Problem with a Friend (?)
29 May 2011, 4:51 pm
Friend is followed by a question-mark because I'm not sure if he's my friend anymore.
Okay, so anyways - there's this guy, a fellow writer - and I've known him since high-school. Back then we were acquaintances, we fell out of contact for a couple years, and met back up again in college. While in college, we formed a pretty close friendship - well, as close of a friendship as this guy has probably ever formed. He's antisocial, and at the point that we got close he had probably a sum total of NO FRIENDS. He also became good friends with my artist-friend, and we were an awesome trio full of hilarity and silliness, man, we were a TEAM. We chatted on messenger all the time, took classes together on purpose, went to the movies together - being creative types, we made each other birthday gifts. He'd talk to me on messenger in a separate window from the one with our artist friend, and in that window he would tell me deep, personal things. He's gay and me and the artist friend were the only ones who knew - but with me he told me all about his love life - he told me about his past, deep traumatic things. I honestly don't think he's ever told anybody but me these things. There was a point where I honestly considered him my best friend. He was withdrawn sometimes and wouldn't talk for a few weeks, and I am the same way sometimes so I understood. But gradually he withdrew more. Our little trio became broken up into a duo and this one guy who was there only in thought.
The last semester that he took college, we were in Mythology together and things were just awkward. I think he even mentioned it to me, how things were awkward, weren't the same. This is around the same time his online boyfriend, a man he pretty much thought was his soul-mate, broke up with him - I don't have that great of a memory, but I'm pretty sure it was around the same time.
He dropped out of college, stopped talking to me and our artist friend. I wanted to call him or go visit but he gets really uncomfortable when I do that, due to what I am sure is social phobia. He also seems to be embarrassed of his family, who are homophobic and really low-class (and I don't think they know he's gay). I wasn't sure what to do. I tried talking to him the few times he was on messenger and just . . . it didn't work, it was like the spark was gone. It was awkward, stiff, not like it used to be.
It's been a few months now since we've talked like we used to - in about three more months, it'll be a year. It's been only a few weeks since we last talked, and when we did it was fine, stiff and lacking that spark but fine - but I think he blocked me right after. Our artist friend said he was on a couple nights later but he didn't appear online for me, and my messenger bugs out sometimes but I'm pretty sure he blocked me.
I really do still care about him and worry about him, a lot. I just don't know how to get through to him, what to say. I'm scared that, if I openly ask him what's up, what's wrong, he'll just tell me to leave him alone and that he never wants to talk to me again, tell me he blocked me, for whatever reason. I love this person, a lot, and this is killing me, this thing he's doing or going through or whatever it is. I'm not good with communicating, especially in situations like this, so I have no idea what to do. What should I do?
UPDATE: Nevermind, solved. I got up the courage to talk to him and he's been all wrapped up in his own writing and being a loner. I still suspect he's depressed though.
