A world of confusion

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I've been struggling for the longest time and now I've truly come to the point where I dunno what to do or what to think anymore. I have lost what little sense of direction I had. I have so many problems I dunno where to begin at times.

My sense of identity has always been really blurry. I feel like I truly dunno who I am or who I should be. I can't predict what I'm gonna feel or think next. I often end up doing, thinking, or feeling the opposite of what I expect. I know for a fact I'm a moody person, but strange thing is sometimes my mood swings are minute to minute and other times I feel one way for a few hours, then feel another way for a few hours and so on. I'm never sure about my beliefs, what I want outta life, who I'm hanging with, etc.

What's even stranger is that I never have a clear idea of who other people are either. I'm constantly trying to make sense out of this. Because of this, I am really paranoid about others and I don't trust myself either. I'm never completely sure what people think of me or how to predict the way they think.

I do struggle with social anxiety, but this is so weird it can't just be that or low self esteem (matter of fact my self esteem is unpredictably high or low). Both of these things at least have consistency. But nothing in my world ever feels consistent or clear. I never have the same response to a specific situation. I could be perfectly calm, and then when I'm in that same situation again I feel terrified for no apparent reason.

Why am I so confused about everything? Why don't I ever know what I want or need?

Sorry I can't answer your questions but *awkward aspie hug*

Right now you do know you need and want some answers, but I do understand what you mean there.

The world in which we live never feels consistent or clear simply because it is not. And as to not feeling the same way each time we are in a given situation, that happens because we sometimes expect too much consistency even from within ourselves.

Overall, the consistency and clarity we so desperately need and want is something that comes from and within our relationships with our family members and close friends ... and therein lies one of our greatest challenges in life.