omg I hate having these memories...

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I wish I had a freaking delete button. A year ago I was in the process of making the memories, stupid enough to think I might be able to be happy. Now I just want them gone, because they'll never be reality again and that knowledge is painful. People always do this to me, throw me away. I shouldn't even care any more, and I don't know why I do. It'll just happen again. And I'm stuck here in this rotten, f*cked up world because my kids need me so I can't even take the coward's way out.

I hate this. I hate my stupid, worthless, f*cked up life. Most of all, I hate memories, because they torture me with what I can't have.

at least someone needs you?

Sorry Meow. I understand. I have my fair share of memories which I'd love nothing more than to wipe out completely. Where are those men in black with their nice pens & dark sunglasses anyway? Memories can be so painful, & it seems the more painful, the more they persist in our minds. I guess the best thing to do is make better more pleasant memories so the bad ones fade away.

Hugs,


Tomboy

Like "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"? Yeah, wanting that really sucks. Sorry to hear that.

There is one thing I'd be very tempted to erase permanently from my memory. It was a good thing at the time, the best thing of my life ever, really. And then it was gone, and now I'm stuck knowing what I'm missing, and not able to get it again. I sometimes think I was better off before, not knowing -- even if it meant the good memories would be lost (since they are most often a source of pain, since).

I don't know why the world and human beings are designed so that it's possible to feel trapped in burning pain like that. If I ever meet g-d I'll kick him in the nuts for it.

My loss is different than yours, IIRC, but I've found over years (way too many, though) that the pain has lessened some. At first, I couldn't 'process' the experience at all because thinking about it would require remembering it, which would bring on so much pain as to blot out any ability to think. It still sucks in so many ways, though. It's hard to see what the good is in having the human mind designed this way.

There are also some parts of my life that I would love to delete.

I'm sorry.

Aaaaargh!! !!

The stupid memories won't stop.

http://youtu.be/RlKXa5IBW7M

~Kate

I know how you feel. There are lots of things in my life that I wish I could just erase too.

Sending you virtual hugs!

Arrrrgh! It's happening again...obsessing about these stupid memories and I can't sleep! I hate this. I wish people would freaking take the time to explain exactly why they don't want to continue a friendship or other relationship instead of just refusing to talk. I HATE THIS. If I had a nickel for every time people have said "just get over it" I could retire WAY early! I CAN'T. Damn. Last time this happened it took years. I hate myself. I hate AS. I hate it all. I wish my kids didn't need me so I could just end it.

((((((((hugs))))))) I am sorry, hope you manage to get some sleep tonight. It can be very difficult to know what goes on in someone elses head, i know.

I absolutely HATE this! I've been trying to put these memories out of my head for WEEKS now and I can't. When I succeed during the day I f*cking DREAM at night. I can't kill myself because my kids need me and they never asked to be born. I can't even drink all the time for the same reason. I am TRAPPED in this goddamned obsessive hell. I am so f*cking sick of putting one foot in front of the other because I have no other choice.

I hate my life.

~Kate