How can i change this?

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I have suspiciouns that i might have borderline personality disorder. and that i developed it when i was 18/19?

3 years ago i was a likeable guy that bringed out the best in people. today i am quite a hateful person that everybody seems too hate. Even i know that i have changed as a person since i was 18. in fact i noticed a problem in the way my friends and family started to treat me when i turned 19 years old. my brother said i became horrible when i was 17. anyway how i can get back to being that well liked guy i was when i was 18 that everyone enjoyed to be around? I must have a much more unpleasent personality than i used too perhaps? i am always angry and feel vindicitive towards others a lot for various reasons.

Its just upsetting that people really are not nice to me and think i am unpleasent today yet when i was 18 people really were nice and loving towards me. Litterally aunts and uncles who were loving and treated very nicely when i was younger just competely igore me and cannot stand to be around me these days


Litteraly people who i remember that used too be really nice to me i would meet them again today and they would treat me really badly compared to how they used to 3 or 5 years ago. People who i thought i could depend to be there for me and always like just have no time to be friendly or pleasent to me now. Only a few people that i know are still nice to me but MOST are not. Its is really annoying. i was a lot happier 3 years ago and today i always angry and misrable a lot maybe thats why?

I wish I could give you a magical cure all answer, but without knowing more it's very difficult to give particular advice. It's possible you've developed depression - that can cause you to become angry and unpleasant and irritable, and then others react badly, causing you to become more depressed and your behaviour worsens, and so on and so forth. That's only one possibility though. I think the best thing to do would be to find a good psychologist to discuss it all out properly and then they can develop a plan for you to get back on track. Mental ruts like you describe can be very debilitating - for ages I suffered a mental rut of a different type to you; I was so consumed with self loathing that it took over my life; the more I hated myself, and put myself down, the more difficult I made it for the people around me who felt they had to constantly try to prop up my self esteem, and thus the more I hated myself for it. Plus, self hate is addictive and can very easily become an automatic coping mechanism (which it did for me). It took me a long time to pull myself out of it, but I think I was only able to start recovering and monitoring and fixing my own thoughts once I knew what was going on, that it was maladaptive, and why it was maladaptive.

Yeah i am just shocked when i meet people who were ever so loving and friendly tome when i was younger and i meet them today and they just can't stand being around me.

incredible how i can go from a lovable guy to a hateful guy in only a three year time span

things can change, but they can also change back. The best thing you can do is to try and determine what you're saying/how you're expressing that is upsetting people and then try to monitor it. It must be hard to feel this way *hugs*

Hey Jamesy. I did try to give advice regarding your anxiety and worrying about your height. I really think, if it's possible, to try and seek professional help. You seem to be going through what I went through when I was your age. My mind was only occupied by my "situation" ie. how I look, how different I am to everyone else, how people treat me, and all the unfortunate circumstances I have to deal with. I still have those thoughts to this day, but my meds have helped me to focus on the most important thing - and that is, anything but myself.

Mulling over past events and trials, questioning why people do this and that, just keeps you longer in the rut. You're 21 now, and it's important to start focusing on the more important things like your job and/or studies. Keeping in mind about yourself all the time will damage you more than you think. So try and maintain some form of positive focus.

I genuinely hope you take heed of this advice, coz i can tell you from experience that it will make you feel happier.

What do you mean damage me more than i think?

I think what I_wanna_blue is getting at is that your stuck in an vicious circle, only you & you alone can brake that circle.
Do you what to brake the vicious circle?

I probably need medication and therapy to fix the problem

Great that's the first step to breaking the cycle
I what going to quote Confucius about taking a single step but I found this quotation that I feel is more approbate for you.

Yes that's what I meant thanks for responding cd



Mot probably that is true. The main thing to understand is that we're are always preoccupied with the state we are in, and the hardship it brings, and about wanting to change/fix it. The area that actually needs fixing is our inability to focus on anything besides our "situation". If you understand that you're probably half way to getting better.

Is it possible for you to seek the help you need, Jamesy? Can you afford it, and how do you think people around you will respond to you getting treatment?

My parents say medication is just not a good idea because it can have bad long term side effects.

One thing I struggle as well is anger and just thinking too much. with todays technology you can even learn anger management or have therapy on the internet.

Well the long term effects of meds can be harmful, but it also depends on the way your body learns to cope with it. Yours may end up being better equipped than others and the only real way to see how it goes, is to actually try them. If you see very negative responses from your body as a result , then you should stop them. But you have to give them a try. Speculating I'm afraid is not enough in order to judge it's worth or harm. You have to try them with the help of a professional, and together monitor your progress.

Then again, a professional may feel that medication is not necessary at all, and you may go through the process without it. As I said just speculating what's harmful or beneficial is just not good enough for progress.

If you can get therapy on the web, then you should give it a go but it's probably best to use this as a last resort, if nothing else could be used.

As for your anger, it's probably as a result of living in a very restrictive state of mind. Basically being caved in by certain disadvantages. "I can't do this, because I don't have that", "If only I had that" etc. If you can break free from that I'm sure your anger and frustration will subside.