It seems i have a problem... or is it really that bad? help!

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Well then... This is a hard thing to admit but it should do no harm... I hope.

What would you think if I told you there is a person who I feel is very close to me... but she only exist in my mind?
I can't say her name... altough it might not be a bad idea to say that...
but I plan to make her the main character of a book I am writing so that's why I can not say the name...
I wonder if this girl in my mind is why I am writing a book? or if I am writing a book for some other reason.

I have always seen her face when i fall asleep for quite a few years.
it's a pretty face so you know... but there is a unique and very intresting personality to her...
her hair and eyes are a matching color that does not appear on any real humans... but it is naturall for her...
I think I am obbssesed with a certain shade of the color purple... becuase the girl in my mind always wears that color...
but i don't own a purple shirt and I wouldn't where one... i just seem to like that color...

I know it was my creative mind that made her... maybe it means i'm too creative for my own good? i certianly hope not...
So am I just going mad or is this perhaps of such great importance to me that I try to feel like like that girl is real?

I guess it could be I be a freak for feeling so close to someone who only exist in my own mind.

(here is a different issue that could play a part in this somehow...) I aslo think my mind could easily be considered sick or disturbing... at any given time but not all the time...
this can be caused by any number of things (i'd hope that doesn't effect anyones opinion to much... it could just be a seperate issue)


So... I'm I wrong to feel this way... is my creativity making me do this or is it my desire for a close reationship? maybe both?
does this mean she's my "imagainary friend" I am an adult is it so wrong?

just one more thing... I with my mind I have created an entire town of people... so... I did mention something like that on another post.
call it my fantasy world if you will... but that's not the issue...

why do I have to feel like I can only belong around those people in my mind who don't really exist...

The girl a mentioned earlier is the most common for me to interact with... not aloud I do not talk to her like she's there...
most nights when I'm asleep I talk to and interact with her and others in what is sort of a dream that I have more control over.

then there are other nights where my thoughts become uncontrolable
and it is ethier a horrific nightmare or disturbing images that I want to get away from... (a part of the other issue mentioned)
the nightmares often involve scary bugs... please do not ask what kind of bugs and do not mention them it will not help at all.

has anyone else experienced something like this... if not what do you think of it... is it bad or is there real meaning to it?
it has been happening for almost as long as i've been alive... i think.

Yes .

When I was being bullied at school, I created a series of fantasy worlds to live in, the final one being the most intense.

Actually, I don't think I've emphasised this enough - to me, the fantasy world was real, and the real world was just a dream I was trapped in. I genuinely was my character in the FW, and even now, after years of therapy to reintegrate me, I still feel her. I don't rely on her as much as I once did, but she's always there, my invisible friend .

I was absolutely and utterly in love with her, to an intense degree. Non-sexually, but just pure adoration. She was truly perfect .

Damn, now I miss her .

I don't see a single thing wrong with it. I'd be more concerned if the person was real, you get a lot of people who obsess over others and do things like that in order to get their attention.

You're doing no one any harm here, you're able to distinguish reality from fantasy and you're exercising creative thought processes.. sounds nothing but positive to me.

Heck iirc, the writer of twilight did something very similar >.>

So then, it does effect me emoitanally simetimes... but it's true that i know real from fantasy.
anyone who can relate to this is welcome to post here.

i do wonder if i worry to much about this sort of thing.
or if the way my mind works is actaully trying to effect me.... maybe it makes me write my book and draw my characters better?
that would be a benifit of this right?
is it Ok to feel like those characters are more like living people then just a picture made up without real reason?
they mean alot to me... even when I don't have any recent or complete artwork to show myself.
I can always see them in my mind.

i can't post images of my drawings of the girl becuase i'm afriad it could get stolen or wrongfully copied.
but then i should not have let people see the drawings during highschool... that could have been a mistake.
but most others there proballay thouhgt my art was too poorly made to be worth anything.
I don't remember any one telling me that but it could be true.

I might try to post some other of my creations in the art and music section of this site.

one last thought before anyone post more on this topic... i'm trying (perhaps more then i should... not sure) to find out what
other members think of my old videos i posted in the art section and on youtube.
(i think I might be asking too much...I sure hope not)