Yet another suicidal aspie...

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Not that it amounts to anything new.... I was doing really last year, until I went to see a doctor about my headaches. I had my own home and was close to making "partner" in the group I was working for. I had bought a car and was completely self sufficient. I was lonely, but I had my work. Early in December I suffered a brain injury secondary to a surgical procedure to correct the vascular tumor in my brain. Since then I've lost the ability to work, drive, and even care for myself. I've lost the ability communicate verbally. My life is dictated now, by medical appointments and medications and the side effects of those. My quality of life has declined to close to zero. I suffer incontinence, I have seizures, there is no interaction with anyone but my mother and this laptop.

This is not my life. I have become so very irrelevant in the world and now only exist as a burden to my parents. I keep looking for a reason.... but I can't find anything to look forward to.


I just needed to say it. That's all.

Sorry to hear this, hope all goes well with you. I have had struggles with the same and somehow life is getting better.

And I thought I had it bad with my radiotherapy and brain tumor...

Respect!

I you require some advice, let me know.

Cheerfully,
Wallourdes

I have tremendous respect for you as well as at least a partial understanding of what you are going through. I can tell you that life can, and will, get better. However, you are in a tremendous adjustment period that will take quite some time to "complete". I have known people who have blindness rather suddenly and/or have suffered hearing loss. People suffering losses like yours have been, in a small way, fortunate for the use of technology to still be able to communicate. Judging by your statements I suspect you are quite adept at communicating.

If you are looking for inspiration, I would certainly suggest looking at the lives of people like Stephen Hawking and Michael J Fox. Both of these individuals have relied on communication all their lives only to lose their learned methods. In turn, they have turned to technologies in an effort to continue their lives in ways they never imagined.

I very much understand you have gone through a tremendous amount of trauma and loss. I simply believe that suicide is not the answer. There are ways of dealing with life's challenges and even surmounting them.

I wish you the best and hope things will turn around and get much better for you.

thank you all for the positive feedback.

Hang in there. I had refractory seizures for much of my adult life but now have them only when I have a high fever or severe sleep deprivation. I didn't drive between age 19 and 35. Sucks, but it still may improve.

~Kate

If u need someone to talk to. I am here

taking a step back and re-evaluating things. I am still in that frame of mind, but I am trying to focus on as much recovery as possible before making a permanent choice. I have some short term goals (that are reasonable for someone in my basic condition) and will take it from there.

It is very hard to accept this situation. I am a firm believer in everyone's right to decide when they've met their limits of mental or physical pain. (if they're sane, of course). I feel like I am nearing my limit. Actually the personal stories some of you have shared have helped me to decide on seeing if I can accomplish these few goals. I need to see minor improvements in cognitive and motor skills, not miracles, but improvements. I lack patience.

I'm glad to hear you haven't yet made a permanent choice. I've worked with clients who are in a similar position as you, but don't think I can even begin to imagine what you are going through, especially with losing verbal communication. I hope you will continue to stay in touch with us here through this site and use it as an outlet, while you work on your recovery. I wish you lived within my agency's service range in Central PA, so there was more I could do to help!

Oh, don't give up now, while you're still young. :\ Give life a little bit more of a chance think positively. If you can't think of anything, you aren't trying hard enough. You have so much ahead of you.

I did want to say Thank You again for all of the positive thoughts and stories.

I am not making huge amounts of progress, but have managed some little progress in speech.
I doubt if I hadn't changed my attitude and stopped my pity party that I would be able to "moo" at my mom right now! (my only verbal word so far, haha. (but a start)

So, thank you all for helping me to find motivation.

I admire and respect you greatly for your outlook. I have been on anti depressants on and off since my early teens add to that my headaches and periodical shaking which possibly outlines other neurological conditions. Just knowing you can be optimistic makes me feel better.

New here... hello hyperbole, et al!

I am an Aspie recovering from a brain injury-- less severe than yours, but with pervasive/life changing effects.

I have learned a lot about brain injury since my most recent traumatic brain injury. (I am qualified as a "second-event head injury case" with my most recent injury Oct. 2009).

Hope this helps you, friend-- I am very depressed right now and just the fact that you are here and posting is an encouragement to ME. You are already inspiring me to hang in there, with your attempt at the light side. You keep on 'moo-ing' and I believe you will be able to see progress as you 'moove' forward!

Here's my list of things I've learned:
1. Progress in brain injury comes slowly sometimes, quickly in some instances. Don't give up hoping for improvement even in the distant future. a number of stories I've read tell of huge leaps at years 4-6 of recovery. It all has to do with "neuroplasticity"...look that one up rather than me trying to define! LOL!

2. Brain injured individuals with cognitive/functional losses often report continued improvement as they rest more, decrease stress exposures and work for improvement in small steps.

IT MAY BE BEST to take an "easy does it" approach. The same brain that will re-learn lost skills will also need REST! So, be gentle and gracious to your wonderful brain that has served you in your life, and consider treating it like a toddler who needs lots of patience and repetition to get things right. Repetition is our friend! (It's interesting to me that this is how so many sprectrumites survive, too. Repetition and imitation are how I have decoded this planet so far).

3. Insist on the best neuropsych evaluation you can get. Check out articles on brain injury, find out who in your locale is an expert and is writing advocacy or informative articles on brain injury treatment. Contact the brain injury foundations in your country/state and get a case manager to help you get medical coverage, assessment, therapy services.

4. Plan on being creative to solve your daily challenges/learning/skills. I have memory loss issues, so I am using a notebook, I expect less of myself in communications skills and I disclose to people about my need for help in certain situations.

I know that your losses and grief are very recent and my heart reaches out to you Hy. I am wondering if you have ever sung? Have you tried singing a word? Sometimes, music will help reach and use a different part of your brain. (more on this in another post if you request more information-- I am a former recording artist/musician and have some thoughts on how you might work on vocalizing...I will come back to this discussion thread to check if you want more info).

I hope that I haven't been too detailed and/or a frustration to you in sharing this info. Research and information is how I have dealt with my immune deficiency, my husband's-childrens'- my autism issues and most recently, my brain injury!

Sending super-warm and positive energy to you...

Autiemuse/sharon

I hate my neurosurgeon but my dad says he's the best. My dad is my neurologist and my mom is my psychiatrist, so I'm v. lucky to have them. In a nother sense I feel that forced to abide by their choices. (well i am due to giving them POA) In all that I've looked at online and that I know from the group I used to work with, I'm in good hands. I am just v. frustrated and lacking in patience. I have a v. important event in mid february and want to be walking, speaking and able to hold my bladder by then. minimum.

After a severe illness, I did lose the ability to speak intelligbly and have not regained it.

But as you continue on, you develop alternate methods of coping.

I also have pain, but try to distract myself to rise above it.

I hope that everything gets better for you.