excuses people make for wanting nothing to do with me

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Every prospective friend I ever come across tells me they work every minute of every waking hour 7 days a week. Some even tell me they literally never sleep one minute and work 24/7. The most popular word choice is "I don't have time to visit/chat/etc."

Everyone who already knows ASL makes all of the abovementioned excuses plus more, so I take it they want nothing to do with me. Am I right or wrong?

I am said to have +15dB hearing sensitivity in both ears and 20/30 vision in both eyes. My hearing & visual impairments DO exist - they're completely neurological in the form of processing deficits caused by sensory processing disorder (SPD). To get around them, I call myself "functionally DeafBlind" and communicate using tactile American Sign Language (the same ASL used by sighted signers; I just read it by feeling it with my hands instead of watching). I wish the only Aspie woman I know in Santa Ana, CA, who I refer to as my adopted sister, wasn't the only SPD tactile signer other than me myself.

I need INTIMACY (of course, ALL NON-sexual). It's gotten to the point that I'm pushing away everyone who is unable and/or unwilling to get intimate with me even in non-sexual ways EXCEPT my adopted sister. But even non-sexual intimacy with her is very limited cuz 1) she has a boyfriend & 2) she is excessively busy.

The only people who show compassion and helpfulness towards me are those who don't know ASL, and of course I push them away cuz I can't fully communicate with them. I don't read very well. I only understand 3 to 10 percent of the words I read. I can't see motion either, so I can't learn by watching videos either. My language processing just doesn't do well with words in any form. Whoever teaches me what I need to know to secure a new relationship with a cuddle partner must know ASL and be in my presence signing to me at all times when trying to teach me.

I know the feeling.

By that I know the feeling of people who give me excuses that feel like they want nothing to do with me. I'm still getting over a pretty huge break up. Some days it stings, but I got a lot of my strength back and see that I don't need her as I thought I was. She bred poison into my blood and manipulated my mind making me feel like I was a horrible person. But the truth she was using me.

I believed her excuses because I was in love with her.

"I have a real life,"

But if she loved me and cared for me, I would be included in that real life.

Beyond that is my relationship with people. Ya know I give people whom I consider friends my e-mail and phone number when they ask for it. I expect them wanting to contact me. I expect to be contacted, if you're asking for my number or my e-mail then shouldn't that mean you want to contact me? And all I ever get is, "I'm sorry was busy", but then later on talking to my other friends, they have all been texting each other, but I was never included in any of the contact. Makes me what else they just leave me behind on.

I always feel like the invisible man. And I always feel like people are with me out of pity.

I truly understand what it feels like when you have burned so much after a while it sounds and becomes an excuse to you. It becomes empty promises, empty friendships. The loneliness and the pain of feeling like you're a nobody. That you're some ghost that no one cares about. Everyone cares about everyone else, but you.

I know how that feels.

But ya know what I do?

It might be the worse advice ever, but I don't let any of it stop me. I feel like maybe my way is extremely narrow focus way. But all I have decided in my life is my motivational life goal. And my motivational life goal is to make life better for beings like me. In this case I'm going to change the agro business, own that doesn't harm and hurt animals. Gives them the health and the welfare they need.
That's my goal. And any day I feel lonely and I feel like I have no one, I feel like I want to die. I remember my goal and move towards there.

If I fall in love going that path, then I fall in love.

But I'm tired of looking for people.

Instead I'll help those who like me, don't have anyone.

I think you need to find a goal like that. Though it may not work for you, you can try it.

Thank-you so much for your empathy ! I start wanting to die too, but I try to make sure the wrong people don't notice, cuz if they do, I'm right back to psychiatric oppression. I've tried every SSRI & atypical (antipsychotic) and none have put a ceiling on my highs or a floor on my lows. So meds ain't the answer for me...PER-I-OD!

I just remind myself of all the opportunities I'd lose if I did kill myself. Plus, my adopted sister says that if she found out I already died, she'd kill herself too. Uh-uh, man! I must avoid inciting her to do that! Whenever we do visit, she enjoys exchanging hugs with me. Now that she's succeeding at getting rid of her chronic physical pain more and more, she's hugging me tighter and more often, of course, when her boyfriend is not around. We don't believe he's the jealous type at all. But we do know he just started making peace with me recently and harmless behaviors like moving things in the living rooms of the condos where he has a "group home" really piss him off to the core. So we don't want him to return to conflict with me, and we're both Aspies, so we just hug behind his back.

I just can't leave myself in this situation. My good buddy in Twin Cities, MN, USA, tells me to look for a single, female tactile signer in Seattle, WA, USA. But there, if I even found one, she'd most likely be PHYSICALLY DeafBlind. I am NOT physically DeafBlind. But due to my processing deficits I AM the equivalent of Deaf & blind. I need someone who has the same processing deficits & lacks any physical loss of any sense, especially hearing or sight. That way she has the same point to prove as I have. I just know that tactile signing has yet to be popularized among people who are on the spectrum and/or have SPD.

For me its I make friend easily because I am funny but its a weird sick sense of humor where the people laughing at what I say and say Oh man thats messed up or I do not believe you said that. They seem like they can't get enough of what I say then all of a sudden they get bored of it then they stop keep coming around. Some of my close childhood or highschool friend's seemed to cut me off when they got married my f'd up sense of humor bit me in the butt. Oh well, I prefer to be alone anyways.

Ghost have a strange way of attracting each other to each other. I have empathy because I am a ghost and you're a ghost. That might sound a bit morbid, but in the real world thats how it is.

I guess so...it really doesn't make sense to me that you're calling yourself & me "ghosts".

In the sense that I believe, well from my own experiences, I have become an observer.

Okay I'm horrible at explaining.

Because we've been given the excuses we have been given, because we've been put in the social situations we have. We have learned to be more, more aware of people's motivations.

Instead of being actively involved socially, we've become a social observer instead.