I'm always the one that has to be "sorry"...

Post Reply New Topic

...and I'm sick of it.

Friends, family, and peers, they always have to pin point where I'm wrong and give me the cold shoulder until I apologize to them. These people however tend to be hypocrites of their own nature who never own up to committing these same mistakes to me. Yet when I tell them how much they hurt me, they'll say "whatever" and throw the situation back at me and point out my faults. Some even laughed at me for being upset.

I just don't get this, if they're so right and I'm so wrong why do they never find remorse or regret for how they treat me when I get remorseful to the point of killing myself for them? Why do all the people who ever wronged me get away from it...a boy who psychologically tormented me in 8th grade with false declarations of love for me was considered "the perfect kid" at school. Yet there's nothing perfect about a kid who treats me like this at my most vulnerable. Even more that my friends will have a tendency to play along with the cruelty or get critical of me. It was my hope one day to see this guy again so I can really let em have it for taking advantage of me when I lost and confused and years away from being diagnosed with AS. Unfortunately he died in 2006. That's not Karma. That's getting away with how he treated me and dying without an ounce of remorse. And seeing that he was Catholic, I doubt that he would've been set to Purgatory and probably would've gotten away with the "boys will be boys" excuse that the rest of society lets jerks like him get away with anyway.

Roommates who yelled at me everyday were constantly breaking dormitory rules in my presence and showed me very little courtesy that they constantly demanded I give them. I won't say anymore about that. I will say that one of these roommates I wished I had develop more nerve to stand up to because I recently found that she cheated on her fiancée of plus 10 years and decided to dump him anyway even though he was going to forgive her for the infidelity and run off with her new beau to another state. As awful as she was to me, I never expected her to be the kind of person who would stoop that low so it was rather shocking to learn about this to say the least. I'm sure her fiancee is starting to realize that he let her get away with alot in their longtime relationship than he should have as well.

An there there's my former college best friend the gullible naive one that everyone around me never dared to make fun of. She's was always the sweet one and had a tendency to be there when others laughed at me and did nothing to interfere. Her boyfriend made some serious threats to me and called me a whore and all she could was say "that wasn't very nice" of him to do that. Yup that's how she defends me, the friend who humiliated herself for her, the friend who was there for her when she was reeling with guilt after throwing herself at another man during a drunken stupor. After all of that, she leaves town and makes excuses for not coming to visit that she expects me to buy and understand. And then she never calls or emails me to at least ask me why I'm not contacting her as much. Only makes a point to care if I say I'm going to kill myself. She just doesn't get it. A best friend is not someone who only comes to you only when it's a life or death situation but that's how she sees it.

Let's not forget the ex boyfriend who dumped me to go back to his ex for another week and spend the remainder of my college years harassing me and ridiculing me in public.

These are all people who constantly get away with what they do to me without apologizing yet they all along with others insist that I should be the sorry one for wronging them when I do. Don't you just love living in a planet that's full of hypocrisy?

Everything is your fault. As long as you remember that, and accept that, it becomes a little bit easier to deal with. You can't blame them any more than you would blame a dog for biting the mailmans ass.

I agree I'm sick of always having to be the one to say sorry

Hypocrisy is right. It's no wonder that some people do just give up on society when it seems that all you encounter are jerks, liars and all-around hateful people who seem to get off on hurting you.

Around 8th grade I stopped caring. Now, I take people as they are--some are nice, some aren't, and those that aren't I simply don't bother with.

I'm sorry all that happened to you. I hope you eventually encounter some of the nice ones (yes, they do exist, they're just hard to find).

You should NEVER have had to apologize for ANY of that. Not a thing.