Feeling rather paranoid

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I hate feeling like I have to attempt to be normal to avoid bad consequences...and well its a little hard. I feel like everyone can see right through any attempts I make to appear at least kind of normal. And I mean if i fail college again and can't get approved for the SSI and medicaid (which I am working on right now) then I will be in debt with loans/grants and have no source of income at all...then of course I was uncomfortable even applying for those because I am worried about things like mental problems being on record I mean whats to say that information is not used for some not so great purpose. I don't even know why I would be worried about any of that, I mean as far as I know unless your threatening to harm someone or yourself no one can really do anything about if you seem weird. I would hope at least. but then there is the concern of having some sort of bad moment in class or just generally in public. Like my mind seems to be getting creative with the PTSD......now instead of just reliving the feelings every time a noise(like someone dropping their bag or a book in the hall) startles me I feel the need to look out the small windows on the door because I know that there's going to be someone ready to shoot everyone in the classroom.....yeah when I look that's not the case but its a bit upsetting that I can actually visualse it...I never actually saw anyone get shot in the first place so I don't know why my mind would take it that far. yeah its a little distracting, just needed to rant a bit.

you probably see it on TV and in films and it carries over.

& as for attempting to be normal - that never worked so well for me either.

Its possible, but I hardly watch t.v and well I don't really let most movies go to my head.........unless its a really good movie like fight club and i agree with points it made. I just hate feeling like I have to watch my back all the time its obnoxious.

Same here.
It's why I rarely go out.
Even when I know logically people aren't watching me I still feel in my heart that they are. D:
I have to be constantly reassured it's okay and i'm not important enough for anyone to be looking at me!

Yeah that tends to be how it goes.....I might know something from a logical prespective, but that does not stop the feeling. but yeah i might feel like people are not only looking at me weird but like they are analazing me or something waiting for me to do something. uhh chances are no one has bothered, but I can't get the thought out of my head.

It's weird how that happens isn't it?
It makes me so damn nervous all the time when i'm in an environment I don't like.

It is worse if I am in an environment that makes me uncomfortable......but sometimes in usually comfortable environments when I'm by myself I feel like theres another precense. That actually happened last night, I kept feeling like someone was sitting in a chair across the room and kept looking to see if there was and of course there was no one.