My Dreams Were Judged (A RANT)

Post Reply New Topic

I just had a huge fight with my mother. Of course. We always fight about what I want in my life because she never ever agrees with anything I want to do. I am almost graduating from my Masters and I want to finally move out and go abroad to work. I have family abroad I can say with (mainly my dad).

She actually dared to say that I "wasn't all together" and said that I had so many obsessions with things, and always changed my mind and etc....which is COMPLETELY A LIE!! ! I've only had a few obsessions but they have NEVER gone away. I want to move to London to get a job. I've been in love with London ever since I was 5 when I first went there. I have family there, and my dad lives there. WHY can't I go?!?! WHAT MAKES THAT SO IMPOSSIBLE!??!?!

She says, "You can have dreams, but make dreams that are possible. That are plausible...and that are NORMAL" Yes...she actually said "NORMAL" dreams.............?!?!?! WHO SAYS THAT?!?!? SHe's so completely ignorant!! !! !! !! ! She's so bitter and horrible to be around I can't stand it anymore!! UGH!! And I'm not running away from home because I can't stand her, I just have always wanted to go there, and I don't understand WHY she thinks it's impossible?!

And how dare she use my Aspie-ness against me?! HOW DARE SHE!! !! I couldn't believe that came out of her mouth when she's the one who use to have major depression issues and used to be a pill popper! Now she's turning it on me!! !! Who would do something so hurtful?? As if that wouldn't hurt me?? Saying things like that to me?? How could she?!

Am I wrong to be hurt by ANY of this?? Please just tell me......I'm really really hurt and angry right now and I just feel like I want to punch through a wall..... ='(

I understand, but maybe she's trying to save you heartache if you can't achieve your dreams - for whatever reason - like money or whatever.

People have told me I can't do things either. I never thought I'd be where I am now even though I'm about to be evicted.

But I have published 15 books and am working on a Rap CD which I will likely finish next month. I'm not sure how far I will go as an Author but I've gone farther than I ever thought I would.

Hang in there everyone. I wish you all luck.

I plan on moving out as soon as I become self-sufficient and I pay off my debts. I can't stand my mom's innecssitant bitching over little things and how she wants me to be like everyone else. And the fact she's indirectly killing any chance of me socializing by putting me in charge of my brother with severe autism which I feel he is much better served in a group home.

When you graduate, apply for jobs there and then after, don't ask her if you can leave, tell her your leaving. I know parents can have a HUGE influence on what their kids do.

She IS completely controlling!! And when I tell her she's trying to control me, she labels me "immature" and tells me to grow up. Oh, and then when I continue on and on, she says she's not controlling me, I can do whatever I want.

But she KNOWS (as has always been the case since I was little), that every time she says "do what you want" I always do it HER way.....because I have stupid guilty feelings like I'm letting her down or something....or like I'm disobeying her, so she ALWAYS ALWAYS gets her way....no matter what, and she's STILL not happy after even THAT.

And then she goes back to normal....like nothing ever happened, being her normal bright happy self leaving me all emotionally exhausted, confused and angry. Try dealing with this for 23 years and you'll see how awful it is....I really wouldn't wish this on anyone....it's like sneaky emotional abuse.

Freud once said, "Nobody is truly an adult until their parents die". Ok, you can't wait around for that. But here's what he meant: the defining task of adulthood is separating your life from your parents' and going down your path rather than theirs. It's a lot easier to do after they're dead (as he noted) because they won't keep telling you how wrong you are. But it's inadvisable to wait around for that.

The time has come to live your life in the way that is right for you. One of the hardest tasks of adulthood is accepting that your parents (in this case just your mother) may disapprove of your choices. You have to make your choices as though your mother wasn't even aware of them. You don't have to cut her out of your life. You do have to cut her out of the decision loop. You do what you do whether she approves or not. And you accept that she often won't approve. And you do it any way and consider her disapproval irrelevent. Don't rant againts it. Don'ty try to change her mind. Don't be pissed that's she's wrong and unfair. Just do what you do.

Emotionally this is a very hard thing to do. I did it and it was hard. My own mother did it and it was hard. She even told me about how she did it and cut my grandmother out of the decision loop but that didn't prevent her from trying to make decisions for me. It's the nature of many mothers. So I did what I did and when she disapproved I lived with it. Eventually she got over it and we renewed our relationship about 5 years later on an adult-to-adult level rather than an adult-grownup child level. This is what you must do too. And it will be hard. Some years after it has been done, you may enjoy a new type of reltionship with your mother as two adults living separate but related lives. But first you have to stop caring that she doesn't approve of your decisions or dreams and act on them anyway. Don't justify it to your mother. Don't explain. Don't argue about why you are right. Just do it.