studying at a different University. I don`t know, new surroundings might inspire you but that`s only based on what works for me.

Do you suffer from ADHD by any chance, Who_Am_I?

One solution for boredom is meditation. Better mental habits make less boredom, and less boredom means less depression.

I wrote a blog post about it here.

http://recollection.posterous.com/bored ... n-attentio

Double post that I can't delete. My apologies.

I can focus for hours on things once I manage to get started, it's just getting started on things that is a struggle; making the transition from doing nothing, which is very boring, to doing something. This article describes it perfectly.
I do have trouble shutting things out, particularly sounds. Unless I'm wearing my headphones, there's no such thing as background noise for me: only sounds that I'm trying to focus on, and sounds that getting in the way of what I'm trying to focus on. I'm sure that the lack of filtering is behind many of my sensory issues.

That is a very interesting blog post; I must remember to check out the rest of your blog. It does seem that a lot of my boredom is caused by a struggle to start attention- once I get past that, I have no trouble maintaining attention providing that I'm in a fairly quiet environment.

That might work. At the moment the uni I'm at has the programs that match what I want, but I'm doing a coursework-based postgrad course. Once I move into research, my program of study will depend more on my research interests than anything, so I could go to one of the other 2 major universities in my state. I do really like my university, though...
It would only change my surroundings partly, though, as I live close enough that I can live at home and catch the train to class.

Brilliant. Maybe just knowing that finding it hard to initiate attention is difficult for you can be a help, and monitoring for when you're in that 'difficulty initiating' state.

The rest of my blog is a mixed bag, but attention is a pet subject of mine at the moment. Thanks very much ^_^

I am glad it did. I hope you are feeling better today.

Read a book called "The Power of Now." It will teach you how to transcend your emotions and let your true self shine through.