Can't stop worsening my situation

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I figure I might as well lay it down on the line here the real specifics behind my current unemployment situation and why I've been feeling so suicidal as a result.

So here's the truth:

I'm near a grand in credit card debt and now I'm sucking away what few hundred I have to keep up with minimal payments on a bad habit I've been forming for the past few years...lying to my parents about going exercising and going out to eat instead. I've gone from around 120 lbs to almost 140 lbs in the course of 5 years. When I was the Medical Coding and Billing School I constantly went out to lunch between classes (sometimes would skip classes). I couldn't eat in the breakroom because of all the noise and the people.

At least it's not a drug addiction but it might as well be. I cant remember the last time I had a day where I didn't drink soda.

I don't have a job btw which makes these problems all the more worse. My issues with the outside world make me unable to want to work or even get a job knowing I will fail any application or interview process I go to.

I've stopped taking care of my skin and I have scars all over from pimple and scab picking.

And to top it off, in the past week I've been spending over $20 in lotto games. I don't normally play Lotto and I was just in a crazy mood. Didn't win a single thing btw. Even if I do break free of what could easily become a gambling addiction, my food spending addiction is still hurting me and my finances. I can't let my parents know about my debt or they'll kill me.

I feel trapped or otherwise sinking deeper into my hole. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't had the $1000 debt on my shoulders. I would've controlled my spending during my time at the Medical Coding and Billing school if I had known I would be in a severe state of paranoia and anxiety over getting a job. I have too many bad botches in my employment record (few references and firings for committing violations) going against me. Even if my parents weren't conservative libertarians who oppose relying on the government for anything I likely would not be able to apply for any unemployment or disability benefits.

I just don't know what to do. I'm scared of what will happen when I can no longer pay the minimal monthly payments on the credit card debt. I know my credit rating is tarnished but I'm more concerned about the money I already owe. I'm paranoid I may go to jail or something.

So there ya go.

They can't send you to jail for being late on your credit card payments. At worst you will have to put up with harassing phone calls from debt collectors, and a bad mark on your credit rating.

It sounds like you're doing a lot of behaviors to cope with your stress, but those behaviors are the cause of even more stress. Maybe if you come clean to your parents the added stress of fearing they will find out will be lifted off your shoulders, and they may help you pay off the balance before your credit is ruined. (You say they will kill you, but you also mentioned wanting to kill yourself so you don't have anything to lose, do you?)

Try buying some easy-to-prepare foods that you can make/eat between classes so you don't have to go out. If you can't stand eating with people you can always go outside. As for the debt stop buying lottery tickets and save any money you are earning to pay your debts. I myself try to limit eating out to approx. once a month or less (sometimes 2 meals out in one day but only once every few months when going on day trips w/ friends). Also, set a price limit for what you're willing to pay for a meal when you go out (mine is $5-10 depending on the place but usually $6-7.50).

Eating in the breakroom was just stressful cuz all of my breaks fell around lunchtime and it's a small breakroom that gets super packed whenever it was my break.

My other trigger is that it's hard to eat at home. Sometimes my dad is around. Other times he's not. I can't cope with eating the same very cheapened food at home everyday or I feel too compelled to go out to eat everytime I wake up...especially when my mom is forcing me to go and work out.

I can kick the Lotto habit. I'm too paranoid about winning and all the negative stigma that comes behind it. Making more of an effort to eat at home during lunch time is my real challenge though.

It seems to me that you know what you need to do. The real problem is how to do it effectively so that you get clear of your debt and have better control of some of your habits. You are unlikely to go to jail for a debt on $1000 but you might end up with debt collectors harassing you. I don't imagine that's a lot of fun.

Regardless of how difficult it might be, you have to stop the gambling. You have to control your eating. You have to be honest with those who love you.

Admitting to the problem to your parents if a good first step. This makes it out in the open where you can't pretend there isn't a problem. You may find that they might be able to provide helpful advice or encouraging support when you are having a particularly bad day.

Think about why you eat too much or why you gamble. I eat too much when I am feeling depressed and want the comfort of food. I don't know about gambling, but I would assume it's because it gives you a sense of hope that something will fix the problem.

So what are the things you can do instead of eating too much? Or instead of gambling? You could try paying off your credit card debt at greater the minimum charge. I know that whenever I have debt, I feel better when I pay more than the minimum. When it comes to eating, maybe you can make a deal with yourself that you can have a particular meal when you have done some specific amount of exercise. It's not the greatest way to do it, but it could help control it.

At any rate, no matter what, if you want to stop gambling, stop it. If you want to control your eating, you have to control it. These choices are fairly simple and direct. But it's much easier to do when you have the support of others. Getting that support is what you really need to work on. Talk with your parents or friends and be honest with them. It won't cure your problems overnight, but it is part of the process of fixing them in the future.

Good luck.

Yeah it was a crazy obsessiveness I developed over the past week thinking that winning the lottery is the only means of me being able to financially support myself for the rest of my unemployable life. Read a lot of news stories on the good and bad. In fact the big Powerball jackpot was last night. I had bought $10 worth of tickets and during the night I was terrified at the thought of winning because people have been known to be jealous jerks who will often rob or murder lottery winners. That will help me put an end to my gambling addiction.

And I do pay more than the minimum on occasion. Usually pay around $40(monthly min)-$100 a month depending on what's in my current bank account. My eating problem is more severe though. I just lose the ability to go workout anymore. It becomes too much work to prep for working out and dealing with the sensories of working out in a gym. I have an easier time walking outdoors but you know it's January and it's cold and icy out.

I know I shouldn't be making excuses. The food spending habit is gonna be hell to get rid of though. Thanks for the advice though. I may just have to ask for a little moola and keep the request for money small and occasional.

hi raisedbyignorance

I agree with the comments already posted.

I would also suggest reading books about budgeting and maybe visiting a budget advisor.
They are able to give good advice and help set up payments and so on. I know this can be challenging, but I for one would rather see that person than my parents ! : )

I know I am bad with money and have to be careful not to max out my budget. If it's there, I spend it. This is a common problem. It does cause me a lot of worry though. I am using budget tools now, like the ones on numbers (mac software), and this helps a lot because I have to count everything and the program shows me a graph over time, etc.

I'm sorry.
I think your parents are wrong, and if you're in hardship you should do what you can to apply for assistance. You don't need to tell them - I'm in a different country so I don't know the procedure - but there must be someone you can talk to for free?