Has anyone ever felt

Post Reply New Topic

like they were strait ret*d and conscious of it? i know I do.People look at me like I'm disgusting and stupid when they don't even know anything about me. I live my life knowing every little thing about myself, every interest, thought, and dirty secret. Every Little thing that made me a great human being(In my opinion) seems to get ignored because I have outbursts I cant control, I have stupid tics, and I come off as some rude prick because of the aspergers. I try to be super nice all the time but it gets me nowhere. I always make mistakes and I get called stupid and ret*d for something I cant help. I lie to my therapist telling her Im doing good and I'm taking my meds even though i've been trying super hard for the longest time and I always forget to take em. I feel like a ret*d concious of his mental defect. Straterra makes me suicidal too but everyone thinks its the best thing for me even though I don't wanna take it. People have lied to me about not being able to hang out just to avoid me. The only girlfriend I ever had tried lying to me 4 times about why she broke up with me. I really don't know what to do anymore. To top it all off I'm not going to have a home to live in in a few weeks. And whenever Iget depressed like this I really wanna hurt someone badly. I wish i could go down the street and find the nearest thug PoS who laughs at me and pound his face into the asphalt until the I'm covered in grey matter. I want his mother to see his faced caved in. I feel very strange and I just wish i was normal. I just want to be a happy person.

Listen to me VERY CAREFULLY!

Sit down, close your eyes and scream, sounds weird but it might work.

First thing in the morning call your therapist, ask to see her ASAP. Tell her everything that you have typed verbatim.

This may sound drastic, but you may have to request inpatient mental health care.

Don't do anything you might regert later and STAY CALM!

Hope that helps Mon Frere.

no

Well... None of us here are normal by the world's standards. I've been in your shoes, having to live with hurtful ridicule and and contempt. I don't know exactly what to say that in the short term would make you feel better.
But you wrote that you will soon be without a place to live. What is that about? I have to think this is a big part of why the world seems to be imploding around you.
You also mentioned your music. Does this give you enough solace in order to cope? Are you a serious musician, or just an amateur? Either way, it may be what saves you in the end.

-Bill, otherwise known as Kraichgauer

The thing is, we think what we think and believe what we believe.

Yes, if you're NT, other people play in that too. If you're like us, the idea of other people plays in that too, and the (mostly negative) feelings we induce in other people do as well, indirectly.

But at bottom it's all down to the individual. We choose what to believe and how far to let it drive us. Really...

I am both. It seriously is my only reason for living and forever will be. Yes, my parents are putting all this stress on me to find work and I keep screwing up and getting distracted. My dad thinks it should be easy for me to get a job, but it is really hard. Earlier i thought I had 2 job interviews and they ended up being scams. That and envy for some prick of a guitar player who is overglorified and generic, as well as my friends who all seem to be perfectly capable of having normal(social) lives. My inability to communicate drove me over the edge. I don't even know how long it took me to figure out how to write this.

I really didn't understand what you meant here.

also PM, sorry for taking my frustrations out on you. You didn't deserve that, even if it didn't make any sense.

@Ari Its all good, is everything ok now?

BTW check the other thread.

yeah, I'm a little shaky, but my mind is clear. Need to get some sleep. This thing lasted forever and It's 3:30 in the morning where I am at right now.

Ari, I'm just going to move this thread to the Haven. It would be better placed there.