Rage and Depression over Unemployment

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Even though I got my AS diagnosis recently, I still feel so sad and confused.

I graduated with my master of social work last month, and have been looking for work since March. I was unemployed until July, when I got re-hired at the retail job I'd held during undergrad. For the rest of the summer I worked there and finished my master's thesis.

Around this time is when I became aware that I might have AS, and set about getting a diagnosis. I got my DX on Oct. 27. It was definitely a relief to finally know what was "wrong" with me.

Because of still being employed in retail, I go between rage and depression most days. I find being a cashier/supervisor very hard, considering all the questions, accusations and frustration levelled at me in an environment that is understaffed and overpriced. The hours are random and not enough to live on. Sometimes when I come home from work I just go to my room, read unemployment forums and later have a meltdown when my parents ask me what's wrong. I feel terrible for giving them a hard time when they are supporting me through this difficult period.

But I just feel so ANGRY about a world that would first ignore that there was always something "weird" about me, then diagnose it, and then ignore my efforts to join it. I apply for jobs in my field, research the agencies, work really hard on the cover letters/resumes, and then hear nothing. I apply to volunteer in places and am ignored or told they have enough volunteers. In one place, I disclosed that I had AS, and this was held against me when I was let go.

As the months go by more and more of my classmates find meaningful work, with me feeling more and more alone. My work is literally killing me - through the low wage and responsibility without any authority.

If I had known my life would have turned out like this I would have skipped the 8 years at university and gone straight to retail; at least I would have had a steady job when the economy collapsed.

You've only been out of school a month, and you aren't unemployed, you just don't like your job. However I don't think there's any reason to think that you're never going to find something better. I really do think you're being too hard on yourself. Perhaps in the future you can work with other people with AS. Do you know how many parents would "kill" to have someone who really understands their children with AS, work with them?

Chronos, thank you for your reply. Depression and discouragement come very easily to me.

Re: working with children that have AS, I have thought about this as a career goal. In Toronto there are a number of autism/Asperger's clinics, however I am not sure how to get into them without having experience with folks with Asperger's. The ads for places like Geneva Centre and Redpath Centre (where I got diagnosed) want workers with experience with AS/autism, not just those who have it.

I'd love to hear any tips on what are good volunteering opportunities for those who'd like to work with aspies/auties. Do you get involved with an association, or a clinic?

Yes I have but in my experience, disclosing the diagnosis means nothing to social agencies who want real "experience", i.e. have worked with individuals with AS/autism.

I don't agree, given the insights I have into the struggles, but when I'm up against 1000 other applicants for the job, I just don't hold up

Things are very hard for me at the moment. I'm on job-seekers but the government are getting very strict with the unemployed. I understand that on some aspects, because some people use the dole to live on and not bother to work. But some of us, like me, are looking for work but are that much more picky, because of my disability gets in the way of finding any work. Although I'm 20, I still haven't decided what I really want to do. I thought I wanted retail work, but I've had some work experiences in the past in retail, and I found it very stressful and overwhelming with all the customers (because of my difficulties with asking the customers things - I tend to get so tongue-tied when I'm talking to people who I don't know).
So then I thought about going into admin work, and I took a training course for it - which I found rather interesting. But the only problem with getting into admin work is it means just doing Monday to Friday shifts. I want to have a part time job, including working Sundays (because I always get lonely on Sundays and never know what to do with myself, and everyone else in my home is off and the atmosphere is noisy), and working three days in the week, any day, (because I don't mind having a couple of days off to myself in the week. I get so overwhelmed a lot, and also anxious, and I need time alone in the week to emotionally calm myself down. Having quiet time to myself is more important to me than working full time and getting just a bit more money.)

So is there any existing types of jobs where I can work including week-ends but don't have to be somewhere dealing with customers?